Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
The third chapter of my current WIP. I'd love some more detailed feedback on this chapter because I'm starting to get closer to the action of the story and want to make sure I've got my plot and atmosphere set before digging in!
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CHAPTER III
James Chinner was staying in an equally extravagant hotel on the other side of London. Chase sat calmly in the rear of the less than spacious taxi while Bull struggled to find space to put his legs in the passenger seat. Bull was a massive hulk of a man. He wasn’t only tall but had thick arms that rippled with muscles beneath his jacket.
Chase’s faith in Bull had never once wavered; he was as reliable as a fixer as he was a friend.
“Thanks,” said Chase, paying the cabbie and getting out into the cold chill of the London evening. They crossed the road to the hotel, pistols tucked neatly against their ribs in over-shoulder holsters. Chase didn’t expect to need a weapon but knowing that an assassin was in town meant it was stupid to be unarmed.
The lobby was covered in flowers imported from somewhere warmer. Soft and patronizing elevator music filled the room and guests flittered from the elevators and restaurant. Chase approached the counter toward a young attendant with the word ‘TRAINEE’ emblazoned across his nametag in yellow.
As Chase and Bull reached the counter, however, a much older, creased and yellowed face swept in front of them.
“Evenin’ gents,” said the hotel manager, no doubt made suspicious by Bull’s ominous demeanor.
“Evening. We’re looking for James Chinner, he here?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell ya who’s stayin’ here and who isn’t sir, we respect our patron’s privacy.”
“Of course, of course,” said Chase, leaning in to the counter so as to speak in hushed tones, “My name is Ryan Chase, Alex Moore is my client, you know him?”
“Yes, I heard the name,” said the elderly manager, leaning in to greet Chase.
“He’s a good friend of Mr. Chinner, and I’m afraid he’s been killed. I’ve been sent to notify Mr. Chinner in person.”
“Oh my… I’m very sorry to hear that. Mr. Chinner is on the tenth floor, here,” he said, handing Chase a keycard, “This’ll get you up the elevators.”
“Much appreciated,” Chase nodded and made towards the elevators. They rode the silver trimmed car to the tenth floor and found Chinner’s room.
“Follow my lead,” said Chase, pulling his H&K from its holster and cocking it. He kicked the door in, shattering the lock and splintering the frame as James Chinner spun around at the opposite end of the room, throwing his whisky all over the floor.
Chase and Bull rushed inside, weapons trained on Chinner’s head as he pleaded for his life. Bull reset the door in it’s deformed frame as best he could while Chase clubbed Chinner with the grip of his pistol.
“Please, please don’t kill me! I’ve got the money, it’s ready, it’s ready!”
“If it’s ready why don’t we have it?” shouted Chase, threatening to smack the man again and trying to read his expression. Going in with the guns was a gamble, but it had paid off. Whoever Chinner was mixed up with, they’d gained their identity.
“I’ve already wired it, I was waiting until the meeting tomorrow to tell him, I swear! I’ve got the money wired.”
“Did you use any names? Who’d you wire the money to?”
“No, no, no, no! I didn’t, I didn’t! I did just like Benji said,” Chinner flailed his hands wildly as his eyes darted between Chase and Bull, who had put his gun away yet somehow looked far more dangerous without it.
“I used that number he gave me and sent it to Decorum Inc. There’s no trace I promise you, please, please…” Chinner broke and began to sob.
“The meeting tomorrow is off,” said Chase, putting his weapon away back under his coat, “I strongly recommend you go home tonight.”
“O-o-okay, yeah I can do that. Thank you, thanks, tha…” Chinner’s sobs were too much to hold in. Chase and Bull left him crying on the floor and moved back to the elevator. Chase’s phone rang.
“Found anything?”
“Yeah,” came Link’s voice on the other end, “We found that PI. He’s been working out of a cheap motel here in London. Looks like he’s been following Chinner to all his meetings. He couldn’t tell us much, only that this contact that Chinner and Moore share, he’s never met with Chinner.”
“Good. We just finished with Chinner, he though we were the contact’s guys. We went him home. Can that PI confirm 100% that Chinner and this contact have never been face to face? I need to know he doesn’t know what Chinner looks like.”
“That’s what he said. Chinner doesn’t have Facebook either, and the company’s profile hasn’t been updated since he became CEO. I’m looking at my computer now and I can’t find a picture of this guy anywhere. He was nobody until about a month ago.”
“Perfect,” said chase as the elevator hit the bottom floor and he and bull crossed the lobby under the watchful gaze of the manager, “Come back to the room, I’ll meet you there. I think we need to prepare for our meeting with Benji tomorrow.”
***
“Decorum Inc.,” said Kelly, swiping the company’s logo of Cerberus, the guard dog of the underworld, from her tablet as it swung into view on one of Link’s screens. The rest of the team sat around the hotel room as she briefed them, minus Bull who was out on street watching for anyone coming to get nosey.
“Founded 2006, little-to-no public profile. Their website claims they work in cyber-security but I can’t find a single business or client that will cite working with them,” she continued, turning to face the team with a slight shrug of frustration.
“Owners?” asked Chase.
“Mostly anonymous private backers. A few high-profile tech companies and one French philanthropist but nothing that really stands out.”
“What else have we got? I can’t go into this meeting blind,” Chase stood and rubbed his temples. His head was throbbing from a combination of lack of sleep and what his body thought was an attempted caffeine overdose.
Link moved forward and Kelly handed him the tablet, “Yesterday James Chinner transferred five million dollars to a Swiss bank account with the reference ‘Decorum.’ I looked for transfers to the same bank account but it’s only a week old and it was closed three hours after the money was transferred.
“So,” Link continued, swiping through images on the tablet in his hand, “Instead I talked to a friend I have with some high level access to Swiss accounts and got him to look for transfers with the reference Decorum. There were dozens.”
“Dozens?” said Cassie and Chase simultaneously.
“Who from?” continued Chase.
“Most of them are just from account numbers, no names, but we picked up a known number; Alex Moore,” Link cracked a wry smile as the room tensed with his discovery, “Transferred eight million to another Swiss account a week ago which closed immediately after.”
“These guys are investing in something,” said Kelly, “If we can find out who the other investors are, maybe we can put together a profile of what they have in common. Moore and Chinner are both technology powerhouses in their own right, if that’s a trend we might know what they were funding.”
“Okay, Kelly and Link, you guys are on that. Get to Switzerland and make sure you see for yourself who these other investors are,” Chase ordered, standing up and beginning to pace as he thought up a plan. “Cassie, you’re with me tomorrow, we’re posing as Chinner and seeing who he was meeting. Hopefully it’s the contact.”
“What about the rest of us boss?” asked Randall, his sleek, thin figure easing out from against the wall.
“Keep digging and stay armed. Be ready.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey there,
I liked the story so far. It is not lagging or boring. I suggest you to make all these chapters into one (maybe) Because it's all so small to be these many. I like the pace and the dialogue delivery of the characters, everything is good with the flow.
Dreamy again to review.
sent
The plot is very compelling. You have crafted your characters with such uniqueness, they are intriguing and not repetitive like all other private detectives, I have assumed that Chase is one, if I'm not mistaken. I'd like to know what happens next, it's fun to read. Good luck with that. And this will indeed make a very good novel or if at all a good serial I can guarantee you that. Good luck with this!
Keep writing!!!
Cheers!!!
Yeah, I had actually read this and jut forgot to do a review on it. I'm glad that you had asked me to review for you.
This chapter seemed a little boring, but obviously there are going to be parts like this in a story. The reason I think this is pretty flat though is because we don't really know all of the characters all that well. We know Cassie and Chase, they have a dimension to their character. The others don't really have that.
That was all I noticed about this. I'm sorry that others haven't review this. Anyway, keep up with this story. I want to know who killed Alex Moore.