Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,491 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
Reading this poem, I had two main thoughts. The first being "Oh my God, Loki! I LOVE the Avengers!" And the second being "yeah, this poem pretty much sums it up." Dang, you totally nailed how I feel about guys. Well done. I couldn't have said it better in a million years.
crumb's crumb... lololololol!
Very nice, Rage. I love the progression from beginning to end, you have control over your lines, which is good to see. It never felt like you were dragging it along, or pulling at random thoughts, and the tone throughout remained pretty light-hearted. I did laugh a bunch!
Now, I would suggest when you have enjambed lines:
to not capitalize the start of every line. This is more of a preference/suggestion, but if you're going for enjambment, then capitalizing the start of every line makes it jarring to read.
Hope this helps.
~ as always, Audy
Okay so you captured what most guys are like, this l completely tells you how they are. The only thing I think you could fix would be your lines on the first stanza they're all messed up because I notice in each line at least one word rhymes but they're in the wrong place like in the third line the some on the end of that makes it seem a little less poetic, in style that is. plus some of the rhymes seem a bit off like I see how the first and third line rhyme and could see you doing a poem where one line rhymes with the third line below it, you know thee pattern that goes:
A
B
A
That's what I thought you were going for in this then the rhyme scheme just went all funky in the first stanza though not the second one that one you did really good, I especially loved the twist at the end of this-"No! Wait, remember how they lie!" I can tell that by adding that, that the narrator was thinking about the guy she was talking about and how he made her feel before but she was strict and reminded herself to stay strong and not go back down that road, just wonderful. Keep up the good work!
-Demora
Lol I loved it. It was so catchy and showed how boys can be sometimes. True there annoying but we still love them lol. Great job. I could read this again and again and again.
This is a very good poem, I like how you used a lot of vocabulary. the rhythm has good timing, and sounds really slick on the tongue. Your description is good, and this is hard to do in poems, because you do not have the length you have in novels.
Overall i really liked it, Gothgirl.
What's up, Rage? I LOVE this poem. Seriously. I'm a fantasy buff, so anything about barbarians or Norse mythology just gets me. WIth that said, I really like your rhyme-scheme. This is something I myself have trouble with. I like rhyme schemes, but mine always end up clichéd or just plain bad. I think your rhyme-scheme really allows the story to flow easily.
The only place it kind of drops the ball is the line: "Like legendary giants, pretty dumb". However, the next line does kind of redeem it, so I can live with it. I do love the last line, though. It just wraps everything up so perfectly, yet it leaves you wanting more. Great job! Can't wait to read more of your stuff.