The trees stand firm
Against the weathering of time
The wisdom of ages
Embedded in their roots
They have witnessed the span
of countless lives
Spun to rhythm and rhyme
The changing of seasons incurs its own sadness
Shedding their finery of foliage every year
For white garments that cling to their branches
Change is inevitable
A truth they learned at the Beginning
Green fades to gold fades to brown
Death interlaced with life
Nature's dance
Flowers bloom
From the corpses of fallen beasts
Nature's metamorphosis
With the rain therein springs life
The sky watches all
The sun and moon
Cosmic guardians overhead
Observing the proceeding of Time
Birds carry the stories the trees cannot tell
To the far reaches of the world
Where the sky meets the sea
Spinning yarns from their beaks
From the trees who speak only to each other
In whispers on the wind
They are the silent observers of this world
And they know better than most
That nothing stays the same
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I love this a lot, it touched a theme that I am personally very passionate about and write about myself. I had 2-3 favourite lines but overall it was very emotive and your metaphors worked seamlessly into the narrative which can be tricky or overdone when writing about nature.
I particular enjoyed the lines "from the corpses of fallen beats" ... "cosmic guardians overhead" (a great way of putting that) and "birds carry the stories the trees cannot tell" - I actually stopped reading for a moment on that line to ponder on what idea you had presented which is always a bonus in my book.
Overall, I loved how you wove in greater ideas such as outside the world and how these lessons of life aren't just found in our nature, but our cosmos too. I'm a big fan of that concept. Thank you for sharing this with us, it's nice to hear other people also view the world like me. Keep growing!
Hello Faery007.
I'm so glad you liked it and that you connected so much with it. Nature is such a fun topic to write about because there are so many different ways to depict or interpret the different aspects of it. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me too, your response was beautifully written.
Thank you,
Poetry_Misfit
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
This was a very lovely poem! I loved all your nature imagery throughout, and the depth which you described the longevity of trees was delightful. It felt very much like it was narrated by this omniscient narrator or even by the trees itself. It was a joy to read.
One thing I really loved was how you played with sounds throughout. The three words starting with "w" in close proximity at the beginning was really nice; I feel like we don't get very many "w" words, but it's such an interesting sound! The alliteration in "rhythm and rhyme," "finery of foliage," and "whispers on the wind" were also great examples of soundplay in your poem; I think these really added to the overall flow of the lines and the poem as a whole.
The one thing I would say was that it felt a little strange and clunky to have it split up in two large stanzas like that. I wondered if you had a specific reason for doing that. If not, I'd recommend doing more than two stanzas. I felt like there were some definite shifts throughout the poem that would be made even better and clearer if there was some white space in between. Here's how I would separate it:
Spoiler
I think that this would give your poem a better flow and also more finality at the end. When I read it the first time, I thought your last lines didn't have as much of an impact as I would have liked. I also thought the "they" in the third to last line was referring to the birds, so it didn't really feel like an ending to me; it felt like you still had more to say. After a few rereads, I realized the "they" was about the trees, but I do think it would be good to clarify that. When it is clarified, I think it feels much more like an ending.
Specifics
I really loved these lines together; I think they portrayed time passing in a very beautiful yet macabre way. The imagery of flowers blooming from corpses is absolutely exquisite. The one thing I would say is that I'm not a fan of how you've got "nature's dance" with an apostrophe and then "flowers bloom" without. I know it's grammatically correct, but in terms of visual appeal and overall sound, it seems like those lines should be echoes of each other, but they aren't.
Not sure if the double meaning was intentional, but I loved the usage of "yarn" here. It both conjures up birds telling the tales of trees while simultaneously building a nest out of scraps and twigs they've managed to find. Nice work!
Overall: great job!! I think you've crafted a very deep and gorgeous poem about nature and the passage of time. Your imagery and sounds were delightful to read. I hope to see more from you soon! Until next time!!
Hello Plume.
Thank you so much for your review, I'm glad you liked it. The poem was initially written in three stanzas but for some reason when I posted the poem, it only formatted as two. But I totally agree with you, breaking it up does improve the flow. The writing flow is an aspect I always keep an eye out for when I review too.
Very thoughtful and poetic! Yes,this is true.Change is inevitable,no one can avoid it.No matter how hard we try,we cannot escape change.It will follow us through the end of time,the ancient trees know best.This was lovely and relaxing to read.I have enjoyed this piece.I hope you have a lovely and amazing day and night.
Hello Vampricone6783.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the poem, I always enjoy reading your beautifully written reviews. I hope you have a lovely and more amazing day and night!
Aw,thanks.