Hey, little human!
You're about to leave the womb, and the world is a real scary place.
Lucky for you, you've got a genetic opportunity for permanent protection!
And I'm about to offer it to you.
It is called White Privilege.
Let me explain some of its benefits.
First, we've got this thing called cops.
Their job is to protect the citizens of the world and keep them safe.
But since you'll have White Privilege on your side, you'll get extra safety!
Thanks to White Privilege you'll never, ever, need to feel nervous when you see a cop.
You won't need to worry when they pull you over,
and you won't stress about making sure your behavior is unsuspicious
or having to dress so they won't think you're a criminal.
Here's to not getting followed around every time you enter a store!
Another cool thing about having White Privilege is that in everyone's eyes, you're a genuine American.
You place in the U.S. of A.
You will never wake up with the fear of being found and getting sent back to your country,
or spend years and years picking up English
only to get ridiculed for your accent.
And you will NEVER spend your life slaving away earning only minimum wage
to get called lazy by people glued to their couches.
Nope, you'll never deal with this.
YOUR people are peaceful
(except for your ancestors who left Europe illegally and killed the majority of the Native population, but it's fine because the most famous one gets his own holiday!)
Now, for your looks.
Because of your White Privilege, the media will always find you attractive.
You won't need to worry about hiding your ethnic features
or have to spend hours searching for products for your type of skin or hair.
And if you're ever unhappy with your appearance, just steal someone else's!
Even if the person themselves would be shamed for having that appearance
or would be discriminated against for looking like they do.
You just swoop in and appropriate it.
Take that culture; we've already taken their land!
And the even cooler thing is, you will always be represented!
There will always be white models, actors, singers, characters;
it's like a world of only whites!
Not only that, but everyone already thinks you're smart and destined for greatness.
There will be none of this "having to work double time to get an equal opportunity.'
Listen, though, little human.
White Privilege is great and all, but that doesn't mean you'll live a struggle-free life.
You could be LGBTQ+.
You could come from a low-income family.
You may have mental or physical disabilities.
You may be a female.
BUT these struggles won't ever worsen due to the color of your skin.
You are at the top of the racial hierarchy, and this isn't a chance everyone gets.
So get your White Privilege today, and spend your whole life convincing yourself you don't see color!
Side effects may include (but are not limited to):
insensitivity for other cultures,
turning a blind eye to double standards,
making up white people problems for when you're getting ignored,
a dangerous sense of superiority,
and an unjustified offense to the words Becky, Cracker, and Mayonnaise.