EXT. HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
A couple walks onto the front porch. The BOY,17, has an arm around the GIRL, 17. They're giggling and very happy.
INT. HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT - SAME TIME
Four siblings watch and listen to the couple outside. SISTER 1, SISTER 2, BROTHER 1, and BROTHER 2. all 11-16, have their faces pressed against the glass.
SISTER 1
(dreamily)
I think she may be the one.
BROTHER 2
Don't be such a romantic. I bet she'll dump him within a week.
SISTER 2
Twenty bucks within says 24 hours.
BROTHER 2
You're on.
BROTHER 1
You guys are so awful.
EXT. FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
They are where we left them but standing closer together.
BOY
Do you want to come in? We have a lot of ice cream, and I'd rather eat it with you than with my siblings.
GIRL
Sure.
INT. FOYER - NIGHT - SAME TIME
They are all in the same positions as we left them.
SISTER 2
(re: to what Boy said)
Jerk
The door opens. They all scramble except Brother 2 who is too slow and gets hit in the face by the door.
BOY
(opening the door)
What the?
Brother 2 scurries away, holding his wounded face.
SISTER 1 (O.S)
Everyone act natural.
GIRL
(looking around the house)
You have a nice home.
BOY
Thanks. Right this way is the kitchen.
On the way to the kitchen, they enter the;
INT. HOUSE - LIVINGROOM - NIGHT
Boy stumbles upon his siblings posing in unnatural positions (actors improvise positions). However, Brother 1 sits in front of the television that is playing [insert popular running show here].
BOY
(exasperated)
What are you guys doing?
BROTHER 1
(says in the most unnatural way possible)
Oh, hello, brother and brother's ladyfriend. We did not hear you come in. Please, sit.
(pats spot next to him on couch)
Brother, we still need to finish the last episode of season 2.
GIRL
(shrieks)
Jason! I can't believe you. You watched season 2 without me!
Girl hits him with her purse. Boy doubles over in pain.
GIRL
(angrily)
We are over!
She storms off. Boy is on the ground in a ball. In the background of you see Brother 2 giving Sister 2 the money.
The ending was sort of quick. It was funny, but the script went a bit quickly. I would give this 3/5. You should definitely write another one, and maybe give some more info on the characters. What are their names? How did they meet?
Keep up the good work.
Danni x
Hi Redbox. Becca here for quick review.
I thought this script moved so fast that when I blinked, I was almost at the ending. I think all of the characters in this could definitely be developed more. Who are these siblings? Who is this couple? What are their relationships like?
Everything is going well and all of a sudden they have a conflict over TV shows and the story is over. I'd love some more details.
Obviously your call as the writer. Keep writing! 
That was really funny, but I feel like you could have gone a little bit more with the act natural, like maybe the girl notices somehting is off with the siblings. Do you know what I mean. I also realize someone else mentioned the ending was a little off. It was funny but I feel like I wouldn't break up with someone over a TV show, especially if he was watching it with a sibling. Guys are cutter when they are good with kids.
I liked though how natural the siblings were. They were very ralistic making fun of their older brother. Also it's just like one to say something that would make a girl mad at you totally on accident.
I found this very hilarious. I like how the brothers and sisters tried to ruin their older brother's relationship (which I believe that's happening).
I really liked the ending the most. Funny how the girl broke up with him only because he watched season 2 without her.
Overall, nice job!
118,697 Literary Works • 643,048 Reviews
Points: 4417
Reviews: 104
Donate