Come on, my sister
Let's find our way to set you free
From the darkness and a cruelness
Which those bad memories made you become
Let yourself sing along as your spirit are inside
Waiting for you to feel the joy that trapped in the cage
~
Come on, my sister
Let's work this together
We will find our solution
Don't deny it, my sister
The problems that you have
Let's find the answers and solve it
~
Come on, my sister
Let's win this together
Maybe we will find the finish line
There is no game over, there is no turning back
Let's fight our way to the white lights
~
Here we are, my sister
The end is here
Hold on my hand so we will finish this together
Let's walk to the land of heavens
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello! Here's a short review...
I think it might sound better if the second line was...
It sounds better and rhymes with free.
I don't know what tune you've got with this song, but this verse flows well, no matter what tune I put with it.
Lovely song! I suggest you clarify if there's a chorus, bridge, etc...
This kind of makes me sad...
It makes me think of the future, when my sister will start to pick up on my depression...
Will she try to share my burden?
I can't comprehend why this made me think as much as it did... but none the less, it did. That deserves some points in my book. I don't understand why I'm picking up raw emotion from this, when it doesn't seem to be written with raw emotion.
Was it written with raw emotion? (Now I'm tired of the phrase "raw emotion".)
I enjoyed this. Great going! 8/10.
Good Luck To You!
Hello Pinkieshere1345,
I really like this song/poem. I try to imagine what tune it would go to, there are so many possibilities. This poem seeps like it means a lot, emotion shines through the whole thing.
I especially love this line:
"There is no game over, there is no turning back"
It's so true, in almost any situation. This work is truly, a work of art.
~Kelpies.
Pinkieishere1345, thanks for the review!
I understand this is a common mistake. But,
"Let yourself sing along as your spirit are inside..."
this does not make sense.
The ending was a bit weird, and the entire thing a bit short, but overall it was pretty good. Try writing a few parodies, and welcome to the site!
-wisegirl22
Thanks for a review!
And, it meant the narrator needed her to give out the joy and fun (aka her spirit) that was hidden in her. Also, the end is about they finally made it to the freedom from the evil. Hope this help you understand. 
Okay. Thx!