Why did Alice fall down the hole?
Chasing the rabbit she spun out of control
Eat me! Drink me! She tried them all
Alice dear, are you big or small?
Caught between the realms of asleep and awake
Hard to tell if it’s real…...a dream….a fake….
She ran through a forest where the flowers are like trees
bugs are giants and fairies lull her to sleep
The sun and moon are melded as one
Transforming the light to a purplish hue
Displaying an array of colorful neon
Clouded from the smoke of the hookah blue
‘Tis a beautiful sight but beware the queen
Alice, she’ll cut off your head as a prize to keep
Her strive for dominance has driven her insane
All creatures fear her and her bitter rage
Alice you must hide she is hunting you down
She fears you’ll usurp her plot for the crown
Run Alice run before the time runs out
The rabbit holds the watch and the key to get out
Dorothy had her shoes but you have your tear
Wish with it wisely or you’ll spend an eternity here
THERE’S NO ESCAPING WONDERLAND
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140,078 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your specific time zone. Anyway, onto the review. I must say, that was really good! I loved the rhyme scheme! The imagery and word choice was also superb. I have a few minor critiques to share with you, but it is your poem, so please feel free to disregard my remarks.
In this line, the consistent rhyme scheme changes for a few lines, then changes back. It draws away from the poem, and confuses the reader. Most of the poem is an ‘AA/BB’ rhyme scheme, but on this line it abruptly changes to an ‘AB/AB’ pattern. When I read it, I expected the second line to rhyme with the first, as it had been in the lines before.
Other then the rhyme scheme, there was this line. It seems a tad long compared to the other lines, but in reality, it’s a small issue that can be ignored.
I think this was my favorite line. It was a beautiful end to your poem! I also loved how you referenced other famous literature in your poem. All in all, yours was a beautiful poem, and I really enjoyed reading it! I hope to see more of your work around! Stay safe and keep writing!
-Lizzy
Thank you for your review!
I liked this poem,it was cool! I loved how you described Wonderland in a few short lines.I also liked that you mentioned Dorothy,she and Alice kind of have the same stories.I liked that you made the last lines in all cap,it gives more impact to the poem.I don’t think Alice is escaping Wonderland anytime soon.Good poem.I hope you have a nice day/night.
Thank you so much!
Hey there! I'm here to review your poem!
I noticed in these two lines that it would be a good idea to have some commas. In the first one, a comma after Alice could be added in. In the second one, commas after "Run", "Alice", and "run" would also be a good idea. You don't have to, but I recommend it.
There might also be other spots for this, but I didn't notice any others, so it's probably fine.
Here, I just thought that it would flow better if "a fake" was "or fake." That's just an idea, and you don't have to use it because it's not really that important, but you can if you want to.
Since the first letter of every other line is capitalized, I just thought I should point out that this one should also have the capitalization.
I really like how this draws attention because it's in all caps. Throwing in things to draw the reader's attention is always a good thing, in my opinion and many others, so good job on that!
Speaking of ways to draw the reader's attention...
I don't know why it was this line, but this one really just grabbed my attention and convinced me to read more. It's always good to have a captivating sentence, so awesome job on that!
This was good because it gives context for why the queen's hating on Alice and wants her dead, which is good for people who haven't actually read the book (me).
All in all, this was a really good poem! Great job on it!
Thanks for reading! Have a good day/night!
-Quinn
Thank you so much for your review!
Hello, I am leaving a review.
Firstly, I love Alice in Wonderland so this was a fun read. I liked the alliteration of "Wish with it wisely" at the end.
Secondly, The rhyme scheme is consistent at the beginning but falls apart around the time Alice is in wonderland.
"She ran through a forest where the flowers are like trees
bugs are giants and fairies lull her to sleep"
I'm wondering if this was an intentional break from rhyme to signify the strangeness of Wonderland?
The rhymes come back at the end of the poem but the poem doesn't end with Alice leaving Wonderland.
This was an interesting read. Thank you for sharing your art!
Best Wishes <3
Thank you!
Ironically I have only begun reading Alice in Wonderland this very day, And you have sold me on reading some more tomorrow.
This poem strikes me as a kind of TLDR or summary.
Reconstructing something into a new format, While maintaining a familiar feel.
I intend to revisit this after finishing said Libro because I am sure there are a number of references that have gone entirely over my head.
However one reference I just love is the comparison to The Wizard of Oz since I have always looked at that as an Americana equivalent to the Albion Wonderland.
Another thing that stands out is this line
"Hard to tell if it’s real…...a dream….a fake…."
Because this implies that "a dream" and "a fake" are two different things ; ) .
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it and I hope you enjoy the real thing too, Lewis Carroll is a literary genius!