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Corncob

Comment

Corncob commented · Tue Jun 17, 2014 11:15 pm

Excellent and original! Keep writing!

Nica

Review

Nica wrote a review · Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:51 am

Hey, victorianbeauty here to give a (hopefully) awesome review!!! Lol Anyways, I'll get down to business.

Firstly, may I just say how much I love this poem. It's so random and doesn't fit in at all with the cliche group of pieces we usually see on this site. Amazing! And now, for the nit-picks! *evil laugh* Just Kidding!

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz - I found my letters

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm - we were all reordered

I really liked the first line. It opened up the randomosity of the piece very well. I don't even know if randomosity is a word but we'll go for it anyways.
The second line was very different. For starters, I didn't even know that that was a word. But then again, we could fill a shelf of books with stuff I don't know.

i love you - requires more thought

ask- was a bit of a jump

please - comes quite easily

This part draws me out of the story you're telling a little bit. Somehow, I just don't feel that it fits. It doesn't have anything to do with a keyboard or computing.

Insert-Home-Page Up-Delete-End-Page Down - we've all got functions

Num lock - rattle snake grip on the emotions

This is probably my favorite part of the entire poem. I really love the phrase "rattle snake grip on the emotions".

Other than this, I don't really have anything else to comment on except.......you don't capitalize anything. You need to capitalize the first letter of every sentence.

Great piece!! Can't wait to see more like this.

~Victorianbeauty

JayeCShore

Review

JayeCShore wrote a review · Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:57 pm

Hi, J.C. here for a review!

Okay, this is really, really unique. Probably one of the most "out there" pieces I've seen on YWS, honestly. Who comes up with this sort of thing? (*cough cough*)

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz - I found my letters

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm - we were all reordered

Just because I'm a weirdo, I sat here and thought about how you could turn this into a story, and all the symbolism behind it. But seriously, I thought this part was cool. "I found my letter, we were all reordered." Who would have thought that Qwerty could have some meaning after all. And I can't believe that Google spell-check counts it as an actual word.

i love you - requires more thought

ask- was a bit of a jump

please - comes quite easily

I am a bit confused as to why these lines were placed in here, being that they don't have keys on the keyboard? I would like to know, if you have some insight of your own.

Which brings me to another thing I noticed. I felt like you left out some of the most controversial keys on the board, such as Alt, Tab, Delete, and that little squiggly one at the top, Mr. ~. There's so much you could do with them. But it's more of a suggestion than a criticism.

Num lock - rattle snake grip on the emotions

A bit of dry humor here ;P Nobody else in my family got it, but hey, I laughed.

Print my screen - show my life

And then there's Formula 1

The first line here is awesome as well. Not much to say about it, but I thought it was creative and fun. As for the second line, I don't know if you know that the Fx keys are Function keys? But, either way, Formula 1 fits perfectly in so many ways, even if it makes no sense. Sort of poetic, in a weird, nerdy way. Can't blame me for being one, though

Once I got to the last key, I was pleasantly surprised. At first I was confused as to the point of this piece, but now I see it actually holds some real value in the world of Abstract Writing.

Thank you BloodinkSeesFootage!

#D65F54 ">- JC -

cleverclogs

Review

cleverclogs wrote a review · Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:58 pm

Hello there!

This is really good! I interpreted it as a metaphor for society and how it changes us, and you did an excellent job of it. I love how you used the computer functions to tie it all together.

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm - we were all reordered

I don't know why the word "we" was here. I think this line would make more sense if you removed it.

Other than that, I can't really find anything wrong with this poem. It really shows how confusing our lives can be sometimes- and all with a keyboard. With society, some things are more difficult, you know what other things are supposed to do, and you can't really see the purpose of other things. Bravo on the extended metaphor, I really enjoyed it. Also, your last line is just chilling. Just... really chilling.

This was a really interesting take on something that is written about quite often, and I loved reading it. Brilliant work! Keep it up!