18+ Language

Ascension Chapter 8- Ascension Dreams

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

The hour grew late. Delis had offered to be key holder for the night, as ritual for one who becomes the highest ranking Chevalier. He was last to leave.

As he rode the elevator down by himself, Delis pondered what he had learned today, clutching a beige folder containing important case files given to him by Hais Fuledia, and supplemented with important notes given to him by others offering what they knew incidental to said case. At this point he could see the towers of office buildings, windows bright and full of activity. No stars here.

Delis found himself going back to the moment of his knighting, reflecting on his preconceived expectations and the real, actual facts he had to come to terms with.

The media celebrated the Chevalier, enough that the details of their actual work was, more often than not, outside of the peripheral vision of the public eye.

Even at a young age, Delis knew it was partly an act. They laughed alongside movie stars on a late-night talk show, others had their stories of bravery narrated by a handsome baritone on a radio show with exciting music in the background.

But that was in Ascension. Outside of the seven tiers, a Chevalier was spear, poised to stab down in the name of justice. At least to Galthirians. Not everyone outside of Galthir viewed the Chevalier with the same respect and adoration as his peers back home. To some, a Chevalier represented an overreaching tyrannical presence, a zealous and unnecessary bloating of international jurisdiction.

He glanced at the folder again and knew he was going to have to read every file, examine each photo and take in every detail; What he did the following week depended on it.

On that subject, he had no illusions; A Chevalier was a soldier, albeit a glorified one. Whatever skill it was that made them special, it had led them to survival in the face of sure death, and with enough training, it became honed enough to become an offensive weapon.

Delis had a few talents, to be sure, though they almost killed him as much as they saved his life. Being able to pilot a Mobile Artillery Suit was one of them, though nowadays finding a M.A.S. pilot was about as difficult as looking up a plumber, or an electrician in the phone book. Still, he was pretty damn good at it, and all the brushes with death only made him better.

It had been years since he had been deployed on the field, though he piloted regularly and often sparred with others in trainer models to keep his skills sharp. The trainer models were entirely necessary, as anyone facing him while he piloted the Tianlong was sure to leave with more than a few injuries.

That probably wasn't it, however. The other six candidates were certified pilots as well, even Risa Acolyse. True, it would get him out of a few situations, or, of course, bluff his way out of them, but his talents there weren't fundamental to the decision to be knighted Chevalier.

He then thought of the different, vigorous background checks involved in appointing a Chevalier, and came to the conclusion that whatever they had based the decision on, it involved things he wanted to hide away and never look at, which is exactly what he had been doing for years. Those things that remind you of fear, and panic, when you're still alive to reminisce on it; Those are what made a Chevalier.

He put his reflections away as the elevator came to a stop on the ground level. He navigated his way through the lobby and trudged his way out onto the street.

As soon as he was out, he turned his head and stared upward at the titanic tether holding the top three tiers of Ascension to the earth; It climbed inexorably into the heavens, up, and up, and up, until it vanished into the night, a ladder leading directly into the cosmos itself.

Somewhere up there, in the vacuum of space, the tether was attached to some sort of heavenly body, in which Queen Armaea lived and watched over all of the inhabitants of Alnora. Nobody, save for a trusted few, knew how this system worked.

He glanced back down at the planet he currently inhabited and saw Galvin next to a waiting Troika, immobile on the rails. The Troika appeared to be a higher end model. As Delis approached, he was waving, grinning, but then his face turned pale and he reached for Delis quickly.

"Get in the car, man. Hurry."

"Why, what's...?"

"Mr. Engham!"

He turned, and before he could speak he was blinded by flashing lights. Several paparazzi were vying to have their microphones near enough to pick up his words, and a crowd seemed to be growing by the second.

"Mr. Engham, how does it feel to be knighted by the Queen?"

"Mr. Engham, your loyalty in the Twenty Years War is well known by many here in Ascension. How do you feel about the recent events in..."

"Mr. Engham, what do you intend to do next with your new found wealth?"

"Mr. Engham, do you plan to take a wife-"

He shaded his eyes from the flashing bulbs, and stepped into the car. "Uh... No comment."

After he helped Galvin in, he slammed the car door shut.The clamor vanished immediately as he was closed into a vacuum of warm air, a jaunty big band tune on the radio. The car was a six-seater at least, with two rows of soft seats facing opposite eachother. It was almost as if Delis had half-submerged his ass into a cloud.

A faux-wood table sat between them, with a little ice-bin hollowed out in it's center. A large bottomed bottle of white wine sat tilted in the ice bin, the label reading, "Sexy Lady."

Delis blinked. "Bit lavish, don't you think?"

"I think for once in your life, you can deal with the lavish. Here." Setting his crutches aside, Galvin reached for a couple wine glasses. Delis offered a hand to help, but Galvin swatted at him like a stern parent. "Tch. Here's a toast. To Knighthood."

"To Knighthood."

They took a sip each. Galvin tasted the wine on his lips. "Damn, that's good."

Delis thought it tasted like ashes, but thought better of himself, said instead, "Yeah. It's pretty good. So, I've got the fare this time."

"You already got it."

"Eh? No, I didn't pay for a round trip or anything so-"

Galvin clapped him on the back. "Delis. trust me. You already got it."

Delis looked out the window. "This isn't the way back to the air-rail. Where are we going?"

"Not far. It's a surprise."

"This wasn't it?"

Galvin clammed up, his chin protruding in an impish smile. Delis decided to humor him. He looked out the window at the 2nd tier streets passing him by in a whir of white and grey, splashed here and there with brilliant neon lights.

"It's pretty bad, Galvin. The uh... The case I mean."

"I figured it would be, for a man of your experience."

"It's Eld Siegfried. He and his daughter are either dead or missing."

Galvin recoiled. "Are you serious? The Eld Siegfried?"

"Just the one."

"Ohh man. My pop's not gonna like that news. You know he served aboard the Longinus when Eld Siegfried was captain?"

"Yeah. You know... I... served on the Longinus, Galvin. We both did. Me, you, and your father."

Galvin blinked, a look of apprehension in his eyes. "Y-yeah. I know. Sorry. I forget sometimes."

"I know. It's okay."

Delis wanted to remind him, out of reflex, that his father died when the Longinus had gone down. He had been hit over the head with falling debris, and the wound was fatal. A middle-aged, muscular Siegfried, sat with his hands on Jon Meredus' head, trying to staunch the bleeding with a rag. Old Jon was unresponsive.

Galvin was across the bridge, face pale and full of despair. He couldn't move, his leg pinned painfully to the grating of the bridge, his foot twisting up at an unnatural angle. Then Galvin screamed. It started as a sobbing whimper, then grew into the primal shriek of a man on the departure trip to the sun. It was so loud that Delis' ears rang even in remembrance of it.

There was a sound then... An indescribable sound of flesh tearing, of bones breaking into shards. Then Galvin was there holding his father, wailing in grief, as a dark pool formed around the stump of his leg.

In the Troika, Galvin smiled and took another sip of wine, told a bawdy joke to ease the silence. They broke into howling laughter.

***

Their Troika came to a stop a few miles from the Tower of Assembly; The area was some sort of high end promenade, with huge store fronts containing four stories on their own. Across the street, Delis could see a two story restaurant. It had a great lit sign, casting light on the boulevard with it's name; Worthy's. Worthy's had originally been in Cradle, a meeting place for a couple of officials in the military whom Delis knew very well. It had been destroyed in a firebombing in the year 311, though the owners had managed to escape a few months earlier.

Rebuilt in the second tier, Worthy's was better than it ever had been, and bustling with people waiting to get in. The white list was very exclusive.

"She's a beauty, ain't she? Back, and better than ever. It's been a while since we've been to Worthy's, Delis."

"There never been this many cute girls at Worthy's, if I remember right..."

"There are now! I'll even introduce you to a few, though I don't think you'll be needing it."

Delis suddenly felt his breath hitch at the sight of so many people, all of whom would know who he was at a moment's glance. "Oh, no, no no no. I gotta change or something, Galvin, I don't wanna go in there with my service uniform-"

"Delis! Relax, friend. We're going to Worthy's tonight, but this isn't the last stop. Hold on to your seat."

"I'm starting to wonder what the surprise is supposed to be."

Galvin leaned in the seat, smirking, as Delis felt the Troika shake a couple times as it realigned onto another rail. Suddenly they were climbing, up and up until Worthy's vanished out of sight and they were corkscrewing around the side of an enormous building.

"You know you're not going to be back here for a while, right? You ought to enjoy yourself, for once in your flea-bitten life. When are you leaving?"

"In three days. I've been put in command of a cruiser ship, the Bardiche."

"A cruiser... with enough room for an M.A.S., I hope."

"We're cleared for six."

"Damn! Six?" Galvin shook his head. "What kind of shit are you getting into, Delis?"

"We might be dealing with a sorcerer."

"There hasn't been a sorcerer powerful enough to challenge the Queen in over three hundred years. Does this really warrant six mechs?"

"If you saw the Mayor's place... You'd probably think we need more."

They came to a stop near the top floor of the building they had been climbing, the Troika's humming trailing off into a whisper.

The door opened, letting them out into a windy platform overseeing the 2nd tier. As Delis stepped out, he looked down and saw Worthy's bright neon sign, almost the size of a coin from this height. He swallowed down a sense of vertigo and helped Galvin out. Galvin ushered him on through a series of light taps on Delis' calves with his crutches.

They came to a metal door, and Galvin produced a key, asking Delis to unlock it. Delis obliged, sliding the tiny chrome key into the door handle and twisting until he heard a quiet, hollow thunk. They stepped inside to a warm, brightly lit hallway, unadorned with any color or decoration. There were two doors that Delis could see; One on his left and one on his right.

Galvin led him to the one on the right.

Delis found himself in a vast penthouse apartment, lit by bright warm lamps in the ceiling high above. It must easily have been twenty five feet from floor to ceiling, including the second story. The wall several feet in front of him was a window, revealing the lit expanse of the six tiers, the innumerable blinking lights of countless buildings and homes laid out as far as the eye could see.

The apartment itself was a lot for Delis to take in; The floor was some sort of marble or granite, or perhaps a mix of the two. The walls were white and featureless, save for a great telescreen on the western wall, surrounded by angular yet comfortable looking sofas and chairs. The kitchen was free standing, separated from the commons room by a metal island, crowned with a rack from which hung shiny pots, pans, and other cookware. The refrigerator was at least twice the width of the one Delis and his family had used back in the apartment, and looked as if it was made of brushed steel.

Suddenly Delis heard loud cracks and pops, felt his guts turn to ice. His initial thought was that they were under attack, that he had walked into an ambush unarmed. Then he saw brightly colored confetti.

Two children popped up from behind one of the sofas by the telescreen. "Surprise, Uncle Delis!"

"Morris! Maeter! What are you doing here?"

His nephew and niece, 8 and 6 respectively, giggled and hooted as they rolled over the sofa and ran to him. They jumped into his arms and he easily lifted them up, though he felt strain on his shoulders. They were starting to grow heavy. He realized he had been holding his breath, felt foolish for becoming so jittery. Well, it couldn't be helped.

Morris was already big for his age; tall, as well as heavy. Maeter was the opposite; She was tiny, and resembled her mother, though her hair was curly, black and unruly. She was missing several baby teeth.

His sister stepped out from behind the staircase, beaming warmly. Flowing, curly black hair framed a chocolate heart-shaped face and smiling bright green eyes, with a small bodily frame beneath. She was about three years younger than Delis, though to a casual observer Delis might be her uncle, for all the lines in his face and the grey that was starting to spring from his temples.

"What is this?" Delis asked her.

"It's our new home, Delis. Your new home."

Delis craned his head around Maeter's curly black skull and looked at Galvin. "When did this happen? We left the apartment together early this morning."

"We had a transport car bring all of our stuff here when you and I were gone."

Rumia clasped Galvin's arm and kissed him on the cheek. "You should have seen it, dear. It was amazing. There must have been twenty movers; They loaded up everything into one car in less than twenty minutes, and even gave us a ride here. They told us to leave the furniture. Which I agreed to, gladly."

"Yeah, that bed back home really left a kink in my neck." Galvin twisted his neck, and a series of wet cracks broke from the motion.

"How are we paying for this? How much is the mortgage?" Delis looked around, bewildered.

"There is no mortgage. It's already been paid for, in full. It's yours."

"Mine!?" Delis almost dropped the kids, thought better of it and let them onto the ground instead.

"Yep. Little did you know, the government pays for everything you need now. Perks of being a Chevalier, eh? If I'm doing the math right... I believe you still have three left."

"Three... What?"

"Three billion."

Delis felt his neck turn to taffy; his head whipped around as if those two words had poked him in the eyes. "Three billion?! As in three billion leaves?"

"Yeah. That's just a rough estimate, though. Don't worry though, the mortgage has already been subtracted from the total lump sum. I think it only accounts for ten percent of your current fortune."

"Is thwee biwion a lot, Mommy?" Maeter asked Rumia.

"It is a lot a lot," Rumia agreed.

Delis shook his head, and tried his best to make sense of his surroundings. "I can't even comprehend this right now."

"I know, it's a lot to get used to. But trust me. This sure beats the hell out our old place, doesn't it?"

Delis was inclined to agree. The old apartment in the 5th tier had been so small, the children slept in the same room as their parents, and the five of them took their meals sitting on the floor at a low table, devoid of chairs or furniture. There was simply no room for anything else. The air conditioning broke on a bi-monthly basis, the heater never worked to begin with, and bugs were beginning to wage a tiny war of conquest upon the Engham-Meredus estate. They certainly had the numbers. Poor Maeter had fallen ill a few times, and it was less than a few hours before everybody in the apartment had caught what she had.

This apartment, on the other hand, looked like it had a maximum occupancy of five hundred people, or perhaps a few really large elephants. The temperature was well regulated, and at this altitude, Delis doubted any insects could survive.

Still, there was something that ate at him, though he couldn't pinpoint it.

"...Do you like it, Uncle Delis?" Morris peered up at him with bright hazel eyes.

"Yeah. I love it." He grinned and tousled the boy's hair. "Who's hungry?"

The kids were hopping up and down, their hands in the air as if Delis wasn't aware of their existence save for the frantic blur of their appendages. "Me! Me me me me!" Galvin and Rumia smiled lovingly at eachother.

"Who wants to dine at Worthy's tonight?" Galvin shouted.

They all cheered at that.

***

They had gotten back from Worthy's around ten o'clock; The children were still wide awake, though their parents had managed to get them into their new beds without much struggle. The three of them had then sat in the commons with glasses of wine, laughing and reminiscing on their early years. Finally midnight rolled around, and Rumia bid Delis a good night, leaving them to her well earned respite.

"I have one more thing to show you, Delis." Galvin patted Delis on the back, his natural strength aided by more than a couple glasses of wine.

"Sure," Delis said, "But just one more. I think I'm all suprised-out tonight."

Galvin led him to the front door and out to the hall; This time, they faced the other door. Galvin unlocked it for him and let him in.

They now stood in a loading bay, with metal beams holding up the immense scaffolding above. There was a bit of a drop below the catwalk; Delis guessed the bay was about ten meters from floor to ceiling.

Suspended before him was his Mobile Artillery Suit, the G-AO17 Tianlong, which stood seven meters tall from head to feet. The Tianlong was an air ops mech, built for aerial ship-to-ship engagements and dogfighting. Everything about it was designed for agility and unparalleled manuverability, from the sleek form of it's armor to the way the arms and legs were proportioned. The Tianlong's armor color was usually the default white ceramic, though it was equipped with a digital camoflauge system that allowed it to blend into appropriate surroundings, such as in the sky or in deep desert.

The Tianlong stared down at him with its usual austere gaze, though it seemed to be quite pleased with its new home. It was usually kept in a dark warehouse in a munitions base somewhere in the seventh tier, so it's appearance in a skyscraper penthouse was rather startling to say the least.

"I'm not sure I want to know how you got it here," Delis said.

"Good, it ruins the wonder," Galvin replied with a proud smirk.

"Well, thank you, Galvin... Though I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the idea that my twenty-two foot tall flying murder weapon is only a hallway away from your children."

"Eh. They ain't got the keys, so what's there to worry about?"

"I'm serious, Galvin. This isn't fun and games. I take down airships with that thing, and the people that end up under its feet don't fare much better, either. Are you really sure you want it here?"

"Look, Delis..." Galvin turned to him, his speech slightly slurred from the alcohol. "What are you?"

Delis shook his head for a moment, not understanding.

"What are you, Delis?" Galvin asked again.

"A soldier," Delis replied.

"No, motherfucker. You're a Chevalier. You've got three billion in the bank, a cruiser ship at your command, and nobody to tell you what's right and what's wrong, other than the supreme ruler of the world. On one side, you already have a strong following, one that will likely do some very sinister shit on your behalf. On the other, you have enemies. A bunch of them. You probably got some new ones while you were being knighted. Hell, you probably gained a couple more just now." He snapped his fingers. "You have no idea who they are, but you can absolutely bet that three billion that they know full well who you are."

"So... you're telling me that I should sleep with the Tianlong in the next room over, along with a pistol under my pillow."

"Yes, that is exactly what I am telling you," Galvin said. "You can't afford to let your guard down. You can sleep, but you can absolutely not rest easy. We're currently sitting on the top floor of a skyscraper. Are you going to tell me that if someone had the werewithal, they couldn't raze this thing to the ground with us in it? Fly a plane into it? Set charges on the ground floor? You need to be able to fly out of here at the drop of a hat."

"Gods, Galvin..."

"I'm serious, Delis. Listen to me." Galvin dropped the cane, and stood on his leg, both of his hands on Delis' shoulders. "Things might look good in that penthouse, and you may feel good being the number one man in Galthir right now, but you need to face facts. Real facts. The War is not over. It may be that the Twenty Years has come and pass, but the War is never over. It's a chessboard, and the pieces get replaced constantly. Someone will rise up. Someone will challenge the status quo, just as the beast-men did years ago. They will fail, as the beast-men did before them, or they will change everything... but a lot more people are going to die along the way. And you are absolutely not, under any circumstance, any less susceptible. Matter 'o fact, I'd say you're more so."

"You think I don't know this!?" Delis shouted, and threw off Galvin's hands. Galvin fell to the floor, shaking his head. "Every night, I see the wolf's teeth. Grinning at me. Waiting for me. Sharp and yellow with strips of human meat in between. My men on those teeth. The men who died in their sleep, their faces blue and their fingers black from the cold... the men who were dragged from their cage, screaming to their mothers... the men who never screamed at all, lest they lose face in sight of the Gods... I'll never forget those men... and I'll never forget that winter, not once and not ever. The fact that I still live fills me with dread, and guilt, and abject misery. Every day."

"I know," Galvin said from the floor.

"Gods... I'm sorry," Delis said, and helped him up.

"'S alright. I know you can get kinda intense about this stuff."

"My point is Galvin... I'm agreeing with you. The situation has never changed. The internment camp in Isilien, Cradle, the Uzbani Desert... this penthouse... It doesn't matter where I am. I look death in the face every day, and I know full well he's been letting me off easy. There are far better men, far braver men, that have died before me."

"Like Eld Siegfried," Galvin said.

"Yeah. Like Eld Siegfried." Delis glanced at the Tianlong. "And I can't help but feel like I am going to follow his lead soon."

***

Delis felt sleep tugging at his eyelids, but at the very least was determined to give his case files a cursory glance. With wine glass in hand he took out the documents from the folder and laid them neatly on the glass coffee table, his gaze lingering on an old photo of Eld Siegfried. Eld had been handsome in his thirties, with a robust jaw and a smile his wife had fallen head over heels for.

Dead. Delis rubbed at his scars, trying to suppress emotion.

The documents contained a myriad of information, mainly Siegfried's employment records up until the days leading up to his murder, and some of his efforts regarding Tellaria's criminal network. The latter was well publicized, so none of that was news to Delis; The Manor was barely furnished before its Mayor had set about cleaning up the streets of Marta with a fervor few men could match.

In the two months since his election, the crime rate had dropped almost forty percent, with several of the most influential mob bosses either doing hard time or extensive community service, saving their skin by way of giving the Mayor a healthy serving of names. Names of some of their subordinates, the locations of their operations, and even other bosses. Even in a wheelchair, Eld Siegfried was a stalwart warrior, and only a fool would stand between him and the justice he sought for the Tellarians.

By the end of his first term, Siegfried had virtually staunched all criminal activity in the Martic Valley. New reforms were put in place regarding strict weapon restrictions, upgraded police task forces, and he even paved the way for more financially viable modes of transportation for the public. The Windmare was his pet project, allowing for several hundred people to travel vast distances at a quarter of the cost, compared to flying aboard an airship, and by far more safe. Pirates and brigands preyed upon unwary airship travelers, and especially now, with the economy flying to pieces at an immeasurable rate in Tellaria.

Suffice to say, other than the cut-throat drug cartels of Tellaria, Eld Siegfried had little opposition and even fewer enemies. He was hailed as the best Mayor the Martic Valley had seen in over fifty years, and he had a laundry list of achievements to back it up. So who would want him dead, other than the obvious?

Delis pored over his past employees, most of which were ordinary folk with clean records and even cleaner work ethic; From what he could see, none of them were let go for any reason regarding their work, and almost all of them had to be coerced with a huge severance package just so they would leave. After a certain date, the Mayor was laying them off at a rate of one person a week, until he had no-one left but the butler, and the driver.

Delis lingered a moment on a mugshot of the Mayor's ex-head of security; a grizzled, mean looking cat with a scar on his muzzle and a braid in his red mane. His golden eyes peered at Delis with a look that Delis knew all too well, from having spent a decent amount of time pitted against the Khagilosi in the War.

Delis thought back to the Assembly, and to a Khagilosi representative that had asked the Queen personally to let a certain cat out from Royal custody; Delis realized this was the same cat the representative had been speaking of. He had heard a name thrown about, and knew this was the guy. Oruuke. Born 3/28/294, birthplace Rodrigr, in the collective realm of Khagilos. He served (or was likely indentured) in the War starting at age ten, and was pardoned by the Royal government at his agreement to swear fealty to the Queen. A tough son of a bitch, though not without common sense.

Delis made a mental note, and moved on to the files he had really been interested in studying.

He looked over a mugshot of a young man, perhaps in his late teens at the time the picture was taken. He had long, disheveled red hair, fair skin with freckles, and yellow eyes. His face was marked here and there with bandages, and his left eye was almost swollen shut from a bruise. He looked as if none of it mattered, that he'd left more than that on people who had done him injustice.

Aurin James Acolyse. Born 9/25/304, in Nulinor, Belas. His father, the great sorcerer Edmin Acolyse, had died a few months before he was born.

A scarcity of information plagued Aurin Acolyse's file, though his teenage years were fairly well documented. He had fallen in with a bad crowd of cut-throats and petty thugs, though at some point he simply rose through the ranks and became one of the most influential underground figures in Tellaria, almost overnight. His nickname was the Red Bird of Belas, because of the red wax seal he had used to sign his letters. No one knew how he had gotten so powerful; but in the end, he was caught by Eld Siegfried and brought to justice like all of the others.

Then, after two months in a high security prison in Razgreth, the Mayor simply let him out. He had apparently convinced the kid to turn coat, and expose all of his former colleagues and employers, allowing him to serve as his butler and stay out of trouble in the bargain. So that was Old Siegfried's secret. He wisely kept his once most dangerous enemy at arm's length, and used said enemy as a weapon.

Well, the motive was certainly there. Aurin went from having untold fountains of wealth, to having it all taken away to become a glorified nanny for an old, washed-up Chevalier.

Delis wondered at the relationship between Aurin and Risa Acolyse. They were first cousins, and yet Weymin spoke of Aurin as if he and his nephew had been estranged for some time. Had Risa and Aurin ever met? She had just turned eighteen, and Aurin was approaching twenty three, so it stood to reason that they would have met at least once in their lives. If what her files said were true, young Risa was a powerful sorceress herself, though what those powers entailed... Delis would have to wait and see.

Diving deeper into it, Delis thought it strange that Risa's knighting came on the same day of the Assembly, when Aurin's implied involvement in the case was brought to court. It was likely just a coincidence, but it still gnawed at Delis' mind.

After skimming Aurin's file, Delis noticed a small envelope under a stack of photos; It was white, and sealed with a red five-pointed star, the sigil of the Paramount of Belas and the Pentic Ward.

In fine, crisp handwriting, read the words "Something you should know. -Weymin Acolyse."

Hesitation stayed his hand for a heartbeat, until Delis shoved the feeling aside and gently opened the envelope with his switchblade. He let its contents slide out onto his hands; A small stack of black and white photos, recently laminated, marked 6/3/316.

He peered over them, unsure of what he was seeing. He saw a large, circular ruin, of what was once an ancient, formidable tower, perhaps as tall and wide as the building he was now in. It looked as if it had been blasted completely to its foundation, though no evidence of debris was shown anywhere near the site.

His breath caught in his throat when he read the liner notes on the photos.

It was a sorcerer's academy Aurin Acolyse had once attended, and of which Weymin Acolyse had once been headmaster. The Tower of Aeos, an utter ruin brought about in the space of an instant.

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megsug
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megsug wrote a review · Fri May 01, 2015 3:48 am

Hey beans~

Gavin is probably the best thing ever.

However, even though this chapter brought us Gavin, I feel like it's basically a throw away chapter. A large majority seems rather pointless. I'm vaguely concerned you put so much effort into us getting to know Delis' family just to have the reader forget about them as Delis leaves and the plot moves on. I hope not, but I can see that happening.

Also, in context, these case files are pretty dry and boring. There's just so much information and reflection. I also realize that I'm not going to remember most of it, and you're not going to bring it back up (if the pattern that's played out over the other chapters is proves to be true again), so that's going to leave me confused later on.

Small nitpick: when the little girl goes "Is thwee biwion a lot?" To have her lisp be the same throughout her speech, she needs to say wot instead of lot since the l's in billion are lisped.

I find Delis tiresome. He's a copy of the tired but noble war torn veteran who is good at doing his job and being a soldier. The scene with Gavin and the suit was overdone. I'm not sure either of the two men responded realistically.

I am interested to see what Delis will do with this new information though.

If you have any questions or comments, lemme know like always. I gotta quit for tonight, but I'll hopefully be able to knock out the rest of your stuff in a few days if I get some time.
Megs~

I can see what you mean about this chapter being a bit throwaway, but in writing I kind of had the idea that while certain revelations can be made about one cast herd (The "blues", Aurin, Angela, Lapis etc) I can't throw in TOO much or it starts to get bogged down by its own weight. So I'll use some backstory and worldbuilding in other cast herds to tie up some loose ends (I.e. Who Jon Merudus actually was, how he died, how the U.A.F. Plans to handle the murder case with Eld Siegfried, stuff about Aurin that you wouldn't be able to get from him otherwise) but I can see how it weighs down the actual story.

As for Delis himself, yea, he's a bit cut and dry, but he does serve a purpose... He's the inside man... the "blues" are on the outside reacting to whatever happens to them, and he acts as the grounding element to the U.A.F... Up till now you think the Queen and her followers are evil, but Delis serves to prove otherwise (even though there are certainly despicable characters working for the Queen, just as there are despicable characters on any one side of a conflict).

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pendr
Review
pendr wrote a review · Sun Dec 28, 2014 5:02 pm

Hey! Pendr here to review on behalf of The Grinches!! Just a warning, I haven't read any other chapters from this story, and I am a reviewer that does more nit-picky stuff, so bear with me! Alright! Let's dig in.

"As he rode the elevator down by himself, Delis pondered what he had learned today, clutching a beige folder containing important case files given to him by Hais Fuledia, and supplemented with important notes given to him by others offering what they knew incidental to said case." You don't need a comma after Fuledia, and the rest of that sentence doesn't make sense (at least to me)

"But that was in Ascension. Outside of the seven tiers, a Chevalier was spear, poised to stab down in the name of justice." there should be an 'a' before spear

"He glanced at the folder again and knew he was going to have to read every file, examine each photo and take in every detail; What he did the following week depended on it." put a comma after 'photo' and make the 'what' after the semi-colon lowercase

"On that subject, he had no illusions; A Chevalier was a soldier, albeit a glorified one." don't capitalize 'A' after the semi-colon

"Being able to pilot a Mobile Artillery Suit was one of them, though nowadays finding a M.A.S. pilot was about as difficult as looking up a plumber, or an electrician in the phonebook." no need for a comma after 'plumber' :)

"That probably wasn't it, however. The other six candidates were certified pilots as well, even Risa Acolyse." Wasn't what? Is that made clear in previous chapters?

"Those things that remind you of fear, and panic, when you're still alive to reminisce on it; Those are what made a Chevalier." you do not need commas around 'and panic' :)

Wow! Very unique and intriguing concept of tiers of ascension from earth to heaven!

"You already got it." This is a question in the context of the story

"Galvin clapped him on the back. "Delis. trust me. You already got it." Either change the period after 'Delis' to a comma or capitalize 'trust'

Alright! I'm obviously not done, but my laptop is dying, and I have to go do some stuff. :D You have a very interesting story here, and I hope to read more!
Thanks for sharing your art on YWS

Please do read more! This is somewhat like the calm after the storm, which you did not get to see.

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Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Sun Dec 28, 2014 2:35 pm

Hello! I haven't read the previous chapters so if I mention anything which you think you've covered earlier on, please feel free to ignore!

Specifics

1. There's a lot of info dumping at the beginning and while the prose is nice, it's somewhat tedious to read when it feels like there's no action in sight. This would work after an action packed chapter but if chapter seven is pretty quiet, you might want to have more happening here.

2.

He then thought of the different, vigorous background checks involved in appointing a Chevalier, and came to the conclusion that whatever they had based the decision on, it involved things he wanted to hide away and never look at, which is exactly what he had been doing for years. Those things that remind you of fear, and panic, when you're still alive to reminisce on it; Those are what made a Chevalier.
I like this paragraph and it's a bit meatier than the others. What I'd suggest is cutting most of the writing between the first three paragraphs and here. Keep the reflection as short as possible.

3.
After he helped Galvin in, he slammed the car door shut.The clamor vanished immediately as he was closed into a vacuum of warm air, a jaunty big band tune on the radio. The car was a six-seater at least, with two rows of soft seats facing opposite eachother. It was almost as if Delis had half-submerged his ass into a cloud.
Why does he need to help Galvin in? Surely Galvin will be getting in at the other side or the driver's seat? If not, you need to describe Delis shuffling across to make room. Also, note the typo - need a space between each and other.

4.
A faux-wood table sat between them, with a little ice-bin hollowed out in it's center.
This is the wrong use of its - the best way to remember is that the possessive rule doesn't apply to its so you should only use it's when you mean it is. The rest of the time you should just use its.

5.
"I think for once in your life, you can deal with the lavish. Here." Setting his crutches aside, Galvin reached for a couple of wine glasses. Delis offered a hand to help, but Galvin swatted at him like a stern parent. "Tch. Here's a toast. To Knighthood."


6. I love the character of Galvin and his forgetting is a really key and interesting character aspect. It makes me sympathise with him very quickly. However, I feel the flashback is too long. It's enough to tell us that Galvin's father died and that he has forgotten. We don't need to know the rest about how his leg was damaged etc. Leave some of it to our imagination.

7.
"There never been this many cute girls at Worthy's, if I remember right..."
This is awkwardly phrased - maybe take another look.

Overall

I really liked the mid section of this and you've got some great, punchy dialogue and a nice sequence of events. It's not high on action but it flows nicely and I found it an easy read. However, the beginning and end were both a real drag for me. They felt like you were cramming too much information into too small a space and I'd rather discover some of these details through dialogue or not at all. The case file reading goes on too long at the end and is neither exciting or dramatic.

However, if you can shorten those two sections and beef them up a bit then I think you'll be alright. Think of this in terms of a movie for a moment and ask yourself if you'd be interested in watching that end scene - just watching a guy go through a wad of files. There needs to be another character for him to talk to while he looks at a few if it has to happen, or it needs to be quick and give us the interesting discoveries right up front.

Best of luck!

Out of context, yes, the case file bit is quite boring :p

A hint: Delis is not protagonist numero uno.



The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket