still love this!
z
Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
speeding down a dark road with no headlights,
the adrenaline feels nice but
eyes are dry in the quick-cooling night:
it’s hard to see our way ahead.
I tilt my head back to feel
the wind whipping my throat raw,
pouring in through the cracked window,
pushing past my cracked lips into my lungs;
my nose begins to run.
I’m used to my hand on a gearshift,
5 speeds and reverse, but you drive an automatic
so when you ask, “Is this ok?”
the only answers are “gas” or “brake”.
“pull over,” I want to tell you. “hold me,
but not too close.”
cough drops held between our lips, medicine melting
on our tongues and dripping down into our lungs:
we would kiss.
but my voice is gone,
so I nod my head in the darkness,
feeling the warmth of your hand as you press mine
into the steering wheel,
neither of us knowing the curve of our road.
Always adore your poetry Que <3
So this poem to me felt very intimate - with the bodily descriptions of what appears to be a close partner encounter. I think it is really tastefully done where the reader could maybe read into this as a intimate moment between partners, but doesn't necessarily need to read that into it either. And then the extra layer of the sickness imagery and the driving imagery put on top of it makes this very layered and unique. I'm glad you keep all three of those motifs going throughout the poem because it gives it a great sense of cohesiveness but also a sense of mystery because those three themes of intimacy, driving/road-trip, and sickness don't usually go hand-in-hand.
My interpretation would be that the speaker is conflicted with where they want the relationship to go - expressed most painfully by this couplet:
“pull over,” I want to tell you. “hold me,
but not too close.”
speeding down a dark road with no headlights,
the adrenaline feels nice but
eyes are dry in the quick-cooling night:
cough drops held between our lips, medicine melting
on our tongues and dripping down into our lungs:
we would kiss.
but my voice is gone,
so I nod my head in the darkness,
Hi Que! I'm dropping by with a comment for you for the Comment Weekend Bonanza!
I love, love, love poems that are built around a very specific image or scene, but that evoke universal feelings or moods in the reader - and this poem does that exceedingly well. The contrast between the specificity of the imagery and the vastness of the feeling that comes along with it is *chef's kiss*. Like for me, this poem feels overwhelmingly like that feeling I get when I'm simultaneously excited for the future and so nostalgic for the past that it makes me nauseous.
I thought the use of dialogue was a lovely touch!
so when you ask, “Is this ok?”
the only answers are “gas” or “brake”.
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
I enjoyed this poem! You convey the environment super nicely throughout with stunning imagery and pair it with super simple stanzas every so often that are just so impactful. To me, this poem seems to be about... not necessarily being content with being helpless, but being okay with it for a little bit because of the companionship that can be found there. The poem's message also feels like it touches on holding back and trying to forget, just because of the whole "driving at night" aspect. I also enjoyed your "heart-road" metaphor for both perhaps true feelings and the future—it was a neat way of looking at it.
I love how seamlessly you blended your references to being on the road to feelings to being sick. It was so great how those seemingly unrelated things combined in this poem to create this very unique narrative that also spoke to larger truths. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure the title registered in my brain, so as I was reading, I was a little confused but still got what you were getting at, and then I saw the title, and everything clicked. I love how the title works with the work itself and sums it up in a fun little phrase with some great assonance. Speaking of which, your usage of sound devices was great in this poem—for one that mentions not having a voice, I think your alliteration and enjambment were really nicely executed.
Your alternating stanza lengths were also quite compelling; I'm not sure if you planned it out that way or if it just happened to end up like that, but it gave the poem nice variety and really made it just... interesting to read, if that makes sense. The variations worked really nicely with what you were trying to say, and the shorter stanzas somehow both stood out and amplified the longer ones, too.
Specifics
pouring in through the cracked window,
pushing past my cracked lips into my lungs;
cough drops held between our lips, medicine melting
on our tongues and dripping down into our lungs:
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Reviews: 1227
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