Your body is full of birds
and they are all flying north.
It is summertime in the valley
of your mouth and I hear
the gurgle of clear water
and birdsong. It is sweet.
Their feathers scrape your ribs,
how does it feel?
Is it like the rain falling on your chest
as you lie bare in August fields?
You are dead, but you are alive,
behind a veil like a patient bride.
Is that your face reflected
in the waterfall or is it mine?
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This is stunning. Absolutely stunning. That first line took my breath away.
I think one of the best things about poetry is how it can my physical things feel unstable ("your body is full of birds"), metaphysical things feel stable ("behind a veil like a patient bride). This poem does both, and it does both beautifully.
The imagery is poignant yet sparse enough that it doesn't feel overwhelming. It's also easy to grasp, yet that doesn't reduce its complexity.
Also I adore how you used rhyme inconsistently to highlight connections between words, brilliant. Have you read John Logan by any chance? He manipulates the conventions of English poetry in a similar way.
Once again, this is exquisitely done. I can't wait to read more of your work! - YellowSweater.
Just stopping by to say I think this is such a neat visual poem! The imagery is awesome and the title sweeps you right into the piece.
Ooh. It’s very romantic. The poem speaks of someone who may have died, but they aren’t yet dead. They are merely waiting to be swept away by the autumn wind, carried into eternal bliss, with not a single worry in sight. This poem shows that death isn’t really the end.
I have a question, though. Are the lowercase letters intentional in the poem?
That is all. Overall, I’d say that this was a lovely poem. I wish you an amazing day/night.
Sunflower here for a quick review!
I quite enjoyed this poem and I like how (in my opinion) it can be taken in different ways. The only problem I have with the poem is the structure and punctuation it just feels a little bit strange if you ask me. The way sentences are aligned and put into the poem, it just tends to make it feel a little clunky in some places while feeling dragged out in others. This does interrupt the flow a bit, for me.
Other than that though the poem is very nice, simple and an easy read (which I appreciate) I take the poem as meaning feeling separated from oneself which is something that I feel like a lot of people can relate to especially in this modern day when most people feel like they need to act like someone else. I think the line that hit me in the gut the most had to be:
"Is that your face reflected in the waterfall or is it mine?"
As if the person feels detached from a part of themselves, which I can relate to on a certain level. I'm not sure if you were going for a different message or if you were going for one at all. But this is the message that I really picked up on and I quite enjoyed it! I liked the wording you use and when I was reading it I found it to be overwhelmingly green in all the best ways.
That's all I really have to say for now. I hope you have a fantastic day/night! Bye!
Can you give me an example where the punctuation or structure feel strange?
Thanks!