You are loved
(First verse)
When you look in the mirror,
All you see is doubt,
Your clothes thrown out,
You cant hear yourself.
(Second Verse)
Tears stream down your cheeks,
Your makeup drowned,
Your conscious is not found,
Just listen to yourself.
Because just one voice can compose,
But not one dream in you shows,
My dear,
(Chorus)
Darling, look at your eyes.
They shine bright like diamonds,
Darling, look at your lips,
Red as roses from the night before.
Your not insecure, just scared of the future,
You are loved.
(Third Verse)
When you look in the mirror,
All you see is shame.
You’re not the same,
You cant trust yourself.
(Fourth Verse)
Crazy world out there,
We all have mistakes,
But the ones we make,
Can be forgived.
Because just one voice can compose,
But not one dream in you shows,
My dear,
(Chorus)
Darling, look at your eyes.
They shine bright like diamonds,
Darling, look at your lips,
Red as roses from the night before.
Your not insecure, just scared of the future,
You are loved.
Darling, look at your hair,
Curled perfectly into beauty,
Darling, look at your skin,
Toned right into perfection.
Your not sad, just curled up in your thoughts,
You are loved.
(bridge)
Just one touch,
Honey, he thanks you.
Just one kiss,
Honey, he loves you.
But just one touch and kiss cant break your spell,
Darling, you’re loved.
(Chorus)
Darling, look at your eyes.
They shine bright like diamonds,
Darling, look at your lips,
Red as roses from the night before.
Your not insecure, just scared of the future,
You are loved.
Darling, look at your hair,
Curled perfectly into beauty,
Darling, look at your skin,
Toned right into perfection.
Your not sad, just curled up in your thoughts,
You are loved.
Just wait and you’ll see.
Hey PixieStix! I'm Arc, here to review!
I think you had a really nice theme running along here which made it really pleasant to read. I also like the rhythm which was used, because nothing felt out of place, and when read aloud, flows very well!
As for improvements, I have quite a few concerns with this piece. my first one is, you've used some very cliche lines here which are just too obvious. For example:
I'm sorry, but I hate this. It's way too overused and I think you could use a far more interesting/original metaphor here!
Similarly:
This one isn't as bad, but still, try and use something more interesting because it would really make the rest of the piece really interesting as well!
Secondly, the layout is quite obvious with verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus. I think that it's a good starting point for most songs, and works for a few as well, but I think with this one it could be changed slightly because it would just spruce it up a bit
Overall, I really did enjoy it. You have some really nice themes here. PM me with questions or if you want another review.
Keep Writing!
-Arc
I loved it! I sang it aloud as I read it! It flowed so smoothly, I could practically hear the instruments with it. I was thinking slow strings and piano (Cliche, I know, but I really don't care, sounded good in my messed up head). The only part that got me was the fourth verse. "We all have mistakes" I feel like should have a "made" between "have" and "mistakes." But then in the line after you use the word make... it is absolutely beautiful, but I personally was bugged by it for a fraction of a fraction of a millisecond.
This , was beautiful, all the way down to the first verse to the last word, it had great imagery and beautiful ending, Im excited to read more of your writing because this was very relateable to the teen age life feeling insecure . Because you can't be the girl next door, i thought this was excellent with the message.
Cant wait to read more