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"Character"

by Plume


There was a certain grace to it, Kila realized. The gentle force of her hand on the page. The smooth sheaves of paper fluttering against each other, the ghosts of trees long gone. The snap of the tape as she pulled it taut and ripped it, the jagged edge leaving what her girlfriend Pippa called “character.”

She had always said Kila had “character” too. Rough around the edges. Gentle to the core.

Kila glanced over the newest page in her scrapbook. She’d gone with a beige theme, for some reason. She’d always hated the color. But she knew Pippa adored it, so she used it. She was used to using things because Pippa liked them; that was part of her “character,” and Kila knew it.

She took a bite of her brown bread, still warm from the toaster. It was a week old; she always scrapbooked on Saturday, and Sunday was bread-making day. Some crumbs fell on the scrapbook page, blending in with the color scheme, so much so that Kila had half a mind to just leave them there. She was about to brush them off, when…

“There you are.” Kila heard footsteps behind her, the soft treads that could only be Pippa’s. “I wondered where you’d gotten off to.”

Kila looked up, her hair falling over her face. Pippa knelt in a beam of sunlight, reaching out and tucking the wayward strands behind her ear. “Hey, boo.”

Kila exhaled and gave a small half smile. “Hey, Pip.”

Pippa grinned, much fuller and toothier than anything Kila could muster. “It’s a bit chilly in here, isn’t it?”

“I’m used to it.” Kila looked back down at her scrapbook.

“Still…” Pippa got up and walked over to her, and then Kila felt something draped over her from behind. Something soft and warm and bread-smelling.

Pippa plopped down beside her once more, newly cardigan-less. “Whatcha working on?” she asked, gesturing to the scrapbook.

Kila slid the scrapbook around so Pippa could see it better.

“Oh, Kila…” Pippa’s face melted. “That’s lovely.”

Within her scrapbook, Kila had chosen to make a timeline, commemorating each of the Sundays she had shared with Pippa. Most of them were of bread, but a rare few featured the two of them, flour and love on their faces. The most recent ones featured either Kila alone, or pieces of bread and loaves with giant chasms down the center.

Pippa’s excuses echoed in her ears. I’ll be a little late this time. I’m going to have to miss today. I’ll be there next week, I promise.

“Thanks.” Kila smiled. Then swallowed. Then sighed.

“I think we should break up.”


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5 Reviews


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Reviews: 5

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Mon Apr 12, 2021 11:24 am
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PaigeFantasy says...



hi, so...I liked this! it’s different from other stories I read on here. but about the ending...
I don’t think “I think we should break up.” is a very good ending, so sorry if this review is harsh but...maybe add a little more to the story? no rush or anything.
I hope you keep writing and have a good day. :)




Plume says...


Thank you for your comment!! It wasn't harsh at all, so no sweat!



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Sat Apr 03, 2021 4:54 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: OKayy...this did not go the way I hoped it would, but you've still done a great job writing this story in the direction that it did end up going. I think you've pulled off a pretty good job here overall. Lemme get into a few more details down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

There was a certain grace to it, Kila realized. The gentle force of her hand on the page. The smooth sheaves of paper fluttering against each other, the ghosts of trees long gone. The snap of the tape as she pulled it taut and ripped it, the jagged edge leaving what her girlfriend Pippa called “character.”


Hmm...well that's a fun way to open up a story. A bit of a reflection of things of sorts. That does have a certain ability to get your attention too I think so not a bad choice for an opening paragraph at least.

She had always said Kila had “character” too. Rough around the edges. Gentle to the core.

Kila glanced over the newest page in her scrapbook. She’d gone with a beige theme, for some reason. She’d always hated the color. But she knew Pippa adored it, so she used it. She was used to using things because Pippa liked them; that was part of her “character,” and Kila knew it.


Okay...well this seems like its going to be a story based mostly on these two and perhaps a bit of wholesomeness here...all of these seem like really nice wholesome thoughts for the moment. Have I somehow stumbled upon a rare wholesome story in YWS?

She took a bite of her brown bread, still warm from the toaster. It was a week old; she always scrapbooked on Saturday, and Sunday was bread-making day. Some crumbs fell on the scrapbook page, blending in with the color scheme, so much so that Kila had half a mind to just leave them there. She was about to brush them off, when…

“There you are.” Kila heard footsteps behind her, the soft treads that could only be Pippa’s. “I wondered where you’d gotten off to.”


That's a lovely little touch of backstory there, and the addition of that little bit of description doesn't hurt at all either, this is going really well at the moment.

Kila looked up, her hair falling over her face. Pippa knelt in a beam of sunlight, reaching out and tucking the wayward strands behind her ear. “Hey, boo.”

Kila exhaled and gave a small half smile. “Hey, Pip.”

Pippa grinned, much fuller and toothier than anything Kila could muster. “It’s a bit chilly in here, isn’t it?”


Oh I definitely sense wholesome moments in the air, I am loving this so far...

“I’m used to it.” Kila looked back down at her scrapbook.

“Still…” Pippa got up and walked over to her, and then Kila felt something draped over her from behind. Something soft and warm and bread-smelling.

Pippa plopped down beside her once more, newly cardigan-less. “Whatcha working on?” she asked, gesturing to the scrapbook.


Again I love the little touches of added description there, it really adds to the overall atmosphere of the story and makes it really easy to imagine as a real event that's happening.

Kila slid the scrapbook around so Pippa could see it better.

“Oh, Kila…” Pippa’s face melted. “That’s lovely.”

Within her scrapbook, Kila had chosen to make a timeline, commemorating each of the Sundays she had shared with Pippa. Most of them were of bread, but a rare few featured the two of them, flour and love on their faces. The most recent ones featured either Kila alone, or pieces of bread and loaves with giant chasms down the center.


I sense a twist in the sweetness there....the whole chasms imagery there does not bode well for the future of this...oh dear...

Pippa’s excuses echoed in her ears. I’ll be a little late this time. I’m going to have to miss today. I’ll be there next week, I promise.

“Thanks.” Kila smiled. Then swallowed. Then sighed.

“I think we should break up.”


Ahhh....YWS strikes again...there's never a fully wholesome story for me to reviews. Well you've definitely built up to this quite nicely. Even though this is short, we can really understand the the weight behind this decsion from how you've built this up.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think this makes for a really good story. You definitely capture the overall emotions of this moment, and you really introduce this whole backstory as best as can be through the limited words here. I'd just say, job well done.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Plume says...


thank you so much for your review! I'm sorry it didn't go the way you hoped. I hope one day you'll be successful in your quest for a wholesome story on YWS. Godspeed.



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Sat Apr 03, 2021 5:31 am
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IsProcrastinator wrote a review...



Hello, IsProcrastinator here for the review!

First of all, wow! I loved it. The way Kila is described, sitting alone, working on her scrapbook, making a timeline of her time spent with Pippa, choosing the color according to Pippa's liking makes me feel sad for her when we learn Pippa has been giving excuses and being absent in the weekends. I love how you showed Pippa wasn't spending much time with her through her absence in the recent pictures. Absolutely loved the descriptions.

One thing...

The snap of the tape as she pulled it taught and ripped it,


I think you meant "taut"? And...

She had always Kila had “character” too.


I didn't quite get what you meant here.

All in all, I really loved it. It was amazing how you make the reader root for Kila in such a short time, and genuinely feel bad when she chooses to break up.

Happy writing! :)




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review! Yeah, I did mean taut. Thanks for catching my mistake. And it's supposed to be "she had always said." I was tired when I wrote this, so sorry for those two little errors.



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Sat Apr 03, 2021 3:45 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Helllo!!!! Here for a review!!

The snap of the tape as she pulled it taught and ripped it, the jagged edge leaving what her girlfriend Pippa called “character.”

I couldn't get this line. It seems a bit vague to me.
She had always Kila had “character”

I really can't get its meaning. What u wanted to say? Something like she said...

The rest was awesome!!! I didn't get the last line... Why did Pippa tell that they should break up? I couldn't get any reason. Their relationship seems to be a good one. Then, what's wrong?? Whatever it is, it's a nice ending which lefts the reader thinking about the cause.

This was a very good story! I really liked all those descriptions and imaginations. Keep it up!!

~Forever




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review! The sentence is supposed to say "she said," and thanks for catching my mistake! As for the part about tape, I'm using a different definition for the word character, the one that means a quality or trait that makes something unique. I hope that clarifies things! Once again, thanks for your review!!




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