Young Writers Society

Hi Plume,

Mailice here with a short review!

It's been a while since I read the last part. But now I'm finally here!

That was a very interesting and unexpected ending for the story. Who would have thought that the prince would be so easy to find? What struck me right away was that the dialogues were once again in the foreground, which created a certain dynamic between the participants. I thought this was good because it gave the story a lot of liveliness, but I also found that in places the actual narrative suffered as a result.

Here, for example, was the only time I found some humour in the narrative:

Immediately, a sandy-haired boy, a girl built like a house, and a girl who looked like she’d disappear with the next strong wind exchanged looks of similar guilt.

Hello Plume.

The finale I've been looking forward to but took way too long to finally read and review. Let's do this!

** I am going to review a little differently than I normally do. I will annotate my thoughts as I go so you can track how a reader might react and digest the events occurring within the plot. With this being a mystery and the final section of your story, I thought this might be a fun way to do it.

"Immediately, a sandy-haired boy, a girl built like a house, and a girl who looked like she’d disappear with the next strong wind exchanged looks of similar guilt." (you employ a great use of imagery when describing these charatcers and I really like how you contrasted the descriptions of the two girls. The fact that they immediately exchange guilty looks means something is up and Alberta is about to find out what it is).

“Thank you,” Alberta said. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”When she’d gathered them all in the next room, she crossed her arms and stared them down, dropping the friendly facade from earlier. (There's the ALberta I know. She seemed way too sweet when she forst entered the servant's quarters. You didn't draw attention to that fact except through her dialogue which made her compsure and it's execution organic and flow really well. She would definitely be the bad cop in a "good cop, bad cop" scenario).

“What’s this all about, Lady Alberta?” For such a small girl, Victoria had a loud voice. She clutched Winnipeg’s hand nervously. (Again I really enjoy the contrast in your descriptions. From the way you described Victoria earlier I would expect her voice to be mousy and small like her appearance, but her loud voice calls attention to her. Then again, maybe her voice normally is mousy and it's the nerves that are causing her to act out of the norm).

“That can wait. You see, Prince Toronto is missing, and Miss Scotia—Nova, you know—has been accused of kidnapping him. She can’t confirm or deny that statement because she’s very inconveniently lost her memory of the morning. According to sources, we know you three had contact with the prince sometime today. So… fess up!” She turned to Nova. “That is what detectives say, yes?” (This paragraph of Alberta's dialogue with the servants makes Alberta to me seem like she read Sherlock Holmes or another detective story and is trying to indulge her fantasy of being her own detective).

Nova smiled through her nerves. “I believe so, milady.” (I didn't even realize Nova was still there until this point. I would recommend including a short description or sentence acknowledging Nova's presence when Alberta enters the servants quarters with her).

"The knob turned painstakingly slowly, the room silent as they waited to see who it was. The door finally opened, only to reveal—" (This is such a great buildup. I really felt the tension in this sentence waiting for the mystery behind the door to be revealed).

“Lady Alberta! Nova! What are you doing down here? I thought—” He turned to Victoria and Winnipeg. “Did you two sell me out?” ( It seems like this was all a cover up initiated by the prince. Maybe he was the one who was responsible for Nova's foggy memory. He clearly has something to hide. The intrigue continues!).

“There she is!” he exclaimed, large golden crown askew on his graying head. “And look! She’s been caught in the act of smuggling my son away from me!”
“Father, what on earth are you prattling on about?” Prince Toronto strode over to the king, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Nova didn’t kidnap me. I can’t see why you’d even think to accuse her of that.”
“I noticed you were gone, and people told me they’d last seen you with her. She also didn’t deny it, unlike everyone else I talked to,” the king explained. “I didn’t know what to think!”
“Well, you should’ve thought before making any hasty accusations,” the prince said.
(This just goes to show how impactful the king's judgement is. With the power like his, a simple misunderstanding could have someone imprisoned or executed at the most extreme. This was a very interesting element to include in the story because it sheds light on the power a ruler holds and when dealt unwisely can lead to mishap. I can see how that would be an immense pressure too because being the ruler you would have to be incredibly careful with every opinion you shared. Heavy is the head that wears the crown).

“I think you owe us an explanation,” Alberta interjected. “I know I’m wondering why I ran all about the castle searching for the culprit only to find you hadn’t been kidnapped after all.” (Poor Alberta, it seems she was hoping for a more climactic discovery but this story isn't over yet so there may still be a big reveal to satiate her detective urges).

The prince smiled grimly. “I go because I… well. I help out there. It’s not very princely of me, I know, but there are people starving there, Father! That’s where Victoria and Winnipeg come in. They make a bit of extra food for me to bring down every time I go. I also take a bit of Lord Ottawa’s potions and magical powders, as well, to help out with the hospital. It’s amazing what a bit of forget-me powder can do for PTSD,” he added. (How sweet, I love this! It definitely defied expectations because I really was led to believe along with Alberta that he was indeed kidnapped. I like how all of the people possibly involved in this mystery were explained in the unveiling just not in the way I originally thought).

“Before you solve any more cases, please acknowledge you need more than a trench coat and deerstalker to be a detective.”
Alberta let out a good-natured bark of laughter. “Never.” (I really like Alberta's personality. She is spunky, a little hot-headed, and eccentric. This was a very satisfying end to your 3-part story).

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. You have a very captivating writing style and do a great job building up tension and revealing just enough, like little fictional bread crumbs for the reader to follow to the end of your story. Also I totally called it with the forget-me dust. I had a feeling it was the prince all long behind Nova's foggy memory.

That's it for this one, until next time.

- Poetry Misfit

another amazing twist!! loved the story! Alberta and Nova truly are like Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. wonderful pairing.
it quite shocked me to read on that the prince was fine and well, and i find it beautiful that he was out there helping people who were starving.
i may have read this story rather fast (im a VERYYYYY fast reader just so you know) but i loved the ride!

Hey Plume!

Sorry for the late review!

This was an interesting conclusion to this three-part mystery. It did not go down quite as I expected, but I think it matches the light-hearted atmosphere you have created in the story. Like I said in a previous review, this story was never only about the mystery for me, but it was about the eventful journey the characters undertook to unwrap this mystery. I liked how despite reaching the end, the plot remained light. It did not take on any extra unnecessary complications, and remained the fun energetic story it had started as. This maintained the pace and the mood, and wrapped up the story into an overall enjoyable experience.

I liked how you decided to conclude the mystery. The fact that the culprit was the Prince all along was especially hilarious as I could imagine all of them huddled in the same room, throwing accusations at each other in confusion. Even the justification behind the Prince's actions was kind and innocent and not really worthy of seeing him as the culprit. The innocent nature of his crime maintained the lightness of the story and once again made it feel like a children's story that always have a roundabout way of teaching you a moral lesson wrapped in light humor and distractions. For example, Prince Toronto's crime reflected his good intentions and his kind heart, just the kind of lesson you would want to teach a child through a fun story.

However, if I have one complaint about this part then it would be the pacing. This story has had a fast pace from the very beginning and it worked because it complimented the vibe of the story very well. However, since this is the last part, a lot had to be wrapped up very quickly. And while trying to achieve that, I think you rushed the middle. I enjoyed the dialogues between the characters, but they took place without much space in between. As a result, it felt like the entire scene took place over a held breath. There was no pause that actually allowed us to take everything in. I think if you slow things down there a bit and focus a little on the confusion and reactions of the various characters, it wouldn't come off as so rushed and you will be better able to capture the hilarity of the moment.

Another thing I missed was the description. Usually, every time you introduce a new character who ends up as a suspect in the story, you establish their personality by describing the setting. I loved how you did that in the previous two parts with the mage and Sir Province and I was a little disappointed when we launched straight into the scene with this one. It made it feel like we were pressed for time, and had to skip over the little details that made the story truly fun and interesting.

Immediately, a sandy-haired boy, a girl built like a house, and a girl who looked like she’d disappear with the next strong wind exchanged looks of similar guilt.

“Before you solve any more cases, please acknowledge you need more than a trench coat and deerstalker to be a detective.”

I have no idea what this story is talking about. I want to earn more points and I have no idea but this story is about princesses who have Canadian names. And the have to solve an important mystery with a detective and the princesses themselves. But in a fancy party, finding a missing prince. I think this story is good in my opinion but also boring because it’s about following a mystery. Waiting for something to happen. I believe it’s booooooooooring. Sorry but I have to say it because I’m bad at reviewing stuff on literature and I just want more points.