I like carving my insides onto the world, I think
Deep into darkness, from white veins I drink
By curling too close the parts that burn red
They keep living the holes that grow in my head
Each hole is a system of planets and stars
Each orbit is a mirror of a thousand glass shards
And dark matter that flickers between you and me,
Is a glowing white web, far as you can see
No longer I wonder why morrow aft night
My face in my tea glows a little more bright
For when I drink from the stars, their milky white webs…
…Never fail to strain on their silky thin threads…
…Force my skin to recede and make space for more space
Space for more meaning, and emotion, and grace
So, year on year, beyond each layered word
I love twisting my flesh into something that’s heard.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hi, here to review this amazing poem! (a bit late, I might add, but it’s been on my list for a while)
Although the title seemed a bit silly to me, I still clicked on this poem. And, boy am I glad I did. You captured me from the very first line.
The rhyme scheme is one where I didn’t even realize it rhymed until I read it a few times, but it adds that much more character to the poem. The rhythm, also, really appeals to me.
On top of that, your usage of metaphor and imagery throughout gave even more magic to this poem. The imagery really stood out to me, you don’t use cliches at all here. The allusions to space are ones that I really enjoyed.
Here are some of my favorite quotes, and I could go on and on but I won’t for the sake of your time.
This line really stood out to me. It painted such a clear picture in my mind. And the space imagery throughout the poem is so cool.
This is such a powerful image.
Overall, this is such a good poem! The imagery was what stood out to me the most. Have a great day/night!
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
Thank you so much for sharing this poem! What drew me in initially was the creative title; I loved the sequence of words and the punctuation you used to connect them. I can see how it ties into the poem itself as well; to me, it seems to be a statement on creativity and the depth and arcane qualities art can have.
The part that stood out to me about this poem was your imagery throughout. The references to space and stars were especially striking; overall, you had a strong theme of light and dark throughout. That also connects to the more spidery aspects, with the dark arachnids and their pale webs. I especially loved your characterization of the milky white webs; I felt like I could picture them almost like nebulas, in a way.
I also thought your ending was particularly strong. The rhythm was consistent and the callback to the very first line was satisfactory.
One thing I did have to mention was the overall rhythm in the poem. I think the rhyme adds a lot, but there were some moments where I found myself stumbling over syllables. I find that reading aloud helps me a lot when it comes to ensuring my rhyming poems also flow well from line to line!
Specifics
I though this line was so clever; I loved the double meaning with the ties into the space imagery from earlier. It also just flowed really nicely with the rhyme.
Overall: nice work! Let me know if you have any questions about anything in my review! I hope to read more of your poetry soon; until next time!
Nice poem written by the author.
"Force my skin to recede and make space for more space
Space for more meaning, and emotion, and grace"
The spiders are also a lot like humans, the size, the shape, the communication language and few other things are different, but 'feelings', the emotions insects, animals, plants, human beings and every other living or non-living beings feels is same.
This poem reminds me of, Spiderman, 'The Sorrows of Spider (man)'.
Spiders are one of the most unique organisms alive on earth, from the miniature size spiders to gigantic ones, they all have a silent way to communicate, expressing their feelings.
Thank you so much you wrote this poem about the spiders, they are very important for our ecosystem.
And tell this spider 'whom you mentioned in this poem' that:
"Tough times shall pass, life is short, be happy and live it fast."
Keep it up.
Waiting for me.
Thank you.