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Young Writers Society



Lady Alberta and the Wedding Saboteur (Part 3)

by Plume


They found Lord Ottawa in the main hall in the center of a flurry of activity. He was pointing this way and that, directing various members of the castle staff to corners of the room, laden with flowers, garlands, and plush seats.

“Lord Ottawa!” Alberta called out. As they approached, they all sunk into bows.

“What is it?” he snapped, eyes raking over the group before landing on Halifax. “Ah! Halifax. Just the person I wanted to see. Take this and this and this to… over there, if you please.” He vaguely waved his hand over a few boxes and then a large area of the hall. Halifax glanced at Nova and Alberta.

“Ah, Lord Ottawa, if I may, we actually came here to tell you something,” Nova said. “Well, Halifax did. I can go take the boxes over there if you’d like.”

Lord Ottawa blinked. “Yes, that’d be alright, Miss Scotia.” Nova curtsied once more and left, taking the care to squeeze Halifax comfortingly on the arm.

“Well?” Ottawa asked, turning to Halifax. “Out with it!” He waited for only a few moments before talking again. “Oh! One more thing before you begin— have you seen Ontario anywhere? Because I simply can’t find him. And I must have him here to check the flower colors, as he’s an artist, you know.”

“Oh, of course,” Alberta said. “We’ll keep an eye out. But first Halifax wanted to tell you something.” She, too, gave Halifax a minute encouraging pat.

“It’s about…” they trailed off, voice fading to nearly nothing. Taking a deep breath, they tried again. “It’s about the rings.”

Lord Ottawa frowned. “What about them?”

“Well… you see, it honestly all started this morning. Or maybe before that. Truth be told, it started when you gave me the rings, which, honestly, maybe was not the best decision, but maybe you already knew that. Anyway! I— well, this morning, that is…”

While Halifax stumbled through their sentences, Alberta’s brain was working, turning the day’s events in her head over and over. Something Lord Ottawa had said had prompted a new hunch. Halifax knocking… missing rings… Sir Province in a hurry… no one suspicious… Her eyes widened as she realized.

“And, so you see, this has all been to say that I have lost—”

“Wait!” Lady Alberta pushed Halifax away, surreptitiously shushing them.

Lord Ottawa looked at them, perplexed. “I beg your pardons?”

So sorry to take up your time, Lord Ottawa,” Alberta said, falling into a deep bow. “We’ll leave you to it now.”

“What are you doing?” Halifax hissed in her ear.

“I’ve figured it out!” she whispered back. “Well, sort of! Just—come with me.”

They murmured final courtesies to Lord Ottawa as they backed away quickly, motioning for Nova to join them.

“What’s going on?” Nova asked as soon as she recoupled with the group.

“Alberta says she’s figured it out,” Halifax said as they speed-walked alongside Alberta and Nova.

“Have you really?” The surprise in Nova’s voice was genuine.

Alberta gave a self-satisfied grin. “I believe so.”

“Are you ever going to tell us where we’re going?” Halifax asked, breathless. Alberta had been leading the trio through what seemed like a labyrinth of corridors and staircases.

“You’ll find out soon enough!” Alberta replied. “Don’t worry, we’re almost there.”

“And how long is almost?” Nova inquired.

“Much shorter if I wasn’t being badgered,” Alberta said. “We just turn here, and…”

As they made the last turn, Nova and Halifax stopped, surprised. The three stood at the foot of a large spiral staircase that they all knew eventually led to…

“Sir Province’s chambers?” Halifax asked. “Why?”

Alberta began to climb, beckoning the other two to follow. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Halifax and Nova exchanged glances. “No,” they said in unison.

“Well,” Alberta started. “Just think. There’s been a common theme throughout the day, yes? And it started ever since this morning when we bumped into Sir Province. Everywhere we’ve gone, people have mentioned him. He’s been all over.”

“Of course,” Halifax said, face deadpan. “It’s his wedding day.”

“But the places he’s been spotted are quite odd for a wedding, are they not? Think about it. By the library, by my chambers— not to mention Lord Ottawa mentioning how he hadn’t seen him, even though he told us he was going to help with the flowers when we bumped into him.”

“But why would Sir Province take his own rings?” Nova asked, puzzled.

“Ah yes! Well, you see…” Alberta trailed off, squinting her eyes as if searching for a faraway thought, finger pert as if to pluck it from the air. “I’m… actually not sure. All I know is that whatever is going on here, he has the answers. Hence”—she gestured to the door—“why we are here.”

“And then what? We walk in, ask him what’s going on, and then everything is fixed?” Halifax raised an eyebrow.

Alberta frowned in confusion. “...Yes?”

Halifax sighed. “You really don’t have the credentials for this, do you?”

Alberta stared at them. “Do you not see my hat?”

“Pardon the intrusion, but the wedding’s drawing closer,” Nova said. “Should we not get on with investigating?”

“Nova’s right,” Alberta said. She turned to face the door. “Sir Province?” She poked it open with a single finger, the hinges groaning in protest. “Are you in there?”

After hearing no response, the group entered the studio. Dust hung in the late afternoon rays filtering through paint-splattered sheets hanging from the rafters. Half-finished portraits lined the stony walls. Alberta approached the center of the room, glancing at the painting in progress on the easel, then hesitatingly brushed a finger against the paint palette left on the stool. It came back dry.

“He’s not here,” Alberta said. “Oh.”

“He’s not in here, either,” Nova called from across the room. She stood at the doorway to his bedchamber, having just peered in.

“That poses a problem.” Alberta tapped a finger to her chin. “Still. He can’t have gotten too far… Halifax!”

The apprentice startled as Alberta brusquely barked their name, face paling behind their glasses. “...Yes?”

“You’re Lord Ottawa’s student. Surely you must have heard the mage mention where his fiancé likes to hide in times of stress.”

The worry lines in Halifax’s forehead deepened to canyons. “I’m afraid that subject doesn’t come up much, Lad—Detective.”

“And you, Nova? You’ve not stumbled upon him somewhere unusual on your cleaning rounds, have you?”

“I don’t think so.” The maid’s eyebrows puckered. “I’m sorry.”

Alberta’s mouth thinned, her confident demeanor diminishing. “Well…” The detective’s eyes glanced between Halifax and Nova rapidly, wide with pleading.

“Are you sure?” she eventually asked in a small voice.

Halifax sighed. “I told you before, it’s completely alright if you can’t solve it. I’ll just go back to Lord Ottawa and we can figure something out. I may lose my apprenticeship, but I figure it’s better than hiding and delaying the wedding with no explanation.”

Nova placed a hand on Halifax’s shoulder. “Detective Alberta, I think Halifax is right. It’s perfectly fine you weren’t able to find the rings. Now let’s all go to tell Lord Ottawa what’s going on.”

Alberta turned away from both of them, surreptitiously swiping at her prickling eyes.

“Fine. You two can go. If you must.” She cleared her throat around the massive lump beginning to form in her windpipe. “I’m going to look for more clues.”

As she listened to their footsteps retreat, Alberta raked her eyes around the room, but not to find another lead. Alberta was not in the mood for more investigating. All she wanted now was a nice wall to plop against and cry, and Sir Province’s swirling murals seemed like they would do just fine. She dragged her feet over to a section depicting logging workers hauling timber and leaned back, only to be met with something that clattered and buckled beneath her.

“What the—?” Alberta gathered herself, turning around to see what she had fallen against. When she realized what it was, her jaw dropped. She whipped around, tripping over her skirts as she called after Nova and Halifax, who had just exited the room.

“Wait! I’ve found something!”

“We already told you, Alberta,” Halifax said, “it’s okay—”

“No, honestly!” Alberta ducked in front of them and ushered them into the room once more. Taking hold of Halifax’s head, she wrenched it towards the wall. “Look!”


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245 Reviews


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Wed Jan 03, 2024 1:34 am
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Spearmint says...



Halifax sighed. “You really don’t have the credentials for this, do you?”

Alberta stared at them. “Do you not see my hat?”

“Pardon the intrusion, but the wedding’s drawing closer,” Nova said. “Should we not get on with investigating?”

bahaha I love this group's dynamic XDD




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Mon Jan 01, 2024 1:53 am
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Ventomology wrote a review...



Hiiii! This came up on my 'you should go review this' thingy on the homepage and I raced over as soon as I saw it. I'm so excited you've finally updated!

And it's another cliff-hanger. Naturally, lol. This might be one of the first elements I can't really guess at in this series--but I think that whatever is under the mural is a good thing to keep un-guess-able. This definitely falls in the 'execution' part of the greater mystery narrative, where it is actually good for the reader to be able to make a decent guess at the perp, but we stick around to see how Detective Alberta and her friends actually catch them. 10/10 good work on that.

(But also. Is it a tunnel? A secret workroom? Everyone loves tunnels.)

Moving on.

I really like the turn this took in regards to the actual mystery-solving! I think the actual wording for how Alberta figures out Sir Province can be adjusted somewhat... it reads a bit more like a TV detective montage than like an actual series of reasoned thought. But I also think this part specifically has to be tailored to exactly the reasoning level of your audience. Since you're writing this for fun, you probably don't have to put too much thought into it, but I'd generally say that you could draw some firmer lines for a middle-grade audience, and be looser for an older one. It's already pretty clear to me as an adult that Sir Province has the answers, eh?

But anyways, it's good to see Alberta taking some actual steps in pursuing "the perpetrator," with some actual evidence behind her, as opposed to the first mystery, where she mostly stumbled into it. (She is, of course, literally stumbling into some more answers here, but I think she's earned it.)

Last thing: I think that the mystery genre naturally lends itself to tying character actions to a description of their surroundings--and you've done a really good job of having Alberta and co. interact with specific elements of the setting in each room they've investigated. Now I would be interested in seeing you take this another step further, using the setting to establish more of the story's tone and vibe, and not just as a backdrop for clues. Is there an architectural style to the castle/palace? Major differences in the richness of a person's rooms based on their status? This is more important if you plan to aim for a higher reading level, but also if you ever decide to dip into mysteries that deal in status differences and more intricate character motives, it's worth it to begin thinking about stuff like this.

Overall though, great work! The story is as high-energy and exciting as always, and the flow of action is fantastic. Can't wait for the next part!

Happy new year,
-Vento




Plume says...


Thank you so much for the review, and I'm very glad you're enjoying it! Your commentary is so thorough and astute as always, and I appreciate how you've tailored your feedback to depend on the target age group; you're right in guessing that I'm mostly thinking of a late elementary school audience when writing!




seeing this tag and going "oh what's this? :)" then getting slapped in the face with shady's good grammar is the worst thing that's ever happened to me
— SilverNight