This is open for interpretation. I will change it after I've had some more time to look at it. Meanwhile, love it, loath it, live it, trash it.
I walk through the open door,
and enter my mind.
What do I find?
Yet another door that is my thoughts.
I walk through and find a hallway,
Extending out for miles.
I find a labyrinth of knowledge.
This way and that,
I traverse my universe.
What do I seek in here?
The truths of my past.
The understanding of my present
The possibility of my future.
All this seems to be a guide to what I am searching for.
The stirring cauldron of memories that is my mind.
I search for longing.
That longing that everyone has felt.
But the uncertainty that I will ever find it,
Creates this shinning jewel,
To become dull and lifeless.
Why do I search for this if I know the consequences?
The mass of emotions that is my mind.
I have felt them all before.
But for whom have I felt them for?
To comb through one’s emotions,
Is to reveal the true nature of one’s self.
Why do I untangle this bulge of emotions?
The power and control that is my mind.
Determined to search for that,
of which I need to obtain,
unleashes endless nights of misery.
Through the pain and sorrow,
reveals what I have desired for those long gone years.
From the clouds of my past and present, arises my guilt.
The life that was lived that is my mind.
The guilt I felt, is a guilt that was always there.
Bottled up inside, it became dusted and stored,
But never did it vanish.
I pull the cork off the bottle,
and to my eyes it is exposed.
The thoughts that is my mind.
If a picture paints a thousand words,
What do a thousand words paint
They all appear to me as if they were apart of my surroundings,
Telling a tale of love and longing for a girl from a life forgone.
That is what it is. The guilt. That is my mind.
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140,910 Literary Works • 673,729 Reviews
Personally, I enjoyed it a lot. I don't know if it was the way it was written, or that I was staring at your icon and was picturing Doctor Who the whole time. I really think it's...a bit of both. I think it's a wonderful piece about the mind which is a mystery to everyone (even its owner, ha ha). With a little buffing in conventions, I think it would be a winner.
I don't agree with the above about your first stanza, though, because it works well with the work as a whole. Really, I think it goes well with a tale about searching the mind--it draws you in and snags you--good job!
Other than that, I think it's solid. Nice work!
Love to read more from you!
~Horseradish
Personally, i feel that the theme of the poem changes throughout it.
I think you stanza about the bottle and guilt is rather good, and if i was you, i would write a piece around this. This also feels more like it should written in prose rather than poetry.
I also think that you need to write another first stanza as it doesn't feel like an opening, it feels like you are just being pulled straight into it, unless this is intentional.
But overall a good piece.