Young Writers Society

Wow! This is amazing! Listening to this poem allows people to connect to your thoughts and illustrates a clear and vivid message for your readers. To help go over this wonderful poem, I have written a pros and cons list.

Pros: Your poem has a lot of emotion behind each word, and helps readers make personal connections. Everything seems to be formatted well, and your vocabulary helps keep a consistant flow.

Cons: There really isn't any advice I can give you right now. Maybe next time you could possbly lengthen your size of the poem, but you don't really need to. That was just a suggestion of course.

Overall, I think you did amazing! Hopefully my review was helpful to you, and I expect to see more of your astonishing writing in the future!

Hey PheonixXader!

First off I'd like to say that you've definitely got the right content for a powerful poem. You're dealing with an issue that is very close to a lot of people and something that just about everyone can relate to in one way or another. If they can't relate to having a romantic relationship with strings attached, they might be able to relate to having a friendship with strings attached. For this reason I think you've selected the right subject matter and have chosen a good medium to talk about this issue with. Poetry is short and to the point, so you're not lingering around to understand the meaning, but the meaning is presented to you directly, and then talked about.

I think you do have some growth you could do in the emotional elements of this poem. I'm not saying that it's not a highly emotive poem when I say that, but your synopsis says that you feel the emotions are very powerful and for me, emotions are hard to pick up on in poetry unless it's very good, and this did not do that for me. That being said, that just tells me that there are ways to improve the emotional content beyond this point. My first suggestion would be to add more details to the poem, but not to make it longer. This is difficult because it means rewriting parts of it, but I think it will help. If you go into a metaphor or a simile about how it feels to be in a romantic relationship with strings attached, I think you'll get a better reaction and it will be even more relatable because people should understand that image you provide for us.

I also feel like giving the narrator love, which takes up four lines of the poem, is unnecessary. This poem is about all they've ever "wanted" not what they've gotten, so having them get what they want seems counterproductive to examining the struggles of a relationship with strings attached. If you want to examine the damage that a relationship like that does on someone else, then go into more details about how it affects the relationship the narrator is in now. You could spend an entire poem about the habits that need to be broken from the first relationship when you go into the second, and that would also be a very strong productive poem that people could connect with.

So in other words, I feel like though you do a good job dealing with something that a lot of people can relate to, you don't go deep enough, and get into the mindset of the narrator enough to really collect the basest of moments with someone can respond to emotionally in their own unique way. In translation, you're telling me too much. I feel like most, if not all, of this poem is telling us about something that's happened, and talking to us as a class rather than as a human. Why do you make the question "be happy?" rhetorical and answer it? Can't we answer it for ourselves? Can't that invite us into the poem by making us make a decision about what's going to happen now, and how this person should act? People love to give advice even where it isn't wanted, so providing us with an opportunity to give it, and then taking that away by making it a rhetorical question seems preachy. Treat 'telling' poems like you're talking to your best friend who's sitting there with you as you write, who will read it and respond back with some words of comfort or wisdom. You're not talking to an audience which has a set time for questions, you're talking to a neighbor, or a sister, or a brother, or a friend. Let that show through with the writing you do.

Anyways, I think you've really got a good concept here and the more you work with it, the more you write this poem again, the better it's gong to be. Go ahead and spend a couple days just writing this poem again, and again, with different words, but the same idea. See what comes out.

-Aley

Hey Tiny here!


So first off, great job dude. I'm honestly stuck thinking about this beautiful piece. As a person who recently got out of a long term relationship, I feel this. Although love is beautiful and wonderful, it's good to have a break.

I wanted someone to care and care for,

It’s horrible thing to feel obligated to prove yourself to someone,

having a feeling of stilling be your own individual self,

I completely agree. This poem does feel powerful. After one or two reads I have to say this is an amazing poem!