sigh

well i can feel your distress in your words but love is unfair. i life the way you portray the imagery where a deep breadth is left at the back of the throat- one can almost feel what you say in words. however the ending is quite rough i would say. the way you tell that a sigh can b set free only when we die is quite pessimistic and the use of words like ''spill out'' don't really go i suppose. is the sigh a cry of some underachieved goal or the pain of some loving ones departure. or do you compare a sigh as a remark of your love??
i hope you don't mind my harsh words i am really a out and out practical person and dont think twice before giving my opinion. i really life your work but would rather like to find it in a satirical manner quouted by some metaphores or imagery or in an indirect sence

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review for you, in my lovely nest. I would first like to say that this poem is wonderfully written and well thought out. I love how you make the sigh as if its a person (personification), and you try everything to get rid of him but you can't so you just ignore him but whenever you try to ignore him, he comes back. I feel that poem describes how my life is seen through me eyes everyday and most people I would think too..

When you try to get rid of that person, they are still there lurking in the shadows until you say something to notice you miss them. I enjoy the use of P.O.V changing you used in the beginning and then transfer (I like poems that have that.) Also how you make the reader think back to if they have someone they dated and now whenever they think of the person, they just sigh at the features they had missed but now this time when they think of them, they hate to see their face even if it means you have to cut open your throat to let the true feeling go.

Hope you enjoy! (Sorry if this isn't really a "review")
CapitalMonday

Very interesting poem. I like the first verse best!

I guess I was a little confused about this one. I realize you could be switching the narrator or something, but I guess I'm just a little bit confused. Are you saying he's the sigh, is that him in the first stanza, and then the narrator switches?

Anyway, moving on from that point, your puncuation is a little off in a few places. For example:

No matter how deep
you breath in
and exhale
to try to make him leave.

*
No matter how many
cool sips of water
you take in,
he's still there.

That part should be one long phrase, but you put a period at the end of the first stanza. I think it just makes it read a bit choppy.

Besides that I really liked it! It was simple, but super interesting. That last stanza was a neat way to wrap it up.

I like how you make it so that you can relate that sigh to a mistake you made or a feeling that you left something. I also want to say that this poem has a lot of meaning in my life because I have done things that the only way to fix them is to sacrifice some thing for it. I love the creativity and reality in this poem.

The poem is great and you have served every word in this poem with atmost sincerity and dedication even though mistakes are our partners by birth we have to move on and do our best and do a work with complete dedication and imagination skill.today after reading this poem i found an young writer who can be the master of writing and an ability to do anything i loved your poem even though there may be some mistakes i would like to say in my traditional language [kalaki] what a wonderful creation

I liked your poem. You had form to it. I didn't care for how you worded it and how you set it up. That may just me. I prefer capitalizing, but that's me. Cutting your throat open is a little strange, but again that's just me. I think you have good potential. Try to work on your capitalizing, if you can. Anyway, I am sorry for my review. Keep up your writing though!

Hope.

I see that it has been adressed the first person third person No-No. Okay I don't know if you are new at poetry, but it's nice to stick to one perspective. If you had double the stanzas maybe you could switch, but frankly your poem was too short.
I like the concept of the poem not necessarily the poem itself. It is what I like to call a rewriter. I'm not trying to be mean, I just have a thing for poetry, and you have real potential.
so here are my tips for you.
For a first person perspective:
1. Be the sigh.
what do you sound like?
What emotion do you convey?
2. Pick a scene.
Where are you most present?
How do people react to you?
3. If you want that whole throat cutting open thing.
Feel yourself spilling out.
Be the parasite!
Honestly when you got to the end you were starting to draw me in if it were just a little longer!
Well I'm done.
~Inked

Very true I like the concept of this poem I just wish you extend more on it its a terrifically written.just love it no other way to put it .but my question is ...is the person sad or depressed or something like why does he wanna sigh or keeps it in ???

Otger than that keep writing ill be looking for more of your works and view mine too if you want

-oldsoulxoxo

Questio here to review!
I usually don't review poetry for the very simple reason that I'm terrible at poetry so I don't want to be a hypocrite. But this one is worth it, because I liked it.
Main problem I had was that in the first stanza you use "I am..." then completely abandon that! It goes from first person (person? I guess there's no other word for it...) perspective then switch over to third!!! WHAT?!? I don't want to be harsh, but that seems like an outsider looking in to poetry like a big no-no. Just replace all the "its" and "hes" with "I" or "me." Or change the "I" in the first stanza. Either way works, but I would make it all first-person. I feel it adds a more unique twist to a really cool subject.
Also in the first stanza you use three lines, not four like in the rest. And the third line seems longer than the norm of this poem. Maybe try to split it up?
Overall, lovely idea. The emotions I get from this work are frustration, or maybe even stubbornness. It connected, even if I got a little weirded out by the aforementioned issues.
So, lovely piece, needs a little work, and if you have any questions concerns or comments about how I obviously missed the point, PM me!
Your commrade in writing,
~Questio