EXT. OUTSIDE OF HEARTY - MORNING
The atmosphere is tense as students study feverishly for their final exams. Many students sit in clumps of groups with their math books, calculators, and notebooks. One of these groups consists of a pair of friends hunched over, studying. One friend, JAKE, 14, slacker, procrastinator extraordinaire stares at his book like it was the hieroglyphic script while ALEX, 14, calm, confident breezes through his well-written notes. Alex is usually collected accept when things go very wrong.
JAKE
Hey, Alex, you're smart. Can you show me how to do this problem?
Alex leans over to see his friend's book.
ALEX
Sure, what do you need to know?
JAKE
Everything.
ALEX
Did you study at all?
JAKE
I'm studying now.
ALEX Y
ou shouldn't have crammed, man, the finals are in 20 minutes.
JAKE
I work better when procrastinating.
Alex makes a skeptical "mmhmm" noise, like to voice without words, "That's what they all say."
JAKE
Sorry, we can't be all goody two shoes, perfect, straight-A, teacher's pets like you.
He goes back to cramming.
Alex goes to his bag. He looks for his calculator. He can't find it.
ALEX
Crap,
JAKE
What happened?
ALEX You can forget comments about how much a goody I am because I think I forgot my calculator.
JAKE
Aw, dude, that sucks.
Alex dumps his bag out, but there is nothing but a folder. Alex looks in the folder.
JAKE
Dude, it's not-
ALEX
(distressed)
I know!
Jake recoils from his outburst. Alex jumps up and makes sure that he wasn't sitting on it. He didn't find it.
JAKE
Where are you going?
ALEX
(shrugging)
Maybe a math teacher will lend me one.
JAKE
(Joking)
You want to ask them for the answers to the multiple choice while you're at it?
Alex rolls his eyes. He walks off. As he searches for a teacher around campus, he gets more distressed and panicked when he doesn't see a math teacher. He thinks he sees a math teacher from the back....
ALEX
Mr. Chambers, Ms. Reed!
...however, when he calls their names, the people he was calling turns around slightly to reveal that were actually students that look like the teachers.
He stops in his tracks, disappointed and feeling silly for mistaking them for teachers. He walks int:.
INT. WEINBURG BUILDING - MORNING
As Alex marches through the crowded room, he looks from group to group and person to person. It seems there is no math teacher nor person he could get a calculator from. He sits down at one of the chairs, stressed. He rubs his temples and peers around the room and notices right in front of him a calculator. He checks his surroundings to see if it is anyone's. It's not near a bag. It doesn't seem like it belongs to someone, so he picks it up. Relief washes over his features. He checks the front of the case for a name. From what he could tell there is no name.
COLE (O.S)
Is that your calculator?
Alex hears the voice behind him and jumps. He sees Cole scrutinizing the calculator. Cole is tall, aggressive, rude, and uses intimidation to get his way. There is a beat before Alex can spit out his lie.
ALEX
(hesitant)
Yes.
COLE
Really? Give it. It might be mine.
(lying)
I lost mine.
Alex hands him the calculator.
Cole barely looks at it before announcing;
COLE
Yep, this is mine.
(insincerely)
Sorry. Alex.
Before Cole could walk away, Alex glances at the calculator one more time. We don't notice what he saw yet. Alex tries to stop him, but CAMERON steps in.
CAMERON
Hey guys, have you seen my calculator? I thought it was right here.
Cole nor Alex answer for a second, but then Alex speaks up:
ALEX
Yeah, Cole here actually found it. He was going to give it to the office. You never know who might steal your stuff here.
Cole flashes Alex a discrete, dirty look before pulling the calculator out of his bag which has the name Cameron T. scribed in the bottom left corner of the calculator case.
Alex leaves to find a new calculator and to avoid Cole, but Cole trails behind him.
COLE
Nice one, now we both don't have calculators.
ALEX
Go away, Cole.
COLE
I never thought you as a thief, but it's undeniable you were going to walk off with that calculator. You're desperate. You should've taken it before I came in and stole it from you.
ALEX
It wasn't right to have stolen it.
COLE
Don't lecture me, hypocrite.
They walk out of the building
EXT. CAMPUS - DAY
COLE
Why don't you just take from that stupid friend of yours?
ALEX
Jake is not an idiot.
COLE
Well, any guy is an idiot compared to you. You don't even need a calculator. Can't you just be satisfied with getting an A instead of an A++.
ALEX
That's not how finals work. The best I can get is a B-.
From far away, Jake calls to Alex:
JAKE
Hey, Alex, I found an extra calculator in my locker. You can have it.
Cole charges at Jake. Alex runs to beat Cole.
Cole sprints at Jake like a bull. Jake stands there like a deer in headlights before running away himself with the calculator. Cole tackles Jake. Alex gets into the dog pile as well and the three of them wrestle for the calculator. Jake restrains Cole's arm with one hand and the other he holds the calculator away, but Cole manages a strong grasp on a corner of the calculator. Alex is on Cole's back and has a hand on the calculator as well. Alex jabs Cole with his elbow, and this releases Cole's grasp so that Alex escapes with the calculator. He sprints as far away from Cole as possible but stops as something feels off. Alex shakes it. He opens up the place where the batteries would be and realize it is empty. The bell rings. Kids are leaving for exams. Alex is struck with panic while Cole is running from behind him inraged. He is inches to punching Alex when:
INT. ALEX'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Alex bolts up into bed. He exhales, and he becomes relieved when he realizes it was all just a dream.
He goes over to his desk with piles of math notes, grabs his calculator, and throws it in his bag in the other room. He turns the lights off in the room. There is a beat. Then the light turns back on and he throws a pile of batteries in the bag, a little too many batteries, and goes back to bed.
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138,932 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
Yes, there were some grammar and spelling mistakes, but I thought that they weren't very distracting. The only problem that I have with it is that, through the dialogue, I wasn't entirely convinced that the characters were 14 years old. From my experience at least 14 year olds talk a bit differently. Of course my statement is not true for everywhere or every person. In my Drama (theatre) classes many people have experienced the problem of characters not acting their age. Perhaps I'm wrong or perhaps its more of personal preference.
Anyway I thought it was a nice scene. Especially the part where it turned out to be a dream, which, I thought, was a very realistic dream. From where I come from the finals are a very tough and stressful process, and I know people who dreams of failure. Although where I come from calculators are provided. I would rank this scene 4.3 stars out of 5. Good luck in the future.
Dang, why it need to be a dream?
Anyway, hello. I'm bluecoral.
First impression- I like this story. This is my first time reviewing a script, and the different presentation got me at first.
The idea of story is simple. A boy forgot his calculator on a big exam. I love how relatable that scene is, and we all know without a calculator we won't survive a math exam.
Your writing is clear. Your description is also good, although there are some small mistakes. Still, it's a good read for me.
groups consists - consist
collected accept - except
ou - you
like to voice - likely
Didn't find - can't find
and panicked - panicks
a math teacher from the back - math teachers
calling turns - turn
checks his surroundings - surrounding
Thank you for the review and pointing out the mistakes.
Hey RedBox, Becca here for a quick review.
So, not too many scripts on here. I wonder what you envisioned this being--a TV show, a stage production?
I thought there was an interesting plot/conflict. I think the characters could be more developed. My biggest criticism was that once the protagonist started stealing calculators, it became confusing who the calculator really belonged to. Additionally, I thought the "it was all a dream" ending was a bit cliche. Overall I thought this was a unique idea for a story, but how can you make it more realistic, while still being fresh?
Obviously your call as the author. Keep writing!