Part 3 - Misplaced Trust

by Renard

Published June 18, 2014

16+

In Think Like A Dude Re-write

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

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Friday 20th June

5pm – Bedroom

Am horrified by prospect of date being dubbed: ‘Booty Call.’ It is disgraceful the way in which women are objectified in modern society.


5:01pm

Shall become feminist.


5:03pm

Wondering whether breasts look appealing in this dress?

5:04pm

Have realised irony. And hypocrisy. However, have also realised that my breasts did in fact, NOT, look big enough in their current state. Therefore, I have fiddled with the padding in my bra to try and make them look bigger.

5:10pm

Breasts look much better.


5:12pm

Am ready for booty call now.

7pm – Redford Cinema

Stood outside. Freezing cold. Early. By an hour!

7:15pm

Wondering how I managed this?

7:17pm

Ah yes, confused booty call time given by JC.

7:18pm

Why am I calling him JC now?


8pm

Soaked the bone now. Hope John likes the wet-breasted look. And the drowned rat hair look. And the panda-eyed mascara look. Pffft.


8:20pm

A true dude wouldn’t worry about any of that.


8:21pm

A true dude wouldn’t even know what mascara was!


10:30pm – Home

Am sad excuse for human being. Cannot believe I waited for like… three hours!!! In the rain. Freezing. Soaked. And John Clements was nowhere to be seen.

10:31pm

Am thoroughly ashamed of self.

Am complete fool.


11pm

Dry now. Had phone call with Ben. Explained everything.

11:30pm

Can hardly write for tears. It turns out… the booty call as a set up. John Clements was running a bet with his friend to see if I thought I had a chance with him. What a really sick boy he is.

11:35pm

Was clearly completely wrong. Overly hopeful and in summary: have been punked.

11:36pm

Yea. I’ve been on Urban Dictionary. Again.


11:40pm

Wonder if they write definitions for names?

11:42pm

Ha! They do indeed. A rather accurate description actually. Look:

John:- a young and attractive male with girls lining up to go out with him. Leads on the underdog whilst laughing at pictures of football mishaps and leaves her waiting outside Redford cinema for three hours. Is complete, hairy areshole.

11:50pm

Alright I confess. I am now a member of Urban Dictionary and wrote that definition myself.

11:51pm

Hence the startling accuracy.

11:52pm

Ok, ok. I am a sad, pathetic human being. I know.


11:54pm

Gives up. Goes to bed.

Comments & reviews · 4
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cvandoren1
Comment
cvandoren1 commented Comment · Aug 20, 2014

I couldn't find a single thing to change in this part. Your grammar is all good. I, once again, love how you capture this inside of a young girl's mind. And your writing pattern and techniques are very consistent. That is hard to do! Please keep writing!!!

User avatar
Laure
Comment
Laure commented Comment · Jun 29, 2014

I love you. I love your work.

Renard replied · Jun 29, 2014

O.O Fanks. XD I love you too. ;)

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Ardor
Review
Ardor wrote a review Review · Jun 19, 2014

Awwww, I can relate to this part so much. :( I feel so sorry for your character. :/

I just...I just hate John! So much! I should have seen the signs early on too. :P Thanks for tricking me XD I honestly thought he was going to be quite nice. Oh well, she deserves better and probably will find someone better.

This part wasn't really funny, and that was probably your intention, but...dangit I feel sorry for your character. She waited 3 hours only to be stood up. Poo. XD Still, it had some humour, such as in this extract:

11:35pm

Was clearly completely wrong. Overly hopeful and in summary: have been punked.


11:36pm

Yea. I’ve been on Urban Dictionary. Again.


I like your references again to UD to lighten up the mood. However, this moment is very sad:

11:52pm

Ok, ok. I am a sad, pathetic human being. I know.

11:54pm

Gives up. Goes to bed.


Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Don't give up XD Fight the oppressive power of buttholes who make bets on pretty girls. :D

-hugs-

I am hoping the next part will see your character beating the daylights out of this John guy; probably not, but one can only hope. :)

Spoiler
Did I ever tell you that I love you? <3 {

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Unique
Review
Unique wrote a review Review · Jun 19, 2014

LOL! This is funny! But it is also sad.... I noticed a few grammatical errors in here:
1) "Soaked the bone now" I believe you meant to say, "Soaked to the bone"

I thought there was one more, but now I can't find it... Hm... Maybe not.

I love how you did the time's and then explained. I also loved how she though. LOL. The whole Urban Dictionary thing... That was funny. But then again, I felt sorry for her... Mixed feelings...

Great job! :D



i am neither a loose leaf nor do i like loose leafs. really, i am a piece of wide-ruled looseleaf paper.
— looseleaf