Self Care

Hi there, here for a review,

In general, I don't particularly have a taste for rhyming poems. I favor free verse. However, I rather enjoyed the scheme you have created here. It didn't feel forced like many of the unnatural rhyming schemes that I have come across.

Overall, I rather enjoyed this poem. It reminded me a bit of Edgar Allen Poe's style. Although, I do feel that it isn't as impactful as it has the power to be. I'm tempted to tell you to leave this poem as is, because the rhyming scheme is set up so nicely, but I feel like a few lines can definitely be rearranged or slightly changed to give the piece and overall more emotional feeling. I am left wanting a bit more at the end. I think the poem is very good left as is, but it has the potential to be amazing.

"and focus on someone less... cadaverous." This line felt slightly misplaced among the entirety of your piece. I would perhaps reword this a bit.

Overall, I did enjoy this poem and really liked that the rhyming scheme flowed so well. I think you did a really good job and the structure is near perfect, but it can be more concise emotionally in a couple areas.

Great job!

Happy writing,

Kali L.

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said


Thanks for sharing this poem which uses the Biblical account of Jesus and the resurrection of his friend Lazarus. In the poem speaks to someone recommencing that someone compared to the dead Lazarus be abandoned to his fate. The speaker responds by saying that she herself is the one who is dead.

Now, the question is why is the person being compare to a dead Lazarus needing a resurrection? Reasons vary according to different standards. I had a girlfriend who considered me boring. I had another who was thrilled to be around me. To one I seemed like a dead Lazarus. To the other I seemed very much alive. So this Lazarus being described as dead or dying must be a matter of personal opinion. The tone indicates that she finds the suggestion to abandon this Lazarus cruel. In fact, that it is why the analogy is chosen. Jesus resurrected Lazarus and that was considered an act of mercy.


Suggestion

[M]y lips are spilling buzzing flies. [My lips....] Starts a new sentence.

That I'd get to him eventually: [That I would get to him eventually.] Flows better by harmonizing with the meters of the previous lines.

That I'd get to him eventually: [That I would....]

Do I give myself no thought? [Must I give....] Alliteration.

Should I fall to pieces on the road, [Fall to pieces on the road?]

Hewo, Jade is here to review another wonderful poem.

First, I loved this poem. You did just about everything correctly, your grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. You also did exceptionally well on your rhyming. Your whole poem came together nicely and just created a really good layout.

Second, personally I believe maybe 1 or 2 of the lines flowed a little rough, as SpaceSnickerdoodle said. I think it might flow better with their suggestion.

This poem was so pretty, (Do not judge,, I don't have the right word at the moment,,) It is a very good poem. I would love to see more of these from you.

Great job! Keep writing.

Hewo, Jade is here to review another wonderful poem.

First, I loved this poem. You did just about everything correctly, your grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. You also did exceptionally well on your rhyming. Your whole poem came together nicely and just created a really good layout.

Second, personally I believe maybe 1 or 2 of the lines flowed a little rough, as SpaceSnickerdoodle said. I think it might flow better with their suggestion.

This poem was so pretty, (Do not judge,, I don't have the right word at the moment,,) It is a very good poem. I would love to see more of these from you.

Great job! Keep writing.

Hiya! Space here for a review~

First of all, I just want to say I really like this! The grammar, the spacing/stanzas, the rhyming, the topic---I think it all fit together extremely well. You have successfully created a good, enjoyable poem, and I definitely liked reading it!

I have maybe one or two suggestions:

-"My nerves have died. I cannot feel."
(This is merely a suggestion, because I feel like this line doesn't really need that much editing at all.) Maybe change this to: "My nerves have died, I cannot feel." or "My nerves have died---I cannot feel." Then it flows a bit more easily.

-"Shall I fall to pieces in the road,
my Lazarus forgot?"
(Again, merely a suggestion 'cause I'm slightly unsure about this last bit.) The word "forgot" should maybe be replaced with "forgotten", but then it won't rhyme, so maybe phrase/organize the last stanza differently? I do like the last stanza, it's just the 'forgot' part that sorta confused me.

Overall, it's a really great poem! Good job!

~Space

Hey just wanted to leave a short review.

First, I don't see any see any spelling errors which is great! (Although I didn't recognize a few words which is fine extending vocabulary is always great!)

From what I can tell, the message is about the narrator losing someone and how they are told to move on but cannot. The narrator also tells us how they feel about the whole event by ways of figurative language is spot on. Also it gets a lot of detail and gets to the point fairly quickly. (which isn't bad, in fact this can definitely hook someone with a shorter attention span. *cough cough* me.)

Over all I really like this poem and I do hope that if you have lost someone I hope things get better, if not then this is still a great poem, and I hope you have a good day either way!