Author's Note: I just want to say, I loved writing the bartender. He plays no major role, but he his personality and interactions with the other characters was just fun to write.
“Ah, a visitor!” the barkeep said with delight upon seeing Shadrach. His wings perked a little with his speech. “Haven’t seen your face before. Come, sit down! Can I get you anything?”
“I’ll have a drink,” Shadrach replied, sitting down on a stool and letting his pack fall to the floor next to him.
“What kind of drink? We have several excellent selections of Draken wine from Lagon. And of course the usual local brews. I get all my ale from Ifar’s brewery, just up the road. It’s a little bitter, but the man knows how to add his spice.”
“I’ll just have some water, please.”
“Ah, well, it all comes from a local spring up the road.” The Drake fetched a glass and scooped water out of a wooden trough. He set the glass on the counter. It looked clean enough. “Drink up. I try to keep it cool. Coolest spot in the tavern, right there.”
“Thank you,” Shadrach said. He quickly downed the water without a moment’s hesitation. It was surprisingly cool compared to the liquid from his waterskin.
“So where you from, traveler?” the barkeep asked, polishing a metal cup.
“Dunsinain.”
The Drake shrugged. “Sorry, never heard of it.”
“Well, it’s small…and on the other side of the Terminus,” Shadrach said.
“Well you’ve certainly come a long way! Hungry from your travel?”
Shadrach nodded.
“Ah! Splendid! I’ll get you something.” The bartender vanished through a nearby door before Shadrach could even ask what food he had.
Ten minutes later, the Drake reemerged from the back room carrying a plate full of food. He set the dish before Shadrach. On it was a serving of salted pork alongside a baked potato and some green vegetables of unknown origin. Shadrach smiled and quickly began eating.
“All from the local farms. The potatoes came from young Aeris’ farm. Fine young woman. Human though…” he continued rambling as Shadrach ate. The warm food felt great in his stomach.
Rain began to patter against the ceiling, but both Shadrach and the innkeep ignored it. After a minute or so, Shadrach suddenly got up from his meal.
“What’s wrong?” the Drake asked, breaking his string of local gossip.
“I - I don’t think I have anything to pay you with,” Shadrach said remorsefully, patting his empty pockets in hope to find some silver.
The Drake shook his head with a polite smile on his face. “Consider it on the house. Not often we get people from west of the Terminus. However, if you want a room, you’ll have to do the dishes.”
Shadrach agreed. He was about to continue eating when the door opened. A person clad in a blue cloak walked in. They pulled away their hood, revealing the face of an attractive, young woman. She had long brown hair, wet from the rain. She carried a pack full of travelling gear, and her boots were stained with mud from months’ worth of travel. Her waistcloth had an ornate design featuring the stylized skull of a dragon woven into it. Five gold-yellow triangles were patterned just beneath the skull, making a “U” around the snout.
She walked in, pulling her hair back and tying it up into a tail behind her head. The water that drenched her skin and cloak melted off her, as if by will. She was a water maniplar.
The innkeeper lit up upon seeing her. “Ah, my favorite customer! How long has it been?”
“About four months, Gnaeus,” she said, smiling. “Feels like a lot longer. Tavern looks just like it always has, though.”
“Want some ale?” the Drake asked.
The girl nodded and walked forward. Gnaeus set a flagon full of ale in front on the counter. She sat down a few stools from Shadrach, dropped her pack, and sipped her drink. “How’s the search for a good wife, going?”
“About as well as it always has,” Gnaeus said, taking Shadrach’s empty plate from him. “I haven’t seen a Drake in this little town in ages.”
The girl shook her head. “You’ll meet someone, I’m sure.”
Shadrach was perplexed by this girl. Four months since she and the innkeeper had seen each other and they talked like no time had passed at all. She must have passed through the town quite often, barring her most recent leave of absence.
Shadrach’s tired eyes couldn’t help but admire her sleek form. Even in the travel cloak, he could still make out the outline of her figure. She was well-built, with a sleek body veiled by her stained clothes. Her face had slender features, and her eyes were the color of sand under a clear river. Her form was - how long had he been away from other humans, again? Shadrach regained his composure. Lust was unbecoming of a guard, no matter the status of that which he was guarding.
The girl continued talking with the barkeep, sipping her drink. “So who’s tall dark and quiet over there?” she asked suddenly, startling Shadrach.
“Well, uh…” the young guard stammered.
“He’s from over the Terminus,” Gnaeus said for him. “Some little town I’ve never heard of.”
“What’s his name?”
“I…I never asked.”
“Gnaeus, that’s not like you. Hey, what’s your name?” she asked, sliding over two seats towards Shadrach.
“Shadrach,” he answered. “Shadrach Tasir of Dunsinain.”
“Terya,” she replied, reaching out her hand. Shadrach shook it. Her skin was warm, yet tough from years of travel. Yet, she couldn’t have been a year older than him. “Last name doesn’t matter. I use it so little I barely remember it.” Her smile seemed to darken, but Shadrach could not tell why.
“Where are you from, then?” Shadrach asked.
Terya shrugged. “Everywhere. I’m a drifter.”
A drifter…. Drifters were elusive folk. Shadrach had met a few back home. They were often mistrusted, as they lacked a job and a permanent home. One could never tell if a drifter was there to help, rob, or simply pass through a town.
“I haven’t been over the Terminus in a long time,” she stated. “From Dunsinain, you said?”
Shadrach nodded.
“Never been there, myself. Heard of it. Down south, in the flats near the moors.”
“Yes. How’d you know?”
“I keep informed. Reading maps and the like, you know. A drifter needs to know where she’s going, after all.” She sighed. “Gnaeus, another round for me and my friend, please.”
Friend. Shadrach was taken aback by the statement.
The bartender smiled and nodded, retrieving the drinks.
“My favorite reason to come here,” Terya said. “Best ale east of the mountains.”
Shadrach took a sip and winced. It was a disgustingly bitter drink, but there was a certain spice to it that made him take another taste. And another. And another.
“So what brings a westerner like you this close to the coast?” Terya asked.
The ice maniplar frowned and began reciting the trip, focusing primarily on the skirmish in the mountain pass. Terya listened intently, sipping from her cup and nodding in accord. When he finished, she simply said, “So what do you plan to do from here?”
Shadrach shrugged. He was only focused on making his way back to Dunsinain. He didn’t know how though. “I hadn’t thought about it. Make my way home, I guess.”
“And how do you plan to do that?” She downed what was left of her drink.
Shadrach got down to half a glass. “I haven’t thought of that,” he lamented. Beyond that, he couldn’t think of anything to say. Pagiel, Rebekah, everyone back home, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever see them again. “I don’t even know the way…”
Terya looked to the floor. “You have a long way to go, I know that.” She looked around the room. After a moment, she said, “Tell you what. I think I know a route to Dunsinain. It’s long and will take us across the northern Terminus, but we can be there in about three months. Three and a half, at the most.”
“You mean that?” Shadrach asked, surprised. Strangers in his hometown were usually kind, but this was extremely generous.
Terya nodded. “I’ll pay for your meal and your room. We can set off early tomorrow. From there we’ll head north and -“
The door to the tavern opened again. In stepped a rather unexpected figure. Standing about two-thirds the height of the door was a Dwarf - a mountain-dweller. Dwarves were short, muscular humanoids that rarely did business outside of their mountain fortresses save in large caravans. Seeing one alone was akin to seeing a lizard in a snowstorm. The one standing in the doorway wore a heavy leather and fur coat and carried a massive pack on his back. On his head was a hat pooling with water from the rain outside.
“And there’s the troublemaker,” Gnaeus hissed under his breath.
The dwarf took off his wide-brimmed hat and shook the rainwater off of it, grumbling as he walked to the counter. He sat down and shouted, “Bartenda, a drink, please!” in a thick, Dwarven accent.
Terya and Shadrach watched the dwarf momentarily before continuing their plans.
“Gnaeus, do you have a map?” Terya asked.
The Drake nodded and pulled a worn map from under the counter. The map was fairly well-detailed, despite its age. Dunsinain, however, was not marked.
“All right, tomorrow we’ll set off north towards Ebon, here.” She pointed to a pass about thirty miles north of Rennevig. “We can get the majority of the supplies we’ll need to cross the Terminus there. It’s a big town, especially when compared to Rennevig. From we set out into the Terminus. We’ll stick to the north, near the mountains that border it. We’ll avoid the hotter dunes to the south and continue west. When we hit the Western Goldspires, we turn south. With luck we can go through some local markets here, here, and here. We can then cross the mountains in Sable Pass, moving a bit more west and avoiding most of the jungle and marshes to the north. Then, we head south to Dunsinain.”
Shadrach had lost himself in her grey-blue eyes halfway through her description. When he realized she had been talking, he bit his lip and said, “Sounds like a good plan, I guess. We leave tomorrow, then?”
“Yes. As early as possible, preferably.”
Shadrach nodded and rose to his feet. Terya did the same and pulled ten silver coins from a pouch and placed them on the counter.
“You don’t have to do this,” Shadrach said, feeling almost like he was taking advantage of her company. “I can go myself.”
Terya laughed. “Really, it’s not a problem for me at all. I’ve made the journey several times. And besides,” she said, poking Shadrach’s abdomen and causing him to recoil, “no offense, but I don’t think you could make it on your own. Plus, I’ve been hanging around in the east far too long. Time to go west, I think.”
“You two,” the Dwarf suddenly asked, downing the rest of his ale. “You said you were going west?”
Terya was about to deny it, but Shadrach responded with a quick “Yes.”
The girl frowned. Plainsmen were too honest, she thought.
There was a short pause. “Have room for an extra hand?”
The water maniplar crossed her arms. “Depends. Got any skills that’d be useful?”
“I can cook,” the Dwarf replied. “Un’ I’m good with a knife, too. ‘Specially throwin’.”
Terya looked at Shadrach, who simply shrugged. “You can cook?” she asked.
The dwarf nodded. “That’s how I got here in the first place. Evidently my caravan found somebody to fill the spot in the meantime.”
“What do you want to go west for?” she asked.
“Same reason the kid does, if I ‘eard right. I want to go home. I got left behind in Lagon by my shafted caravan. I live in the Silverspire, largest mount’n in the Western Goldspires. Can be accessed from the Terminus if you’re mad enough to pass through it.”
Terya shrugged. “Then you can come. Just don’t be a burden. We leave tomorrow at dawn,” she said.
The Dwarf waved her off. “I’ll be fine.”
The girl glared at Shadrach, shook her head, and walked away. She paid for two rooms, argued with Gnaeus for not letting her pay full price (something about how he needed the money), and then headed upstairs.
“So what’s your name?” Shadrach asked.
“Grastunvar Solyad-Zandrena,” the Dwarf spat. “But you can call me ‘Crafter,’ for short. Less syllables in there, fits my occupation back home.” He sipped his drink.
“Good to meet you,” Shadrach replied. “I’m Shadrach Tasir, of Dunsinain.”
“Humans and your funny names,” Crafter hissed. “I’ll see ya in the mornin’.”
Shadrach nodded. “We’ll be up early. I guess I’ll see you then.
Crafter made a sound between a gargle and a dismissive “bah” and continued with his drink.
Shadrach grabbed his pack, walked upstairs and found a small room with a window. The ceiling was low, and he could hear rain rattling against the shingles above. The room was laid out in Spartan fashion, with a small candle lamp on a stand lighting it. A bed was pushed against the far wall. The young maniplar dropped his pack next to the bed and fell down on the fabric mattress. It had been months since he had laid his head on anything softer than a sleeping roll. And after the long journey out of the pass, it was the most comfortable thing he had ever felt. He was asleep in seconds.Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello again Prehistoric, for the third time, Wolf here for a review. (Please excuse any grammatical/spelling errors, for I am on my phone.)
Not much to comment on, since most of my concerns/questions have been asked (and answered) by the previous reviewer. I really love the originality in this. You continue to blow me away on how wonderfully this is written.
Though, when Terya first comes in, and we learn that she is a drifter, the way she is described just makes her seem like a snarky, intimidating, and a loner type person. Even the ways she talks, up until when she speaks with Shadrach, makes her seem like the witty person, who has a sharp tongue and can easily retort to any comeback.
When she offered to take him to his home, I was completely shocked. It just seemed like I was being reintroduced to her, and when she was called 'the water manipulator' I was extremely confused. Moral of my spiel, is to maybe make her happy personality more obvious in the beginning.
Other than that, I thought everything else was great. I couldn't find any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes, which is always very good. I love how you always mention the character's doubs and emotions. For example: when he order the drink and a meal, I was thinking about how he would pay for it. You make their reactions/thoughts/interactions with each other seem very realistic, and I love that. Can't wait to see more, please keep me posted! Keep Writing,
~Wolfare
Hmm, I'm considering rewriting Terya's introduction, since there's a lot of backstory that causes her to behave the way she does, but I may not be portraying it properly.
Anyway, thanks for the other reviews! Always glad to have help!
Hello Again!
. I presume that you already elaborated on your races in Chapter 1.The story keeps getting more and more interesting. I have a few questions more:
1. What happened to the couple in the bar when he first stepped in? They just seemed to disappear.
2. Granted that Shadrach is an honest plainsman, but Terya seems rather sanguine about a random stranger joining her journey for a drifter. There was a reason they earned such a mistrustful reputation after all. (Not to mention that her generosity to this stranger seems quite unrealistic. What's in it for her?)
3. Why do we suddenly know she is a water maniplar? So, elementals do not have to be Drake? because Shadrach noted
Just my thoughts.
Thank you!
Thanks for reviewing the full chapter! I think I can answer your questions, but I can see why you asked them. I'll do some editing to make the answers apparent in the text.
I guess this sentence should be changed to "at will" in order to better imply her powers. Otherwise, it is pretty vague.1. I just figured that would add to the atmosphere. I guess I should obey Chekhov's law a little more.
2. Terya is an...interesting character. Her generosity is based on a lot of fear and pain that is shown in later chapters. She's an outwardly happy person, but her backstory (which shall be revealed later) really tore her apart, and she worries a lot about travelling alone. Ironic for her occupation but it will make a lot of sense in later context.
3.
As for maniplars' species, Drakes are inherently bound to elements. They can use powers from birth and can master them early in their lives (this becomes a big part of the plot later). Humans, on the other hand, have to take years of discipline and training to use elements. Dwarves can usually only wield one - stone - to a very limited extent. Dragons (as in full-blooded, city destroying Dragons) can wield one of two: fire or ice.
I think that should take care of most of your questions. Again, I'll do some editing to better help explain things in the text.
Thanks again for reviewing!