Inadequacy streams from me,
You’re holding to different values.
I scream to hold your attention,
Not wanting to make the news.
I’m picturing my headline,
Silly girl killed at rebirth.
Couldn’t find my saviour,
An absence of self – worth.
Ideas that don’t match up,
You didn’t understand my woes.
Don’t worry anymore, my dear,
At my funeral be morose.
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139,388 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
KayKayKoala here for a review!
It has a great flow, if you took out some commas and periods
Otherwise it is a bit choppy
I love the rhyme scheme
It is definitely good, and seems to have real meaning, but you have the ability to add more imagery and I don't think that could hurt it
It is definitely dramatic!
I hope you keep up the writing and good work
<3
Over and out,
KayKayKoala
Nice poem! It's a bit choppy with the commas and the rhythm. Try and keep a consistency as best you can with ryhthm so the flow is smooth.
Try and make the reader feel something in this poem. Add more imagery is what I'm trying to say.
This one line I had to reread because it just sounded odd in my head:
"You're holding to different values." Hmm I don't know about this line for some reason. Maybe "You're holding different values." Or maybe I'm just crazy. Yep that's it.
Keep up the good work this poem has a lot of potential!
Don't change anything if you don't want to its your work and its beautiful
Just try and keep a smoother rhythm is pretty much it.
Keep writing! I would love if you could review my work sometime
Formatting went screwy. Will try and fix it later.