This was my first attempt at a descriptive essay... I usually always stick to stories but I decided to give it a shot and I actually achieved a good mark on it :D
They are there but cannot be seen, like ancient guards, they hide the unholy city that never seems to sleep.These mountains along with the dry dusty desert are obscured by the impressionable lights that emanate from every corner of the city. Sin city, the place which seems to call upon every soul that visits her under the veil of darkness and the neon lights.
The massive multi coloured lights radiate sizzling heat along the walls of the huge buildings, and into the historic pavement where it reaches the hundreds of people that crowd it every night. Therefore one doesn’t simply walk through the streets, one strides across it with the feeling of empowerment and significance that fuels their body. Blinking adverts, strategically placed to catch one's eyes, scream silently at passerby's to attract them inside their luxurious establishments. High standard restaurants are crowded with rich people and their expensive perfume which tries to out compete the mouth watering smell of delicious food.
Classical masterpieces gently guide the masses along the streets until they finally reach the source of the wonderful music and witness one of the most marvelous water fountain shows in the world. The silky dancing water lights up the sky and drips down delicately onto the overseeing crowd offering some relief from the sweaty heat. While contrasting to the loud senseless music that beats in the hearts of the people dancing in the all too compact clubs. However, the city does not simply attract and cater for the adults. The shimmering lights of the Ferris wheel attracts the young children and their parents, bringing squeals of delight.
One cannot say that there is silence in this city as at any time during the night one can hear an occasional slur of words being shouted by a drunken gambler being dragged out and thrown out onto the pavement. Sometimes one can also hear the unfortunate gambler begging and swearing that his winnings where just luck, while once again being denied of the crisp green dollar bills. In addition to this one will always hear the smooth purr of expensive cars and motorcycles driving down the famous roads.
Under a veil of darkness the city pulses with life and thrives on the misgivings of gamblers and the filthy rich that hide among the well dressed tourists. Under the bright lights all is forgiven and forgotten but under the shadows hides a world that is not keen on being seen. This all occurs in the city of Las Vegas.
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Bonjour, je suis le chat noir!~
Not that I've much to say, for you've done your work quite well 
Hello, I'm BlackCatXx and I'm here to drop you a review!!
In English class, I've had to write heaps and heaps of essays and articles and all the other synonyms for paragraphs of writing. I also got an A+ from English last year, so I daresay you should hear me out
You've used imagery and personification, two very important tools in descriptive writing, skilfully. These are the things I value most in my stories and in my essays, so it pleased me quite a lot.
However, there was one thing that caught my eye. Some of your sentences are not quite complete.
See this one
"...High standard restaurants are crowded with rich people and their expensive perfume which tries to out compete the mouth watering smell of delicious food..." (sentence ends there)
You see? Their expensive smell which ..blablabla... does what? I say you should proofread your sentences more often. When one is absorbed in reading good literature, sometimes they miss these errors. But when a mean, critical reader like me sees them, s(he)'ll absolutely pounce on it, so be careful! Long sentences with a lot of conjunctions are especially tricky.
You've also forgotten a few commas here and there, but I won't dwell on it, it can be fixed with a bit of proofreading.
Las Vegas, is indeed a beautiful place. Terrible, yes, but beautiful. It could have been explained in more detail, but eh. Maybe next time.
Overall, good job! I liked your work very much. Just proofread a bit more and you'll do swell.
If you've got any questions, by all means, PM me at my YWS inbox
Keep smiling, and keep writing,
Izzah (BlackCatXx)
Hello. AnarchyWolf here for a short review
I don't usually read 'descriptive essays', so I'll give reviewing this one my best shot. I don't know how well it'll go, though... But hey, I'll try.
Firstly, what went well and what I liked. You write descriptively very well. In this essay, the reader gets such a good feel for the city that they can practically feel the breeze and smell the fumes, that they could reach out and be consumed by the ebb and flow of such a city. The onomatopoeia of 'gently guide' in the first line of paragraph three is a particularly nice touch.
The city is portrayed to be almost alive. 'Pulses with life' and 'thrives', as well as you referring to it as a she ['visits her']. It adds to the city's character. Whether or not this is the aim in a descriptive essay, I don't know, but you've created a setting that doesn't need any characters to be interesting. In addition, the city being known as 'her' kind of makes me think of people who call their planes, cars, and boats 'she' out of affection and respect.
Secondly, what could be improved - it may just be me and my opinion, but I feel that your writing may be overly formal. This could be because you're writing an essay, but nonetheless, I feel like you could contract some of the words to make the flow smoother. However, if it was your aim to come across formally, or the teacher's expectations, then don't change it. Keep it.
Now, for something small to end on:
"...multi coloured lights..."
Should be
"...multi-coloured lights..."
And
"...out compete..."
Should be
"...outcompete..."
I enjoyed reading something so different. I can't tell whether it was because it was a 'descriptive essay', or just a piece of writing that had a city as a kind of protagonist. Sorry it was such a short review.
-AnarchyWolf
Thanks so much for the review!!
You're welcome.