Twisting, gnawing, boring, drilling
Pain- is there something more filling?
Love is fleeting, filled with sorrow,
Pain is there, pain is tomorrow.
Nothing claws inside the heart,
Nothing rips a soul apart,
Not like loss, or hurt, or tears-
They stay there, on through the years.
Love- some say it's stronger then all,
Why is love before the fall?
When love's so strong it causes pain,
Then love is not itself at all.
And so it seems, the pain stands steady,
No challenger is battle ready
To face off pain- to restate love,
Replace the raven with the dove.
Who can calm a dead man's mother?
Who can help hurt sister's brother?
And the victims of torment and strife-
What gives them a better life?
Not a one, they live with pain,
Pain without a single gain-
Of that sweet joy that they lack,
They will never get it back.
And still others find that the pain inside,
Is only a pain that they have to bide-
Not because a loss to death,
But still a loss that took their breath.
And at the end of the day, what does matter?
Love, peace, joy- they climb a ladder,
Up into the clouds and sky-
Leaving us here, high and dry.
Pain is stronger.
Pain is faster.
Pain is longer.
Pain is last here.
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140,939 Literary Works • 673,761 Reviews
I really loved this poem!! And it is true in most ways. I thought that it was really neat how everything fell together and the slow, beating rythym it had!! Great job! keep writing!!
I liked it. Good choice of words, and the flow was nice. I liked how you talked about love and pain, and how the feel was sad and in pain. I don't think I found any spelling or grammer issues, so really good job!
keep writing!
Heyy, VERY impressive to manage with that rhymescheme and still manage not to make any of them sound forced! The piece flowed on well and I liked the rythm too.. there could've been some more imagery to make the poem more vivid but overall this was a delightful thing to read! (The ending was a bit depressing though... what happened to love conquers all?
)
In the end, I think this deserves 4/5 spiders!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
I agree with the person who said "It's bumming me out but it's Beautiful!" I can really feel the emotion in it, and I can completely relate to all that you said. It's original because most pain vs. love poems have Love triumphing in the end but this was very real and showed that sometimes pain lasts more. It's bothering me a little bit that there isn't even a glimmer of hope in this poem, but that's just me, and I think it's fine without it in a way also.
"And so it seems, the pain stands steady,
No challenger is battle ready
To face off pain- to restate love,
Replace the raven with the dove." I really loved the flow and the words in this stanza. Especially the blunt imagery of replacing a raven with a dove! One thing I would change is that your 2nd to last and 3rd to last stanzas both began with "And" so maybe you could take one out or change it. Also the line that said "Who can help hurt sister's brother?" was a little confusing to read, although I can't think of a suggestion of how to change it and still keep the flow of words But this is a really great polished poem I couldn't really find any other mistakes or critiques. Keep up the lovely work!!
--tgirly
The poem flowed beautifully and the emotions were conveyed really effectively. Great Poem
wow wow wow!!! I love this.. You certainly have a way with words. This is so beautiful, clever word-play.
Okay, you've sufficently depressed me for today.
Or I suppose I should do a 
.
As I was reading this, I was thinking two things. One: Wow, you must be having a really bad day. Two: Even though this is bumming me out, it's kinda beautiful. The language was swooping and elegant and all those other adjectives I can't think of right now, which is why I really need a thesaurus. Keep up the depressing, beautiful work.
Oops, I forgot again.
Nice! I really enjoyed this piece! It really lets us know your thoughts on pain, your view and feelings about it. I liked the way it ended, with a different styte to the verse. Very rich and solidly put together. Good job!
<..> Kat