Hey Guys!
This is my first real attempt at poetry. So sorry if it's bad. I know it's full of cliche's, but this is a hard topic to write without a few cliche's.(That probably means it's overused, but oh well) This poem has a few biblical referances, so please don't read it if you might be offended.
For everything there is a season
For poppy's die, and poppy's bloom
Whether fate's a myth, or reason
For precious life there's alway's room
A life of love is a life fufilled
A life of hate is a life of treason
For some poppy's live, some are killed
For everthing there is a season
For everything there is a season
Our darkest hour brings our brightest
From dark brings light, a phase of the moon
Joy's not joy if sorrow's the slightest
Life's not meant to be alone
Giving up is not an option
live with a laugh and not a moan
For everything there is a season
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138,124 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Good job on your first poem! It has a great flow and imagery. I like that you used poppies instead of something more cliche. This is a somewhat old/used subject but you wrote it well enough that it didn't bother me reading about something I've already read about
.
I think the thing I would change is take out "for everything there is a season" in the two middle stanzas I think it seems just a bit too repetitive with it in every stanza. Again, great job! Keep up the fantastic writing!
You've got to be joking that this is your first real attempt at poetry, it's unreal! Unreal in an amazingly fantasical way that I can't really put into words!
Absolutely and utterly brilliant. When I read the title I really wasn't sure what this poem was going to be about, but now I've read it I'm so glad that I did decide to have a look! Keep writing, my dear, because if you keep writing like this then you could publish you own book of poems!
~Crimson
I'm not very poetic myself, but I really like it! Keep writing!
-Titan
I really like this! I can relate too, for I also beleve there is a reason for everything. And I also like the biblical-ness of the poem, for I am a devoted Christian myself. You really have some great talent here! Keep on writing!!
God bless,
-Ruth.
I agree with TheTruthLiesWithin.
Hi Saks!!!!!!! It's me pointe, here to do a review!!!
So its your first attemt at poetry... *strokes beard* I'll go hard on ya' then XD
Nitpicks:
1.
Spoiler
I think this would be better as: For a poppy to die, and a rose to bloom. It's easier to read, and the rose part at the end adds variety. (but that's just me)
2.
Spoiler
First: I fixed the puncuation. It needs to be done or not done, because in your first line, you had some, but not in this one. I think it needs puncuation. But thats just me.
Second: The bolded line seems strange to me. FOR some poppy's live, so are killed? All through out I am feeling that your forcing this, so it doesn't flow. Weirdly wording lines (contrary to popular belief) doesn't make good poetry, it makes a jerky poem. Let the poem flow out of you, and don't stop to make correction till your done. You've got a good poem here, especially since its your first try, so you CAN DO IT! I believe in you!
3.
Spoiler
This whole stanza is a mix-up. What are you trying to SAY? What is the message your conveying to the reader?
My favorite line in this whole thing is It is a beautiful line. THAT is what I'm talking about when I say let the poem flow out of you.
OVERALL:
I think this is a really nice, creative poem. Especially since this is your first try. I enjoyed it SO MUCH! Like I said before. Next time you write poetry, Just let it flow out of you.
Luvs
~pointe 56
oh my ford
you should be a poet
struck such a meaningful chord
i love it
I really did like this and found it quite a interesting piece, it was quite different.
Though I think it needs to flow more, had to have a more rhymatic feel as I felt it slightly cluttered.
However, the images are strongly shown and the use of repeation is perfectly used.
Its a great piece
I.....er......don't get it. =.=
Okay maybe......a little.....but it's so confuzzeling......maybe if i read it again.
*approximately twelve seconds later*
Nope still don't get it.
Maybe it's about.....live life to the fullest? For everything there is a reason and/or cause?
Maybe?
I don't know. Unless it's just supposed to let you make your own message out of it, that could work. But anyway, it's okay, but I'm not much of a poetry person, so sorry if my feedback isn't very useful.
YAY!!!! I'm so proud of you!
Very nice. Some lines are a bit confusing, but I suggest not changing them. They add a sense of mystery and sophistry to the poem, though that might not be what you're aiming at. I especially love this stanza:
One small thing: I think it might be best if you cut out some of the repeated "For everything there is a season"'s. They seem to get in the way of the general atmosphere of the poem. Repetition tends to go better with recurring rhymes. Perhaps you could replace these with some more insightful lines?
Hopefully I didn't critique too much. Good luck!
Overall, I thought this was very good. I love the imagery and all
Keep on writing!
-Truth-