Manipulation

I can relate to this a lot, it's amazing how you can take something people have been threw and explain it beautifully which is amazing. You're really good.

Hello!
I've been reviewing all types of poems today and this is by far the best, there's one nitpick and then I'm all admiring and complementing. The "anyway", I think that should be two words. other than that, I found no flaws. This is a very true scenario, even being a girl, I can say my species can be heartless sometimes. Some intentionally and some not. In this case, it's clear that this girl is just using the narrator. The details and descriptions really are wonderful in this piece. I just want to read it over and over. They're so vivid. And it's not hard to tell that it's from true emotions. I hope you keep writing because you've got the talent so definitely keep on.

Stay awesome!
Valerie

This is dark. Heavy imagery and subject matter. Your use of enjambment is to really great affect here. It sets up tension perfectly and has me going in all sorts of directions. Usually I'm not big on it but you've used it nicely. Also, this story is a very relateable one and I think you've found a good topic to expand upon. One thing I notice; there are several metaphors here that work really well. My biggest suggestion would be to expand them. Bring back the bird imagery. One thing about a poem is that when you use images like this, we can picture them literally because the poem doesn't have to be a real-world setting, so keep in mind when you conjure up images that the reader may see exactly what you wrote. There are some great moments of that, an I thin you can reference them again. The last lines a very powerfull and I think capture the essence of the poem. My only other observation is that you could work with language to create this brevity, clarity, and power in the rest of the work. Otherwise, keep pouring it out, my friend.

I can relate to this so much right now.

I almost felt like I was the author of this piece. Literally everything you've mentioned from "the little girl trapped inside the body of a monster" to "Manipulation is your game and I just can't play anymore" felt like this piece was my brainchild. Your descriptions are very well written, along with the changes she undergoes. The reader starts to perceive her as a wild animal, incapable of feelings and emotions. The way she keeps hurting you is simply terrifying until you manage to set yourself free of her bondage (so to speak) and finally realize who she really is.


All in all an incredible piece.
Great work!

I thought this was really good and I actually really enjoyed it. There was a lot of emotion and pain and confusion, and all these emotions and more were portrayed really well to the reader. I felt like I was you (slightly creepy, but you know what I mean).
The only thing I suggest is maybe trying to make this a little more rhythmic so it's not so disjointed. I was reading it in my head and I couldn't find a rhythm, so yeah, maybe that. However, the disjointed-ness could also play in your favor as it rolls in with the rest of the effect of you being confused and broken from this girl. It makes the reader feel more like that.
Overall rating: 8.5/10
Really great job, and welcome to Young Writer's Society (YWS)! If you ever have any questions, you can just PM me, or a moderator, who is a username in green.
Keep writing!
+1 (my nickname)

This... it's wonderful. It hit all the right chords. The way it described this relationship, this confused, convoluted relationship... just beautiful. This was an intense read, building up to a final denial. Simply awesome! Keep up the great, great work!

Hello, PheonixXander. What a great poem you've written!
This was a really great piece! It was so relatable and it expressed an idea that some people struggle voicing. Your poem had a very strong meter. You also used punctuation well to add to the effect of the poem. The poem had very good grammar, spelling, capitalization, etc. Your word choice was also well though-out to contribute to your poem in a positive way. I don't really have any corrections because this was such a great piece!
*Likes*
*Follows*
-emeraldfox

I really like this poem. It's great because it is relatable to a lot of people and I clearly expresses your feelings. I noticed that you don't have each stanza capitalized all the time. It should be capitalized each time at the beginning of a new stanza. I like how you use your choice of words, also your comparison of the girl being a monster. This has happened to me before and this story really explains it. Also, instead of periods at the end of the stanzas, try commas.

This is definitely bone-chilling, and fulfills the promise in the description of "real life horror". I would definitely agree with you on the assertion that real life horror is of a particularly terrifying brand.
Your descriptive language here is, for the most part, very evocative and appropriate to the subject, but there are a few grammar and usage slip-ups that break up the flow of the poem, and that's what I'd hope to help with.
"...let you breath."
Here, you've misspelled breathe. It's an easy mistake to make, and pretty minor, but the poem would still benefit from having it fixed.
"But you didn't only steal physical objects"
The term "physical objects," while accurate and precise, feels a bit too clinical for this subject matter. I'd recommend replacing it with "things," or even just "objects," both of which have more emotional connotations.
"the cries stung my ear drum"
Again, the term "ear drum" feels a bit too clinical for the subject matter, in addition to the fact that it looks rather weird in the singular form. Why did the cries only sting one eardrum, rather than both? You'd be better off replacing it with "ears," which has all of the syntactical meaning of your previous choice but doesn't mess up the emotional tone of the poem.
"I let you back in...multiple times."
Here, "many" would work better than "multiple," for the same reasons I gave in the previous two examples.
In any case, this is a lovely and evocative poem, and with a few revisions, I'm sure that it could really shine.