The Dream

Heya, Pusheen and Ryu(been awhile!) Casanova here to review!

Anyway- first thing that I noticed about this poem was that it seemed sort of lyrical, but that may just be. And I can really appreciate the usage of lyricism in anything. It makes it flow in my head and dance and oooh. Anyway, enough dreaming xD.

The fist thing that I noticed was this line-

I sit and I wait for my greatest mate to come follow me follow me to the ocean below me.

Now, for lyrics the second,"follow me," would be perfect. But in this poem it seems to break up the flow. Maybe you could try it without the second one, or try something different.
The second thing in that line I noticed would be at the end. After you say,"follow me," twice, you say,"to the ocean below me." The,"me," at the end killed that for me, considering how many times it's over used. I would suggest removing that me as well, and leaving it as,"to the ocean below."
Over all I feel you could reconstruct this line. Deleting the second I, the second follow me, and the ending me. The awkward rhyme also makes me thinks lyrical, but I think it's fine where it is.

The next thing that I noticed was this line-

I sit and wait until I am finally up again now being chased by my own acquaintance.

Reading this in my head, and out loud, several times made it clear something was off. It took me a moment, but I realized it's the,"now."It breaks apart the flow, in lyrics and poem style. At least I think so. I would suggest removing it.

I realize that this poem doesn't really have any external rhymes, but it's full of internal rhymes. In almost every line, and I appreciate the scheme. It's a fun thing to read! Makes it flow a tad bit better, in my opinion.

Anyway, I hope that this helped at least a little.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron.

hey Pusheen and Kai! ts just me DD droping by for a quick review!

okay so I'll start with what I like and then I'll tell you about what you could work on. Okay?okay. (yes I just threw in a TFIOS reference lol)

anyway so here we go

-I like the theme of this poem. Dreams and Dreaming and anyhing related to this concept is sort of my thing. I'm obsessed.

-I like how you use ocean here.

okay so the things you could probably work on.

-Use puncuations. It makes the poem flow better. Also divide lines. It makes the poem look better and reading it aloud better. Here is what I actually mean.

Spoiler

Here I am waiting for my accompany,
waiting by the ocean shore.
I sit and I wait for my greatest mate
to come follow me, follow me to the ocean below [me].
As I wait I see a straight that he is finally coming,
coming to greet me.
We walk along the ocean shore,
running and walking
on the soft ocean beach [below]
We walk here and we walk there
but were ever we walk,
I could never be aware of what was coming next.
I sit and wait until I am finally up again,
now being chased by my own acquaintance.
As I flee I could finally see that it was only a dream.

also could u please eliminate the last me from the secomd line. It kind of destroys the flow.


well thats all i got!
keep up the good work!
~DD