The Daughter of the devil

Sisterly feud, huh? I may not know why you two are fighting, but calling your sister a daughter of the devil isn't too nice. That's like saying she is pure evil, but she isn't, no one is. As equally as every light has a bit of dark, every dark has a bit of light. I'm not saying she's perfect, no one's perfect. All I'm saying is aknowledge the light as much as you do the dark. That being said I've never seen pinkie pie so mad so I applaud you on that. Now back to your poem, it was good however you didn't have a set rhyme scheme. Its good if you did that purposely, unfortunately, it would still make more sense if it wasn't all over the place. Another thing I noticed is that the way you worded something's made no sense 'the frustration and the angry,' I know you ment anger, but its still frustrating to read it that way. There are a few others, but I won't get into that. I still get the message behind your poem though. It's betrayel of some sort, right? I think you can be an awesome poet of the line that says 'giving them my fire of madness.' Is any indication. Looking forward to more of your poems!!!! Keep calm and write on!!!! =^_^=

Pinkieishere1345, hello! I would follow you if you followed me...

In the first line, you shouldn't just leave it like that, put an "a" after "am".

"Many people think I am nice person at first..."

"Angry" should be "anger". Also, does the capitalization of every line mean something? If not, change the words after the commas.

"The frustration and the angry..."

And what you're writing is so wrong. Pinkiegirl13 will never hate me, much less become a daughter of the devil. This poem lies, I am sorry to say that, but it does.

-wisegirl22

Poetry is all about expressing your feelings, so I encourage you to write stuff like this. However, posting it on a public website to be forever released into "the cloud" is a different matter. Anyone can see it here, and that isn't being very nice to your sister.

:/

Hey, you shouldn't be so mean to your sister! Sisters are forever friends that you can always depend on (I'm obviously speaking with experience).

This piece has a lot of emotion and you really got the serious angry tone. As some other reviewers pointed out there are a few lines that were misworded. No misspellings just a few grammar issues. You did a good job developing some imagery at the end of the poem. Another suggestion is that you should capitalize "Devil" in the title.

Well good job, I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

~alliyah

I'll do nitpicks first.

'think I am nice person' - there should be an 'a' between 'am' and 'nice'.

'met them' should be 'meet them'

'hide it from them to see' - you don't need 'to see'.

'no more of a good girl' - you don't need the 'more of'.

'a evil spirit' - 'a' should be 'an'.


I understand this is about another YWS user and I am kind of nervous to see her reaction to you calling her the 'daughter of the devil'. I'll look at this as if the person is fictional however so I can suggest improvements properly.

You have told me that this person is evil but I have no proof. For all I know this is just you spreading vicious lies. To convince me, the reader, I would suggest adding a few incidents when the character exhibited her evil side to show me just how terrible she is.

Your tone is very good. I heard it like witch cackling like at the start of MacBeth so I imagine that was roughly the mood you were going for. I don't know much about poetry so I'll let somebody else handle the technical analysis. Oh, just maybe check for grammar errors and typos next time.

Well done!

Before I go any further, I have to tell you this. I know the daughter of the devil personally...
How beautiful does a poem get when its about the suppressed personality of someone? I must say, it's beauty level is not over 9000, but over 9000000000!
Coming from someone who also suppresses their true personality, this poem is amazing. Not many people can relate to it. So much of the world is high on the whole "Be yourself" craze, with some of those people who suck at it, and others who are so deceptive, (like me) that people actually believe them until they claw their way down their throat and suck on their beating heart until it's a wrinkled sack....
Weather this is a truthful poem or not, just know that you've done a good job. Also, if this isn't a truthful poem, you're getting closer to being deceptive.... Great work!

~The dark one.