Hi Phoenixbird101, my thoughts on your poem:
I suppose I have many of the same thoughts that Kafka has here. The poem really lacks the strong physical imagery that could help it.
Your trust,
Its like a bright light,
Filled with hope,
Something that is so close in sight.
I'm unsure what kind of metaphor you are trying to achieve here, but trust and hope showing up as light doesn't exactly make us picture something solid. It's this amorphous thing that is just out of reach.
I reach out my hand,
But hesitation is there,
Will you really accept me,
The way that I am?
This part has a solid image, the hand reaching out. The hesitation is an okay image too. These lines are super choppy though and it interrupts the flow terribly. You also have a half rhyme in the first and last lines which distracts the reader.
I grab this light,
This trust,
I never grab too much.
Some odd phrasing in this stanza and the next. Poetry has odd metaphors at time, but that doesn't mean you have to create one, especially when the metaphor is difficult to grasp. Abstract nouns are best to avoid.
But..,
In the end,
The light is gone,
Now I'm back,
To where I first begun.
I don't even really know where to begin with the ending. It's just not wrapping everything up tightly enough and it tries to sounds profound, but fails. Sometimes the circular thing just doesn't work, and I think that's the case here. Why does everything start over? It doesn't feel like a situation that is cyclical.
Please let me know if I can explain anything further.
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