Skinny Cage

I agree with aVeryThoughtfulBeing. It really is beautiful. I can relate to it in both perspectives, the one watching this person destroying themselves, and the one who is destroying themselves. I really love the chorus. My favorite verse is probably the first. Besides the chorus, I can relate to that the most. I like the right amount of repetition, and the rhyme scheme, it really works for this song. Overall, I really like it.

This was beautiful and I see nothing wrong with it. A neat thing about the perspective is that someone can read it and take from it as the person that feels empty, or take something from it as the one who is watching and worried for the other. Great rhyme scheme, I really liked the chorus, and just the right dose of repetition. Needless to say it was... splendiferous. Yeah that.

Hey Razcoon!
I really enjoyed this! I can almost imagine it being played on the radio (of course, I don't know the tune). As a song, these lyrics are short and touching - very poetic. I liked the chorus a lot and felt like the person was frustrated with the person who was "a prisoner inside a skinny cage". In the third verse (I don't know why) the lyrics (in my head) turned into a bit of a rap song, I don't know if this was intentional but it happened.
Overall, I think this has a bit of potential.
Keep writing!

Hey Razcoon!
I really enjoyed this! I can almost imagine it being played on the radio (of course, I don't know the tune). As a song, these lyrics are short and touching - very poetic. I liked the chorus a lot and felt like the person was frustrated with the person who was "a prisoner inside a skinny cage". In the third verse (I don't know why) the lyrics (in my head) turned into a bit of a rap song, I don't know if this was intentional but it happened.
Overall, I think this has a bit of potential.
Keep writing!