bare skin and clinging kisses – no, hush, that was later – first was meeting. Or rather, seeing. Well, my seeing of you, not reciprocal seeing. That was as it should be, for you were remarkable and I was decidedly un – I was remarkably unremarkable. You walked past me but I was stopped in my tracks. Openly staring; fixated with what I saw. I saw – the weight of you – and – the traces of, no, not traces. Fingertips tracing the lines of me; up and down my spine and over the stretchmarks on my stomach; feather-light touch until I shudder with it –
no, not yet not, yet. Where was I? On the pavement. Staring. Gaping, open mouthed, I saw – yes – I saw red. The masses of your hair, flowing, streaming behind you. Free, like you (I was not free: I hid), and in a world of faded pinks and wasted pastels you dared to burn with red. I loved you for it. I loved you at once and I think I – yes, I must have – caught your eye
and after that we thought only of time. I mean mostly haste, but also time. Haste with which we found a place, just a few paces away, to shut ourselves in – all cramped and close so that we felt every movement, every heartbeat – and time; time enough. I hung about your neck and pressed my lips to every inch of exposed skin – though not quite yet – first was the delicious struggle against the fastenings of borrowed clothes (we never wanted to wear them and so shedding them was natural). We wrestled with each other. Gently, carefully. We fought for power and you won, I let you. You whispered and nibbled at my ear, the vivid red of your hair tickling my face, my neck, and then all we were was
I really like the way the person is so uncertain of what they are saying, everytime they say no and then emphasise what they mean or when they say yes and then assertify what they mean. it all shows the flrruy of emotions from the scenes. It shows that they have become uncertain due to rush of emotions, a very good way to portray the feelings.
I also like the ending how you don't say the answer so that its like we can decide for ourselves. I like how you handed over the finishing tuch to us. Poets always put in a variety of ways to interpret their poems but you were not subtle about it, in fact you were very open. It is a refreshing change, a welcome one
Again i have to praise the fact that you didn't coat your writing in over the top descriptions and stuff. You were very simply stating what they saw through their eyes which kind of makes it realistic because its the way we register things when we admire them. We don't imagine metaphors and long words we simply note the beauty of things as they are.