Dual Identity - Chapter 6

This chapter is a bit longer than the others, but at the end I think you'll find it totally worth it, so stick with me!!!

Chapter 6 – Sunday September 6th 9:07 A.M.

“Amy?” The soft touch to the girl’s shoulder barely served as a persuasive rouse from her heavy slumber. “Amy, honey, it’s time to wake up.”

Amy stirred, mumbling incoherent sentences to herself into her pillow before she could get out, “It’s Sunday, Lara. Go away.”

“Yes it’s Sunday, and you’re going to church with me.” Across the room blinds snapped up. No matter whether you were blind as all three mice put together or had 20/20 vision, Lara believed that sunshine was essential in for waking up on the right side of the bed. But right now, with Amy’s bed pushed up against the wall, there was only one way off of it.

“Church?” Amy stuffed her face further into the pillow, trying her best to ignore both the warmth of the sunlight and Lara’s coaxing voice.

“That’s right, sweetheart.” There were a few moments of silence. “Are you coming around anytime soon or do I need to use a more direct approach?”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Amy mumbled.

A prompt slap on her behind sent Amy scrambling upright. “Good grief, woman!” she gasped. “Don’t do that kind of thing to me!”

“Get a move on, then.” Lara said, sounding all too sweet and innocent. “Church starts at ten-thirty and it’s half past nine already.”

“But I can’t go to church!” Amy wailed.

“You not only can, but you will.” Lara grabbed her hands and helped to pull her up. By the feel of her sweater and the minty waft of her breath, Lara was already dressed and ready to go.

“Come on, I got you this adorable new outfit just for this occasion.”

“I’m not a six year old.” Amy grumbled. “I don’t need a bribe.”

“I’ll go ahead and pull it out for you.” The closet door slid open with a squeak and a moment later Lara had the outfit strewn over the unmade bed for Amy to inspect.

Despite her grudge and growing panic at Lara’s announcement, Amy had to admit that the outfit felt beautiful. It was a long-sleeved, oversized sweater made out of some soft fibrous fabric and a knee-length patterned skirt.

“Well, am I in the clear now for springing this on you?” Lara asked. Amy could almost see her standing with her hands on her hips.

“You’re not offering a pacifier to a little baby, Lara.” Amy replied. “I’m sixteen years old - and while it works for now, you still owe me. Big time.”

“Oh, pacifier indeed.” Lara gave an amused laugh. “Why don’t you try it on? I’ll be in the hall.”

Lara exited, her footsteps soft against the carpeted floor. Amy stood for a moment after she left, not sure what to do.

She could try on the outfit, but that would be letting Lara have a direct win. She couldn’t go to church. She wouldn’t. Amelia Anderson might have just have sat back and be led like a sheep to the slaughter, but Amy Landers wouldn’t.

Wincing at the Bible phrase that seemed to have wormed it’s way in, Amy wondered if that was considered blasphemous. No matter. It wasn’t like there was a God anyway, much less one that cared about anything she did.

Where had she been in her mental rant? Oh, yeah.

Amy Landers didn’t do what she didn’t want to do.

It was as simple as that.

The doctors would have called it Middle Child Syndrome. The middle child vying for the parents’ attention midst the other siblings’ needs. Amy’s mother would have called it defiant. Her father would have called it disrespect. And ever since second grade when she had leveled Mitt Stravinsky for cheating at four-square, Bentley had called it competitive.

CeCe didn’t call her anything but Amy.

Anyway, the fact was that Amy didn’t do what she didn’t want to do.

But what she did want to do was try on that outfit.

Temptation, temptation. She mused.

No, she had to be strong. But trying on the sweater might not be so bad. After all –

A cold nose suddenly shoved up against her hand as Jasper wagged good morning, his tail thumping up against her leg.

“I know, boy.” Amy crooned, crouching down to pet him. “Yes, somebody’s hungry.”

A sloppy kiss landed on her face and Amy giggled, pulling away as Jasper plopped down on her feet and rolled over.

“Yes, I know, you don’t want to go either.” Amy’s hand froze, tangled in the soft golden fur of her guide dog and she heard, as Gru from Despicable Me would say ‘Light-buuuulb’

“That’s just it, Jasper!” Amy’s smile came back full force as she reveled in her brilliance. “You can’t go! The church wouldn’t let a dog in!”

Her dog squirmed underneath her motionless hand, in a huff that she had stopped rubbing his belly. As he scrambled to his feet, Amy grabbed his face and mashed it against her own, throwing both the herself and the dog off balance. The fell against the side of the bed.

“I’m so happy I could kiss you!”

“Amy?”

At Lara’s voice from outside the door, Amy froze. She took a deep breath.

“Yes?”

“Have you got it on yet?”

It? Oh, the outfit. Well, it certainly was OK to try it on now that she had an insurance policy waiting in the wings.

“Not quite yet, be ready in a second!” she called, already struggling into the sweater.

She barely had it all on when the door swung open and Lara burst through.

“I couldn’t wait any longer, I just had to see you in it.” Lara took Amy by the shoulders and the girl could feel her gaze as it ran the length of her outfit.

Scan complete.

“It looks positively fantastic!” Lara said, clapping her hands together like an exupberant little kid.

Message comprehended.

“Think so?” For now she would just try and play it Lara’s way.

“Of course! I now the skirt isn’t quite your preference, but if you wear your knee high boots with it no one will notice.” Amy heard Lara moving things around on her dresser and she bit her lip. She hated it when people moved things around from the way she remembered putting them down.

“It could be longer.” She said, just for spite.

“Oh, quite preening already.” Amy could hear the eye roll. “Here, let me help with your hair. How about half-back?”

Amy snatched the brush from Lara with a snarl. “Save me some dignity at least.”

“OK, fine.” Lara laughed. “When you’re done I’ll be in the kitchen. Oh, and don’t forget to brush your teeth.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Amy drew the brush though her long, wavy tresses. In spring, Lara had offered to get her a summer haircut but Amy refused. Half-way through the hottest part of summer she wished she had gotten it cut but somehow she couldn’t part with the one thing that linked her to her mother.

She had eventually gotten used to the heat. One did when wearing long sleeves practically year-round.

Grabbing Jasper’s harness Amy told him to heel and he led her into the kitchen. She pretended to adjust his harness and then faked surprise – and dismay.

“Lara, Jasper can’t go.” She said.

Lara seemed puzzled. “Of course he can go.” She said. “He’s a guide dog, and guide dogs are protected under law to go anywhere with their owner. But, just to be sure I called the church and they assured me that he is welcome.”

Amy glowered in no particular direction.

Lara laughed. “I knew you would try that, but you aren’t getting out of this, Amy. Come on, it’s time to go.”

Amy gave a rather unladylike snort. “Like I would go without him anyway.”

“You might be surprised.” Lara said as they made their way to the car. “I always could make you.”

Amy gave a short laugh but silence initially reigned as Lara started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

They travelled several blocks before Lara slowed the car and pulled into a space somewhere downtown. Amy could hear the Sunday morning traffic at the four-way stop.

“Where are we?”

“Convenience store.” Lara answered, her seat-belt snapping back into its holder and Amy heard the door locks click. “Since you didn’t have time for breakfast between all of your conspiracy theories I have decided to be nice and get you one of those breakfast sandwiches you like.”

“Aw, thanks Lara.” Amy’s voice was overly sweet and nice.

“You should.” Lara said. “Substitute meat fillings. Fake cheese and saturated fat.” She shuddered, then handed Amy the car key and remote. “Here, take this and don’t unlock it for anyone.”

“You’re pretty trusting that I’ll let you back in.” Amy said with a smirk.

“Maybe.” Lara opened her door. “But then if you don’t let me in, you don’t get your breakfast sandwich.”

The door banged shut and Amy wondered what time it was. She hated to be late even if she didn’t want to go because the only thing worse than being dragged in there was getting there late. The back pews would all be filled, so you would have to walk up the front while everyone stared at you.

So what is it? Everyone thinks that because she can’t see that it’s okay to stare? Amy knew that she shouldn’t get mad at someone for being curious and since most acted like they would contract her “disease” if they talked to her, they used their best asset for snooping. Their eyes.

So what if they didn’t have something that she didn’t anymore? Was that a cause to get all upset?

Definitely. Amy decided.

Being blind was hard enough to get used to without all these nosy Oklahomans sticking their noses into everything. Or maybe she should say bugging their eyeballs into everyone else’s business. Granted, she had lived in Tennessee and even Seattle, Washington for a short time, but these Oklahomans were something else.

How she yearned for Alabama where even when the gossipy old women talked behind you back, they at least did it behind your back.

Lara’s car door opened and the leather seat gave a smooshing sound as she sat down. The smell of a well-greased and fattening luxury wafted in after her.

“Here you go.” A round paper-wrapped ball of sorts was tossed into Amy’s lap.

“It’s the sausage with cheese?” Amy asked as she unwrapped it, her fingers slipping on the oily paper.

Lara put the car into gear and her seat squished again as she no doubt was looking to pull out from the convenience store. “Sure is. But eat up. We only have a little over five minutes.”

As they pulled into the parking lot and seemed to promptly find a spot, Amy wondered if they either had next to no one that parked out here or if Lara had used the handicapped parking sticker. She guessed the latter and groaned to herself. She had a guide dog for a reason, as she had told her step-mother before and would rather walk a while to save the spot for someone who was actually handicapped.

The theory was confirmed as it didn’t take long for her dog to lead her to the front door where someone opened the door and greeted her, shoving a bulletin in her hand.

Really, people?

The inside of the church smelled old, like a wet dog and Amy wasn’t sure if there were just a lot of people inside a small foyer or what, but the room reeked of old lady perfume and fabric softener.

Lara led both Amy and Jasper to a pew and judging by the distance walked, it was somewhere near the back.

They had barely sat down when the organ began to reel out the phrase to a hymn and the floodgates opened. A whirling and twirling of people rushing to find their seats.

As everyone stood for the first song the piano joined the organ’s refrain. Someone in front of her was singing baritone and a woman from across the room was warbling out something that sounded similar to the tune, but in a high-pitched screech.

Amy didn’t even try to pretend that she knew the words, but instead stood, wishing she could put her hands over her ears. It kind of reminded her of when she was first getting used to being blind. Every sound coming sharp and unexpected in a dark world that pressed down so hard it stifled your very being.

After a Bible reading and a few more songs, the pastor stood.

He began the sermon very calmly, even though Amy didn’t move one muscle to relax. She should have fought Lara harder. Demanded to stay home.

“Many people like to say that they God doesn’t like them anymore. God doesn’t have time for the anymore. He doesn’t care.” The pastor was saying. “That if he was really a loving God he wouldn’t let them go through such suffering. It is then that we begin to question God.

“Have you ever noticed one of the most used words by just about anyone is “why”? In fact, we seem to get questions like these all the time as you families with younger children would know.

“Why is the sky blue? Why do I need to eat my vegetables? Why can’t I go? Why does everyone else get to do it but I can’t? And finally, the big kicker that gets used at least once by all of us in our lifetime – God, why me?”

The preacher paused and Amy sat back against the pew, tilting her face up. I have no idea, honey. She thought to herself. But let me know when you figure it out.

“The word “why” was ranked 239th as one of the most used words in the English language. At first, this may seem quite far down the list before you start to consider words like “the” and “of” and “that.’”

“Job was the poster child for a God-fearing man. In Chapter 1:1-3 we see him described as a man that was “blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil” and because of this he was greatly blessed as it says in verse three. “His possessions also were 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, 500 female donkeys, and very many servants; and that man was the greatest of all the men of the east.'"

Amy pushed back the desire to yawn. So the man was rich. He was probably doing dealings with the devil and just thought it was God. After all, religion had never done much for her family.

“Job was so holy and so dedicated to the Lord that he offered up burned sacrifices weekly to cover the sins of his children. But now we see that the scene in this account is now changing, and we move from an earthly viewpoint to one in the heavens.” The pastor paused for a moment. “It is important to realize here that neither Job, nor his friends would ever know about this, just as sometimes we don’t know what God has in store for us and how it may impact our lives later.

“Satan is there in God’s holy court, just like Judas with the apostles. And just like with Judas, God can see right through him.

“In verse 9, after God has explained to Satan that there is no one like Job on the face of the earth, he replies, “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan is now accusing Job of just being in it for the blessings as he says “Have You not made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But put forth Your hand now and touch all that he has; he will surely curse You to Your face. Then the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power, only do not put forth your hand against him.” So Satan departed from the presence of the Lord.’”

'So now Satan has control over us all.' Amy paraphrased disgustedly. What a nutcase.

“Satan was asserting that true believers are only faithful as long as they prosper. He claimed that if you take away their prosperity that they will reject God. In doing this Satan was trying to prove that salvation is not permanent and that saving faith can be broken and those who were God’s could therefore become his. Satan also repeated this with Jesus in Matthew 4 and again throughout the New Testament with both Peter and Paul.

“So Satan now has the power to destroy Job’s life as long as he doesn’t touch Job himself. What will he do with this power? We see this starting in verse 13 and 14 where Satan doesn’t hesitate a moment to send robbers to steal Job’s oxen and donkeys and slay the servants looking after them. Only one man escaped to tell of it.”

Oh, the irony. Amy thought.

“Directly as this servant was speaking, another comes rushing up behind him and says that a “fire from heaven” – most likely a lightning bolt – had destroyed all of Job’s sheep and killed the servants, the man standing before him the sole survivor.”

Amy didn’t like the way this was going. The story sounded vaguely familiar, but then the story was too crazy to remember. Except for the ending.

“And yet again, as he is talking another servant comes running and says that a “great wind” - one that we would know of now days as a tornado – had struck the house and it had killed everyone inside. Everyone being all of Job’s children.

“Through all of this, Job receives the messages calmly before grieving, tearing his clothes and shaving his head. But then in verse 20 we read “and worshipped” This was definitely not the reaction Satan was going for as Job says, “Naked I came from mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Now that phrase was one that Amy had heard too often. Like the time one of the agents attended her family’s funeral, a wire concealed in his jacket, while Amy lay in a hospital bed listening to it live. The only difference between her and Job was that his children had probably died swiftly.

And that he hadn't been forced to watch them die slow, torturous deaths at the hands of a madman.

“Once again, God holds a holy court and He asks Satan again where he came from. When Satan answers that he was scouring the face of the earth for a righteous man God asks once again if he had considered His servant Job. Who as God now described “he still holds fast his integrity, although you incited Me against him to ruin him without cause.’”

Pastor Wensum is flipping through some sort of papers, maybe his notes or even his Bible.

“Satan asks for God’s permission to “touch his bone and his flesh” for surely Job would curse God if he thought that the Lord had struck him with sickness. God gave his permission but in chapter 2 verse 6 told Satan that he had the power but only if he spared Job’s life.

“So Job is now covered with sore boils from “the sole of his foot to the crown of his head" and it is now his wife who adds temptation to affliction as she tells him to “curse God and die” ultimately meaning that if he cursed God, then God would in turn smite him for blasphemy. She thought that death under those circumstances was better than living in his condition.

“It is now that Job speaks in one of my most favorite verses in the Bible. He says in verse 10 “Shall we not indeed accept good from God and not accept adversary?”

“The physical pain Job was in rendered his friends speechless for a week, yet “Job did not sin with his lips.” Think of how hard this can be for a Christian living in the world today. In John 15:18-21 Jesus is speaking to the disciples, saying "If the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you" and goes on to say that because we follow Jesus we will face adversary from all sides in the form of hate and persecution." 

Amy folded her arms across her chest protectively, almost wondering if Lara had told the pastor that she was coming today. Sweetheart, you ain't seen adversary until you walk in my shoes. And I thought He said adversary, not a long painful death.

“After this passage, we see that Job lifts up his voice and curses the day of his birth. Notice he doesn’t curse the Lord, but his birth. He wished that he had not been born because it seemed that all of his joy could never be worth all of that pain.

“Sometimes we feel like that. We feel that nobody understands what we are going through and that we would rather have not been born that to have to suffer the reproach of our friends or even our family. But God will always see us through, and in the end, God is our foundation. His approval is the only one that matters.”

Pastor Wensum paused a moment. “At the close of this book, we see that Job was blessed more than he had ever had before because he had trusted God to see him through.”

Okay, that was it. Amy didn’t know how much more of this she could take of this loud mouthed Bible-thumper. If he didn’t end soon –

“Maybe you’re struggling with something in your life right now that makes you feel like nobody  cares. Maybe you’re asking God why and He doesn’t seem to have an answer for you.”

Well, he sure hasn’t answered me about why I am sitting here. Amy groused to herself.

“But see it through, search your Bible daily for God’s instructions and pray to understand His word. Don’t just trust me that if you follow God’s path that He has wonderful things in store for you. Trust God, as He said it all Himself in Matthew 6: 25-34.”

Pastor Wensum finished up and the organ began to play softly as he finished in a word of prayer. Everyone was invited to stand, but Amy pushed out of the sanctuary doors, someone obviously holding them open for her and made it to the bathrooms just before the final song feeling.

That man doesn’t know me and God never took the time to know me or my family. Holy-roller has a lot of room to talk. I’ll bet he lives in some posh home bought and paid for by all of these "sheep" that he's leading astray. Amy knew as soon as she broke free of those doors, that she was never coming back.

~

Sunday September 6th 12:03 P.M.

The Shadow crouched in the shadows of the bathroom. Amy was retching up her breakfast and he longed to reach out to pull her hair back out of her face. To stroke her head and comfort her from all her troubles. He blamed it on the step-mother. When it came to caring for a sensitive girl like Amy, he found the woman an inferior handler.

But she was all the leverage that he had to work with. For now.

Lara was proving to be more of a roadblock as she didn't seem to realize that she was one of his chosen. Just like Amy had been.

Whether she knew it or not, it made no difference. He would have to claim her as one of his own, let us say, very publicly, if she kept this rebellion up for too long. For Amy was growing too close to Lara. And he needed all of her attention on him. It was a desire that couldn’t be ignored. And it was to be expected from one of his girls.

Their five year anniversary was coming up so soon. He knew it needed to be marked with something special so that she would remember him. All of him and what he meant to her.

But what should he mark it with? It was too soon for Lara, he needed her for now until he was sure he could have Amy all to himself. The dog would certainly cripple her, but he didn't need the grief that would ensue to distract her from the reason for her being. To serve him.

The Shadow watched as Amy rinsed her mouth and he curled his fingers against his side, yearning to run his fingers over those beautiful scars. Scars that branded her as his.

No, he decided, as the girl swept past him, inches from his hiding place in the curtained maintenance closet. Amy deserved better than either of those. She deserved some of his best work yet.

It’s all about you Amy, it always has been. I'm doing it all for you.