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The Piper

by TheCrimsonLady

Ay, let the Piper pipe our souls away,
Into a nether world that none can see
And turn our hearts to stone, so cold and grey.

Behind him march the sprites that never stray
So to our silent hearts he holds the key-
Ay, let the Piper pipe our souls away.

His pipe he plays until we all give way
To march, to dance, to smile with twisted glee,
And turn our hearts to stone, so cold and grey.

Yet in this all we dance his strained ballet,
So caught, so bound, and so disturbingly free.
Ay, let the Piper pipe our souls away.

Enchanted songs that never we can sway.
He pipes into our ears his stern decree,
And turns our hearts to stone, so cold and grey.

The young and old alike he’ll lead astray.
No matter how we beg to leave them be.
Ay, let the Piper pipe our souls away,
And turn our hearts to stone, so cold and grey.

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46 Reviews

Points: 359
Reviews: 46

Wed May 18, 2016 5:27 pm
Djinn wrote a review...

Hi Queen of Hearts! So I'm a little rusty on reviewing so forgive me for any repetition or convoluted ideas that don't make sense.

First, I'd like to say I appreciate people starting to actually bring up the Pied Piper again. It's one of my favorite children's tales as it's dark and yet so shrouded in the passing of time that it could have been based on true events. I started a story several years ago using the Pied Piper name and since then I've seen numerous accounts and references. I'm always incredibly interested and direly supportive of any mentions.

With that in mind I don't feel like you go that in-depth in the subject. There's so much material and interpretations on the subject that you could have taken it a thousand different ways. I was so excited to hear a poem about the pied piper and honestly I was slightly disappointed. One thing poetry is especially good at is imagery. Short stories are great for getting a taste of a different idea and stories are wonderful at full immersion into a different world but one thing that poetry can do far better than anything else in the entire world is to let you taste and feel and experience anything and everything so completely that you finish sometimes not even knowing what you even read but that you come away with a feeling so unique that it inspires others. This fell flat, almost like an over used dystopian plot-line in YA fiction (at least to me - poetry is very individual as well so one thing someone thinks might not be indicative of the majority, myself included) but I feel it has the potential to be so much more.

I know you probably hate me by now but I encourage you to step away from it for a week or two and come back with fresh eyes. Don't listen to me - in fact I encourage you to disagree with my ignorant viewpoint and shrug me off as not understanding. I do know that you'll only get better from here and every time someone criticizes you it will shape your art (whether it's poetry or other forms of writing) so make sure you can control who affects you because it's your style and you're the one that has control over it.

I don't want to leave this on such a sour note so I'll leave it off with a compliment! I love your interpretation on the soul being the thing that is being led away. I realize you're probably alluding to a specific person when writing about this piper taking peoples souls and turning their hearts to stone but it feels more like people are crushing on some guy rather than breaking their hearts. If you take it in that direction I'd love to actually feel my heart be ripped out of my chest and my soul being sucked from me. Name it the piper and don't make any references in the body of it to the piper but leave us gasping and having the realization that the piper is stealing our souls. Oh gosh...more recommendations. I'm sorry, I just keep going. I love the soul imaginary, let's leave it at that.

Thank you for sharing your poetry with us, you beautiful Queen of Hearts <3 It was really well written~

Thanks so much for the review! No, I don't hate you :P, but I would like to point something out- the 'Piper' I wrote about isn't... exactly the Pied Piper. I mean, yes, it borrows from the story, but when I wrote this I meant for it more to be about goodbyes and death and morbidy things. But still, I know it needs fixing. Thanks again!

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24 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 24

Wed May 18, 2016 4:12 pm
gammagamerale wrote a review...

we all have heard a poem maybe once in our life about the this is not new but i like what you did with it. it is good and has what we expect from a poem about the piper.i dont know what brings us to thinking about the piper so much in our history but if u think about it we create a lot of sayings and stuff like that around the piper. it is good in all thou so thumbs up for you.

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120 Reviews

Points: 4842
Reviews: 120

Tue May 17, 2016 9:16 am
RippleGylf wrote a review...

This is a very, very well-written poem. I don't think there is much that I can point out as being wrong. The only possible thing I could think of is the second repeated line.

And turn our hearts to stone, so cold and grey.

The additional syllables along with the pause seems slightly awkward, although I do really like the imagery. I am unfamiliar with this format of poem, so those syllables could vital to the layout of the poem, it just seems odd without knowing. Overall, nicely done. :) Keep writing!

Thanks for the review.

"People should not be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people."
— V for Vendetta