My fridge is rather drunk
It's got me quite concerned
It rather closely resembles
A fellow who has been burned
..................................................
I turned around and stared
As my fridge groaned up a storm
It doesn't sound too good
Far from its humming norm
..................................................
It must have drunk that beer
I'm certain that is it
Yikes, this is not good
My homeowner will have a fit
..................................................
Trouble is on its way
This will madden my homeowner
I believe I'm fairly screwed
My fridge is definitely hungover
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140,692 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
I enjoyed this poem. In my perspective the narrator was probably drunk and the homeowner was his/her wife coming home and finding all the beer gone. Your rythmes had a nice flow in tone. I think punctuation would make it more funny cause it would seem that the narrator is completly serious. I will now think of my own fridge being hungover.
Thank you for your review and interpretation; both are greatly appreciated!
Hey there 1morestupidlovesong!
Hadj here to review your poem!
Nitpicks
Got nothing!
Criticism
I was trying to decide whether the purpose of this poem is humor and randomosity, or whether it is an attempt to analyze alcoholism and alcohol abuse. After reading some previous reviews I discovered that this poem is meant to be completely random.
Lets take this stanza by stanza.
In stanza one, you set up the scene, with some funny lines that grasp the reader
I think this is an excellent start to your poem. However, I was a little disappointed with the lines that followed. I'm not sure what you meant by a drunk refrigerator representing a burned person, and to me it sounded forced in as a rhyme.
Here's a suggestion for your first stanza:
My refrigerator's drunk
It's causing me to worry
Ice is spitting out the door
And causing it to flurry
The rhyming in your second stanza sounded especially forced.
The word "norm" is not usually used. However, as a silly poem, this stanza flowed alright, and I was not disappointed by it.
As for your third stanza, it was perfect!
Your final stanza could use some work. I don't like how you repeat the idea of your "homeowner", especially because it doesn't actually rhyme with hungover.
Here's a suggestion:
I really don't know what to do
Give up, I lose, game over
I can't believe my eyes
My fridge is so hungover
In all, I wish you had used more comparisons in this poem, linking possible refrigerator actions to that of a drunk man, because it was somewhat lacking in humor. I also was bothered when certain lines broke the rhythm pattern, and failed to rhyme.
Praise
Despite the criticism, I overall enjoyed this poem.
I applaud your creativity and the overall structure of this beautiful poem.
I wish I could write more, but its late, and there's so much great stuff in this poem!
Conclusion
Great metaphor!
Great poem!
You rock!
Good luck and keep writing,
Hadj
Thanks so much for your review! I really appreciate it and will definitely take what you have suggested in mind.
Hey, Chips here with a review!
This was quite a humorous idea, I liked the concept you had of an inanimate object such as a fridge being hangover. So good job on that!
However, the rhyme scheme did feel forced at times, so maybe just every other line rhyming? As oppose to every line being a rhyme. The flow would also work better like that I think. There is also a slight lack of punctuation, you needed to add more commas and full-stops at the end of sentences.
"My fridge is rather drunk
It's in a strange funk
It's got me quite concerned
It sounds like it's been burned"
Here, I like how you've used the senses, of smell and hearing to describe the fridge. The second line didn't really flow, perhaps, "It has a strange funk" As "funk" usually relates to an aroma.
"I'm a little scared
I turned around and stared
As my fridge groaned up a storm
Far from it's humming norm"
The rhyming in this stanza felt the most forced, it would be even better if you used more imagery and rhymed more separately.
"And now I shake my head
My fridge might just be dead
This will madden my homeowner
My fridge is definitely hungover"
I liked this stanza best, it was humorous and it brought the title into play also.
Overall nice piece, hope this review helped. Keep writing!
--Chippy
Thanks for the review, it definitely helped! As I mentioned in the description, I didn't try much on this one, but thanks anyway! I definitely see your points
Hey! IamTraunt here to review this piece for you! [That rhymed xD]
Okay, so let me just say... Wow. This was certainly unique!
Themes!
Okay, so this is not strange to me, it is a good theme, and your theme is alcoholism. Its quite clever actually how you write this poem. Straight away I saw the secret meaning behind this poem. Well done! Can I just say though, I did find the flow of the poem a bit iffy at times. I read this poem out loud to test it out and I found in Stanza 3, line 1 that the flow went a bit funny. I found that I couldn't fit that line in with the rest, there was too many words to run on into line 2. Maybe if you try to adjust that it will flow better. Also, I like how you portray the fridge as a human being (because fridges can't consume beer of course) and personify it to suit your needs. You tell us the effect of drinking too much alcohol and I liked that.
Devices Used!
So, the most common device used is my upmost favourite one - enjambment. So I will try my best to interpret the meanings of this wonderful, yet open device:
Interpretation 1) So, I think the most obvious one would be after a long period of time of drinking/consuming alcoholic beverages you will gradually get drunk. So I'm thinking here that you are showing the short term effects of this drink and how it gives you those awful hangovers and that massive headache. Plainly put, your telling the reader that being drunk is not all its made out to be.
Interpretation 2) Again with the time theme, I was think the long term effects of drinking. You mention this in Stanza 4, line 2:
Now we all now how drinking can effect our health and it seems to me that you're trying to tell the reader that it can lead to death maybe A) if you consume too much or B) drink regularly for a long period of time.
Great job! Keep it up!
Thank you for reading into my poem
I meant it mostly as a humorous poem, but I appreciate your interpretations. Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it!
You're welcome! I really enjoyed it. It was a good read.
I love interpretations. Lol.
Who doesn't? xD
XD
Sorry about the periods. Formatting would not cooperate.