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139,491 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
This wasn't a long poem, but masterfully done. The words you used to describe then new world were perfect for catching the feeling you wanted. I see you made lines 2 and 4 to rhyme, yet no one of the other lines in the rest of the poem seem to rhyme. I'm not sure if you didn't want anymore to rhyme, or if you just didn't have the right words for the ending of each lines.
I would suggest going back and trying to find words that rhyme better. Besides that fact I believe it was one of the best poems I've ever read.
Keep it up!
Really nice! I enjoy poems about true things that really happened, and this one was great. They rhyming scheme was very clever, and It really creates a portrait of this point in time. Your imagerywas great, and I especially like the line about the wrath of the seas. Nice job.
This poem, while short, is extremely good. No, it is better than good, it is brilliant. Although the timing was not like other poems I have read, it still flowed in a way that made me hungry for more. The vocabulary was well chosen and crafted, and it made this poem reach a very high level of maturity. I have read "Other Men", but personally, this one was way better.
Keep writing,
Gothgirl
Hey! So I want to start off my review by saying you're a great writer. I love short poems because they say so little but have so much meaning. Your rhymes flowed, although sometimes rhymes seem so forced, however in your case you did a pretty good job making it flow. I think there could have been more emotion in the poem. I believe the first half of your poem was really strong with the strong imagery.
Oh hey, you, are talented!
Hey Rage! (Great name!)
This poem is great. You know I love the short poems. They are so difficult to decipher. I love that a lot. Also what makes this poem even better is that non of the rhymes are forced rhymes! They all actually make sense when used together. Rhyming can be an element of surprize when you want to use it, but I think you got passed that and already had your rhymes in your head, and how you would use it. Keep up the great work!
~Dark
Hey I'm here, what are your other two wishes?
First off I find that rhyming is a very distracting literary element. It makes the sound of the poem a little too Suess and that is a little hard on the old brain. Plus it's kind of a waste of good thought trying to rhyme.
Anywho, I think you could do better on this poem. The idea of a historical poem is awesome but I think you spent a little too much time trying to make the rhythm sound good that you forget to make the message as good. Like "ruffles beards tortured." What does that mean?
Always focus on the point and feeling of the poem. Literary elements are over-rated, when you find the right words use them, don't try to make them "Good poem phrases".
Hey, thanks for the comment. Much appreciated. The line you referred to--> "ruffled beards tortured" is not meant to be read in isolation. It's all run on-lines. Read it again, with the lines flowing into each other to form whole sentences, and see if the rhythm still doesn't work. Once again, thanks for a great review.
Heya! I'm Sandvich, and I'm here to review.
Fantastic use of imagery there.I've always been fascinated by history, and I've always found colonialism and exploration especially fascinating. So, naturally, your poem enticed and interested me. This is a subject matter which doesn't seem to be explored in poems a lot, so kudos for picking such an interesting topic.
The poem itself is short and snappy. The first half of the poem does a fantastic job of creating an image of the horizon and the sailor's perception of it in the reader's head. I especially love the lines
The slightly irregular A/B/A/C rhyming scheme took me a while to get the hang of, but once I did, it really added to the rhythm of the poem. One thing I will say, though, is that some of the B/C lines, such as felt a little off to me. That's just me though, and I know literally nothing about poetry.
You seem to be a very talented poet and I look forward to reading more of your stuff. I'm just coming out of my school-induced shell of poetry hatred, and this fantastic piece has really sped up my process.
Keep writing!
Sandvich
I'll keep working on it. Glad to help you out of the "school-induced shell of poetry hatred." You must have had awful teachers, lol.
Overall this poem is good. I feel like you could push it more though. The feelings of relief and subsequent let down could be so strongly expressed. Great job, keep writing