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Young Writers Society


12+

The Sorcerer's Secret, Chapter 1

by Riverlight


Coryn Williams had always seen himself as normal, even if he was one of the most skilled students at the Imperial Academy and the son of one of the most influential Senators in the world. Was that his fault? No, but it seemed like everyone expected more out of him for it. And he had met their expectations and sometimes exceeded them-- even his teachers admitted that he could surpass them in some areas of magical ability. So it excited him when he received a note from the Headmistress that read:

Dear Mr. Williams,

I request that you come to my private quarters at once to discuss matters that are of the utmost importance to me. As one of my most successful students, I wish to speak with you regarding certain things that I believe may interest you.

Sincerely,

Sinestra Hopkins-Jones, Headmistress

Head of the Noble and Moste Ancient Houses of Hopkins and Jones

Immediately, he began sprinting towards the nearest staircase, his feet slamming against the granite floor with every stride. The Headmistress's private office was on the second floor, to the northern side of the Imperial Academy. He passed the dining room, the savory scent of tender rotisseries and steaming teas drifting out into the hallway, students laughing and talking as they ate their dinner. A few students that lingered in the hall saw little more than a giant jumping towads the staircases, a mop of ruddy red hair atop his head.

Two soldiers stood to either side of theHeadmistress's door; she often had protection provided by the government, though in truth she did not need it. Her skill and prowess was renowned across the multiverse. Coryn nodded to both of them. They were garbed in midnight blue uniforms with guns holstered to either side; the one to the right of the door had a wand holstered as well. The teenager that stood before them was gray-eyed and long-limbed with a diamond-shaped face. He wore a silver sweater vest with midnight blue trim and black pants. From his pocket, he withdrew a folded piece of paper.

"I'm here to see the Headmistress," he said to them. "I'm Williams, Coryn Williams. She sent for me."

The guard with the wand took the note and read it carefully. Then he withdrew his wand and muttered something to himself. "It's legit," he said. "Let him in." The other guard took a key and unlocked the door to the room, ushering Coryn inside before closing the door and locking it once more.

Coryn looked around the office he had stepped into. The room was a flawless circle with a hallway to his right leading deeper in. A perfect display case wrapped its way around the room, books and devices of intrigue filling up its shelves-- swords, wands, treasures, potion bottles. A red rug lay on the floor, a cedar wood desk and its chair centered at the heart of the room. Two more chairs sat in front of it; Coryn remembered that he had been in here once before, when he had first met the Headmistress. On that day, he, she, and his mother all sat in this very room some 10 years ago. He had not been back in here since.

"She's back here," a voice that was unfamiliar to him called somewhat snappishly. It was a woman's voice with some kind of odd, foreign accent. There was power in it, and anger, too. "Hurry up, boy!"

"Now, now," the raspy voice of the Headmistress replied as Coryn turned down the hall, coming to the door at the end. "You promised to play nice." As Coryn came inside, she waved her wrinkled thumb, and the door shut. "Good afternoon, Mr. Williams. I apologize for interrupting your studies."

Sinestra Hopkins-Jones was an ancient-looking woman that was wrinklier than a mastiff. Her skin was pale and her hair, which was normally wrapped in a tight bun, was pale white and tangled up. Coryn knew she was older than she had claimed-- officially, she was 202 years old, but that seemed a bit young for her at the very least. She was sitting up in her bed, several pillows stuffed behind her back. Sinestra was dressed in her proper attire, but nonetheless, it seemed like she hadn't left bed at all for the day.

"Yes, she's old, we're aware of that!" a voice snapped from behind Coryn. He turned and saw a woman sitting in an arm chair. She looked to be fairly young, maybe in her twenties or thirties, with long silver-blonde hair that reached down to her ankles. The woman wore black leggings, a ruffled skirt that was longer in the back than it was in the front, a white blouse, and a leather corset. Coryn could tell that he, a giant of 6'5", was taller than her-- as his best guess, she was a little less than six feet tall.

"Headmistress," the student said, not taking his eyes off the woman, "I thought Professor Dionysus was supposed to teach us how to make our minds impenetrable?"

He could feel the ancient woman smiling, but before she replied, she started hacking. When at last she could speak again, she mumbled, "Water, Deserae."

The strangely-dressed woman stood and rushed to the Headmistress's side, a glass of water in hand. "Drink, Sinestra... you've got to get through this."

After the old woman took several gulps, she weakly shoved the glass away from her thin lips, frowning, skin sagging beneath the sleeves of her dress. "Deserae... sit down, please." Reluctantly, the woman complied. The Headmistress turned her gaze to Coryn. "Mr. Williams... I'm... glad you've come."

"I'm glad to be here," he replied, green-gray eyes shining brightly. "It's always an honor to have a meeting with one so well-versed in the magical arts."

Sinestra smiled, her sea-colored eyes sparkling with wisdom and flattery. "Thank you, Mr. Williams... This--" she pointed one wrinkled finger at the odd woman in the chair-- "is Deserae Wintermere, a colleague, friend, and parent of mine. She has come to, eh... assist me today." The old woman too a deep breath and frowned. "Mr. Williams, the truth is that the rumors are true: I am far older than two mere centuries. My power has waxed and waned over time."

"Headmistress, what are you saying?" Coryn asked, concern flooding his voice.

The old woman offered him a comforting smile. "I realize that you have not known me outside of your divination and history classes since you were but a lad of seven years, but you understand what Master Lilo taught you, what the Professor taught you, what I taught you. At some point, all life must end: that was the lesson learned from the Long Winter. My time nears its end, Mr. Williams. But I have not yet finished teaching y--"

"He's not ready," Deserae snapped suddenly. "You can't just stop fighting. You have to live. Have to!"

Sinestra sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Deserae, my fighting days are over. I can hardly walk or lift my own cane, let alone take up a sword and fight. I haven't held one since '76. I've been spending these final years teaching what I know to the next generation. Now, it's time for the best of the next generation to take up my own tasks."

"You're dying?" Coryn blurted out suddenly. "You can't die! We need you, Headmistress! The Dragonhearts need you, my parents need you! The world, the multiverses need you if half of what you've taught us is true. You've saved the world a million times over."

"Never alone," she replied raspily, tone a bit rough, though her eyes sparkled with amusement, like a kitten pawing at a butterfly. "As I was saying, however... There is more for you to learn, Mr. Williams, but I cannot teach you. Lilo and Dionysus have neither the skill nor the ability to train you for what I have in mind. Deserae has neither the patience nor ability to survive as you scribble notes in the margins of books."

"...I take offense at that," the Wintermere woman mumbled from her seat. Sinestra shot her a death glare before continuing.

"There's a task I want you to take up, Mr. Williams. But I have my doubts... The blood of kings runs in your veins. Some are good. Many were not. The most recently of these was a ruthless tyrant killed by his own wife who was in turn murdered. I don't want you to be like them, Coryn. All I can offer you are these departing words." She allowed him to hear her voice in his mind, saying, I will be on the beach at sunset. Hide behind a rock and watch closely. If Deserae sees you, do not run; accept your fate. Remember these words: Seek the orange blossom and the hibiscus within, these words shall help you for you have trials to win; if you pass them when the clock strikes three, free at dusk on the solstice will you be.

Her presence left his mind, and he gasped for breath. Sinestra showed neither concern nor confusion on her face; rather, she was sad-- but why? What exactly did all that mean? Hibiscus? Orange blossom? It made no sense! But she had told him what to do-- what would he learn from the beach, though? Would Deserae attempt to train him in-- whatever he was supposed to do, despite what the Headmistress believed?

"You are dismissed, Mr. Williams," the old woman rasped before he could ask her anything. "Rest easy."

----------

It wasn't uncommon for Coryn to stay out late, even on school nights. While Liam would rather die than break a federal law, let alone one of their family rules, Coryn was more responsible and trustworthy than his older brother. He was trusted to be able to stay out after dark, whereas in all likelihood Liam would use his magic to prank someone. This evening, though, Coryn needed no magic-- he needed a rock, and he figured he'd need to hear the old woman speak. Why was she out here, anyways? The Headmistress seemed to provide more questions than answers.

Coryn waited in silence, hidden behind his rock as he waited for the old woman to appear with the Wintermere woman. He wasn't quite sure what to make of her, but he thought that she was a bit odd. Then again, Sinestra had said that she was close with the other woman-- maybe they were related somehow? It couldn't be blood-- Sinestra was far too old to have a living, breathing mother, let alone one that looked so--

"I do not fear death, Deserae," Sinestra rasped. "I have no reason to. These sands... Do you see them?"

"I do," the younger woman answered glumly. "What about them?"

"Each grain," the Headmistress replied, "represents one person, one life, past or present. That one there--" Coryn assumed she pointed a finger at the ground-- "represents Avanya. And those there are you and me. I can see Michael, Natalia, Honorine, all of my parents, Americans, Belecthorians, everyone. All of them are on this shore and beneath the waters of the ocean."

"Your point?" Wintermere asked rather hawkishly.

"My point," Sinestra murmurred quietly. Coryn stuck his head up just a little bit so that he could see her. She released Deserae's hand and start to walk deeper into the water, unaided by anything other than her cane. "I suppose that my point might be interpreted by anyone that heard me make it. If you are asking instead what I meant by it, well... That's a lesson you must learn on your own."

The Headmistress turned around and looked at Coryn-- or maybe his rock, but he felt she knew he was there-- before looking at Deserae one final time. Silently, she removed her hand from the cane and it drifted back to shore.

"Now," she rasped, "I am free."

Sinestra Hopkins-Jones disintegrated into silver dust, the ocean scattering her ashes as the waves moved back and forth. Wintermere cried out in pain like am injured beast, wailing like a banshee.

"No!" she hissed. "No! You will not take my daughter from me!"

Daughter? thought Coryn silently. He started to lower his head again, but then he saw the Wintermere woman look directly at him. Not in his direction, but at him. And then she charged.

"You! You aren't supposed to be here!" she snarled. Her hands began to glow, and a hole opened in the sand beneath his feet. Coryn was falling, falling, falling, and then he heard and saw no more.


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rida says...



I
Loved
This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please tag me when you post the 3rd chapter




Riverlight says...


Thank you!!! I will!!!



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Sat Feb 27, 2021 8:42 pm
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akanbright wrote a review...



Leave a comment or review! Remember, the minimum review length is about 4 complete sentences. I love this art work. sincerely, its nice especially the way each character was presented. who could gage believed that an average old woman would beget such strickenly aged woman which I believe is yet to unfold itself in another chapter or so probably. An atmospheric air allusion seems to be hanging around. for the plot, it was well arranged, though too many descriptions were put in place which I don't give concurrence to.
A literary piece should be able to solely penetrate the heart of not just the reader but the writer as well. I tend to observe briskly that the tone of this story is segmented on an additional mood that characterises the work and characters.




Riverlight says...


Thanks for the review! <3



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Sat Feb 27, 2021 8:03 am
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AceassinOfTheMoon wrote a review...



hlkadsfj anxiety go yeet let's do this

!!!! Amazing!!!!!!

I absolutely love the way you've written Deserae in this. You've got her almost spot-on, honestly. Also, I have made this joke before and I will make it again: child go YEET!

Coryn Williams had always seen himself as normal, even if he was one of the most skilled students at the Imperial Academy and the son of one of the most influential Senators in the world. Was that his fault? No, but it seemed like everyone expected more out of him for it.

A down-to-earth Senator's son and skilled magician. Haven't seen one of those in a while. This opening line gives him a grand air and a humble air at the same time which is a feat I applaud you for.
Also, I love the name Coryn, it's amazing and wonderful, but my brain immediately started pronouncing it "Corn." I'm sorry XD

And he had met their expectations and sometimes exceeded them-- even his teachers admitted that he could surpass them in some areas of magical ability.

Fake. What kind of teacher admits that their student is better than them? XD I'm sorry this review is probably going to be full of not-funny jokes

I love Sinestra's letter. It's just like "hey yo come meet me I wanna tell you some stuff!" and then he goes and she's like "so I'm dying" and he's just like "you're WHAT NOW"
but I'm getting ahead of myself
anyway

Two soldiers stood to either side of theHeadmistress's door; she often had protection provided by the government, though in truth she did not need it. Her skill and prowess was renowned across the multiverse.

Not gonna lie I would've expected Sinestra to adamantly refuse to have guards nearby, no matter how much anyone insisted, however...
Coryn nodded to both of them. They were garbed in midnight blue uniforms with guns holstered to either side; the one to the right of the door had a wand holstered as well.

... these are some nice looking guards.
Also, why does the government think she needs protection? It's Sinestra. Enough said XD

The teenager that stood before them was gray-eyed and long-limbed with a diamond-shaped face. He wore a silver sweater vest with midnight blue trim and black pants. From his pocket, he withdrew a folded piece of paper.

This is the only part I'm not fond of in this piece? It feels like an abrupt switch of POV and it distracts from the flow of the story. Nice description, but out of place.

Coryn looked around the office he had stepped into. The room was a flawless circle with a hallway to his right leading deeper in. A perfect display case wrapped its way around the room, books and devices of intrigue filling up its shelves-- swords, wands, treasures, potion bottles. A red rug lay on the floor, a cedar wood desk and its chair centered at the heart of the room. Two more chairs sat in front of it; Coryn remembered that he had been in here once before, when he had first met the Headmistress. On that day, he, she, and his mother all sat in this very room some 10 years ago. He had not been back in here since.

Description babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I love it!! It gives off such cozy but also stabby and powerful vibes!!

"She's back here," a voice that was unfamiliar to him called somewhat snappishly. It was a woman's voice with some kind of odd, foreign accent. There was power in it, and anger, too. "Hurry up, boy!"

Dizzyyyyyyyyyyyyy my chaotic dumbass immortal babyyyyyyyy <3
I love?? How you introduced her??? Powerful!! Angry!! Foreign!!!! My baby!!!

"Now, now," the raspy voice of the Headmistress replied as Coryn turned down the hall, coming to the door at the end. "You promised to play nice."

Sinestra are you rebuking your mother right now because how DARE
also she deserves it
I love this interaction so much honestly. Deserae's upset, obviously, and Sinestra's trying to calm her down so she doesn't, idk, YEET THE CHILD I'm sorry I'll move on from that now~

Coryn knew she was older than she had claimed-- officially, she was 202 years old, but that seemed a bit young for her at the very least.

I love this. Sinestra's just like "hmm yes I am Very Young, nobody question me" and nobody does. Even Sinestra lies about her age occasionally. Is this a vanity thing or just a secretive I'm-pretending-I'm-younger-than-I-am-for-reasons-yet-to-be-discovered thing?

"Yes, she's old, we're aware of that!" a voice snapped from behind Coryn.

Can I just point out how much of a Deserae thing it is to just. read someone's mind.

He turned and saw a woman sitting in an arm chair. She looked to be fairly young, maybe in her twenties or thirties, with long silver-blonde hair that reached down to her ankles. The woman wore black leggings, a ruffled skirt that was longer in the back than it was in the front, a white blouse, and a leather corset. Coryn could tell that he, a giant of 6'5", was taller than her-- as his best guess, she was a little less than six feet tall.

As always, Deserae is iconic and wears something straight out of a wild west steampunk-ish story~
I also realize that this is pretty much the only description of her clothing I've ever given you XD

"Headmistress," the student said, not taking his eyes off the woman, "I thought Professor Dionysus was supposed to teach us how to make our minds impenetrable?"

Ah, Coryn, but this is Deserae. She started off as pretty much a Mary Sue self-insert character although I pride myself on the fact that she's grown past that stage by this point. Of course she can read your mind.
I mean, she's powerful and old and stuff. Yeah.
I really like how this interaction shows off kind of the extent of Dezzi's powers. She's powerful enough to get past Coryn's defenses, even though it's been indicated earlier that he's rather powerful himself. Love it.

Not gonna quote anything specifically here but like. I love it. Coryn complimenting Sinestra. The slow hinting at what Sinestra's about to say.

"He's not ready," Deserae snapped suddenly. "You can't just stop fighting. You have to live. Have to!"

Sinestra sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Deserae, my fighting days are over. I can hardly walk or lift my own cane, let alone take up a sword and fight. I haven't held one since '76. I've been spending these final years teaching what I know to the next generation. Now, it's time for the best of the next generation to take up my own tasks."

Screeeeeeeeee ;-; Even though they've had their rough patches cough, Age of Men Deserae still cares so deeply for Sinestra ;-;
I agree with Deserae: You can't stop fighting! You have to live! ;-;

And then Coryn's sudden realization. T^T

"...I take offense at that," the Wintermere woman mumbled from her seat. Sinestra shot her a death glare before continuing.

Is she offended that Sinestra's telling her she doesn't have enough patience or that Coryn scribbles notes in books, because honestly it could be both XD

Hide behind a rock and watch closely. If Deserae sees you, do not run; accept your fate. Remember these words: Seek the orange blossom and the hibiscus within, these words shall help you for you have trials to win; if you pass them when the clock strikes three, free at dusk on the solstice will you be.

"So yeah, here's some cryptic hints that'll help you when my mother yeets you into a magic portal!"
Seriously though, y e s. Mysterious cryptic hints. I can't wait to see how these tie into the story.

A liiiiiiiiiittle bit of an abrupt timeskip here but y'know it works anyway!

Coryn waited in silence, hidden behind his rock as he waited for the old woman to appear with the Wintermere woman. He wasn't quite sure what to make of her, but he thought that she was a bit odd. Then again, Sinestra had said that she was close with the other woman-- maybe they were related somehow? It couldn't be blood-- Sinestra was far too old to have a living, breathing mother, let alone one that looked so--

Alright, love Coryn's thoughts about Deserae, but I would like to point out that Sinestra introduced Deserae as a parent of hers. XD

"Each grain," the Headmistress replied, "represents one person, one life, past or present. That one there--" Coryn assumed she pointed a finger at the ground-- "represents Avanya. And those there are you and me. I can see Michael, Natalia, Honorine, all of my parents, Americans, Belecthorians, everyone. All of them are on this shore and beneath the waters of the ocean."

Mentioning Avanya made me wish we could've gotten more interaction between her and Sinestra~
On the other hand, I'm not sure exactly how well they would've gotten along if we'd gotten more interaction, so XD

HHHHHHHHHHHH SINESTRA'S DEATH
I'M GETTING SERIOUS DEJA VU HAVE YOU WRITTEN THIS BEFORE AND POSTED IT SOMEWHERE??? DOESN'T MATTER IT'S STILL SAD ;-;

aaaaaaaaaaaand finishing off with child go YEET!! Coryn's off on his Isekai adventure!

Enspoilered below are a few little nitpicky things about grammar and spelling~
Spoiler! :
As one of my most successful students, I wish to speak with you regarding certain things that I believe may interest you.

This is a misplaced modifier, indicating that Sinestra is one of her most successful students. XD I would add a "you" in there, making it "As YOU are one of my most successful students..."

A few students that lingered in the hall saw little more than a giant jumping towads the staircases, a mop of ruddy red hair atop his head.

starlitmind already pointed this out, but... *towards

Two soldiers stood to either side of theHeadmistress's door;

You're missing a space there :P

The old woman too a deep breath and frowned.

*took

I hope that didn't feel too annoying and nitpicky ;-;

Anyway!!! To wrap up my review!!! I love!!!!!!






Good lord this is so much freaking longer than I intended it to be I'm sorry XD



Riverlight says...


Length is good XD

In my mind, Sinestra was kinda told "keep the guards or you're fired" and she was like "bish, I don't need them but eye candy good" XD

Sinestra wishes she was younger, so, yes, vanity XD

It;s both XD

YES I DID IT'S POSTED IN THE FANFIC THREAD YEET OVER THERE AND COMPARE

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW, I LOVE THIS <333





YOU'RE WELCOME <33



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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey friend, thanks for tagging me! <3 I am very intrigues by your title, and I'm super excited to figure out what this is all about!! I'm just going to get right into it ~

Coryn Williams had always seen himself as normal, even if he was one of the most skilled students at the Imperial Academy and the son of one of the most influential Senators in the world.


Omg, this sentence already gives Coryn such a grand atmosphere xD I'm guessing some not-so-normal things are going to happen to him soon! Also, I love the name "Coryn"!!

Sinestra Hopkins-Jones, Headmistress


OHH ITS THAT SINESTRA THATS THE HEADMISTRESS, okay this sounds very interesting 0.0

A few students that lingered in the hall saw little more than a giant jumping towads the staircases, a mop of ruddy red hair atop his head.


I really love this paragraph, since you took the time to talk about the different smells. And I love this sentence in particular cx It was a subtle way to sneak in some description about Coryn, like his size and his hair colour! (also, I believe you meant "towards" :p) So I just wanted to point out that I really liked this <3

Two soldiers stood to either side of theHeadmistress's door; she often had protection provided by the government, though in truth she did not need it.


But why would she need protection in the first place omg 0.0 do they have rival schools? or does she just generally have enemies across this world? I wonder why, hm ~

They were garbed in midnight blue uniforms with guns holstered to either side; the one to the right of the door had a wand holstered as well. The teenager that stood before them was gray-eyed and long-limbed with a diamond-shaped face.


Wait, is the teenager Coryn? I thought this was written in the perspective of Coryn, like 3rd person limited, but this makes it seem like 3rd person omniscient xD but they are pretty descriptions, though! I would just separate the guards' from Coryn's because they run into each other a bit

Spoiler! :
Coryn looked around the office he had stepped into. The room was a flawless circle with a hallway to his right leading deeper in. A perfect display case wrapped its way around the room, books and devices of intrigue filling up its shelves-- swords, wands, treasures, potion bottles. A red rug lay on the floor, a cedar wood desk and its chair centered at the heart of the room. Two more chairs sat in front of it; Coryn remembered that he had been in here once before, when he had first met the Headmistress. On that day, he, she, and his mother all sat in this very room some 10 years ago. He had not been back in here since.


I put the quote in a spoiler because it was long xD Okay, so I really enjoyed these descriptions! You're getting increasingly better at them, and it's so lovely to get a good sense of what the office looks like. I also love the different verbs you used: wrapped, centered. And the last sentence just shows how "difficult" (idk if that's the right word) it is to have a meeting with Sinestra. Or, I guess what I'm saying is taht it's not very common to have a meeting with her. That's quite interesting!!

Ooh Sinestra seems like quite the character! She seems to have as strong personality, and I love how old she is lol xD

The strangely-dressed woman stood and rushed to the Headmistress's side, a glass of water in hand. "Drink, Sinestra... you've got to get through this."

After the old woman took several gulps, she weakly shoved the glass away from her thin lips, frowning, skin sagging beneath the sleeves of her dress.


Oh no, is her power getting weaker? Coryn said before she didn't need bodyguards, but maybe she might need some now? :O or maybe just now she isn't feeling the best

Is Coryn going to replace her or something? xD

"He's not ready," Deserae snapped suddenly. "You can't just stop fighting. You have to live. Have to!"


IS HE GOING TO REPLACE HER?????????

"You're dying?" Coryn blurted out suddenly. "You can't die! We need you, Headmistress! The Dragonhearts need you, my parents need you! The world, the multiverses need you if half of what you've taught us is true. You've saved the world a million times over."


I love this bit of dialogue - I get to learn more about Sinestra and her accomplishments and just how important she is!

If Deserae sees you, do not run; accept your fate. Remember these words: Seek the orange blossom and the hibiscus within, these words shall help you for you have trials to win; if you pass them when the clock strikes three, free at dusk on the solstice will you be.


Omg what on earth is happening?! I love the mystery you're introducing in this chapter! I am very hooked cx

"Now," she rasped, "I am free."

Sinestra Hopkins-Jones disintegrated into silver dust, the ocean scattering her ashes as the waves moved back and forth. Wintermere cried out in pain like am injured beast, wailing like a banshee.


Omg I kinda thought she was going to die or something ,, but I didn't think she actually would 0.0 ahhh

"No!" she hissed. "No! You will not take my daughter from me!"


OKAY WHAT WHAT SO MUCH IS HAPPENING

"You! You aren't supposed to be here!" she snarled. Her hands began to glow, and a hole opened in the sand beneath his feet. Coryn was falling, falling, falling, and then he heard and saw no more.


DUDE WHAT IS HAPPENING

Okay, I have three points I'd like to make/suggest ^_^ <3

1.) I think the conversation between Coryn and Sinestra was rather quick. Maybe you could add some random, unimportant things. Like I know Sinestra needs to get out what she needs to say, but maybe she could be more relaxed for a moment? Like she could ask Coryn if he wants anything to drink or perhaps how his family is doing. Just small chat

2.) I think that maybe there should be something in between the Sinestra meeting and the Sinestra dying part. Like something trivial. Perhaps he does to eat a late dinner by himself and has a chat with one of his buddies? or just alone? Or maybe he's working on homework before he goes to that meeting? I just think that this chapter, while seriously exciting, moves a bit quickly. But it's totally up to you :)

3.) AHHHHHH I LOVE THIS CHAPTER! There was a lot going on, and I love how I'm already super excited for the next chapter xD you did a great job with descriptions, and this chapter was very gripping. I think it did a great job in establishing some setting while also being exciting to hook the reader and keep them reading. So I really loved that <3

I am seriously excited for the next chapter omg. Good luck in your writings! <3 much love




Riverlight says...


Thanks for the review!!!

1.) I didn't think about that!! Thanks for letting me know!

2.) I thought about including a dinner with his family but decided against it for some reason. XD

3.) YAY I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE IT!!!!

4.) Heads-up, I'm writing the next America Rising chapter, and it'll have spoilers for Ch. 2 of this, so be careful XD




We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer