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The School Criminal

by PenPacifist

Kissing his boyfriend landed him waiting in the office.

As he sits, another boy passes by the window on his way to class.

The other boy, whose eyes are never not red,

Whose lungs are never not filled with tobacco,

With dark circles under his eyes

From sneaking out and staying late.

The other boy who wears long sleeves

To cover his scars from his fights

Who enjoys his drinks intoxicating

Who prefers his girls unconscious

Whose words of hate threaten humans everywhere

Passes by the office without hesitation.

Because no one knows what he does.

No one pays attention.

If they paid attention to him,

Who’d be on patrol for boys kissing boys? 

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83 Reviews

Points: 4120
Reviews: 83

Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:17 pm
SkyeDreamer wrote a review...

I love this. There's a simplicity of it, although I'm not sure simplicity is the word I'm looking for, that makes its impact greater than it would be if you'd forced lots of flowy language or rhyme to it... I also think it's a very true portrait of the school system. Only one little nit picky thing: "Who enjoys his drinks intoxicated" should be "intoxicating." This is so well-written, almost as if you're seeing the scene through the eyes of a bystander? I don't know if this was intentional, but I know writing style itself is always intentional, so kudos to you! That was rambling and disorganized, but what I'm saying is overall, I really enjoyed this. Keep writing!

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21 Reviews

Points: 517
Reviews: 21

Mon Feb 20, 2017 4:33 pm
JustALittleBarry wrote a review...

Hey there, Kitty here for a shot review!

I liked this poem a lot, it had a lot of feeling and imagery in it. These thoughts are beautifully presented in such a poem, and the words have a great flow to them. I thought that the last few stanzas really put the meaning out there, which made me fully understand your poem. My one suggestion would be to reword line 11, as I think it could flow a bit better. Besides that, I thought this poem was wonderfully written with a powerful message.

Keep doing what you do!
Your friend, Katrina Kimberly

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Points: 575
Reviews: 3

Mon Feb 20, 2017 7:44 am
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starrzero wrote a review...

A quick review :)

At first, I read through this poem a bit too quickly and, therefore, missed the meaning behind it. I read through a few more times in order to generate my response, and the deeper meaning hit me after about the fifth time.

In my eyes, you have taken the modern culture of today's society and you have gently placed it into a perfect comparison of school punishments.

I completely agree with your point. In today's society, many people view smoking/chewing tobacco, drinking excessive alcohol, dealing threats to other people, and many other dangerous activities as "cool," or even refer to it as "living life to the fullest," whilst if a male is seen with another male(or a female with another female)in a romantically intimate situation, it is often called "gross," "unnatural," "fake," and many other derogatory terms. Granted, some people see the dangerous things people do in today's culture as disgusting, threatening, and dangerous, and granted, some people see homosexuality as nothing to be looked down upon, but truthfully, today's society has been desensitized. We watch bloody and gory movies as well as movies with sexually explicit scenes without batting an eye. People are in the streets killing people, and when we see things such as that on the news, we are trained to think that it happens and that it's normal. Should the killing of another sentient human truly be considered normal? Should we as a society truly think nothing of killers and addicts, but meanwhile scoff in disgust at homosexuals? Society has learned to punish the wrong people.

Furthermore, society also needs to be more aware of the people around them. Society often neglects the true signs of someone in need of help, whilst we are so quick to judge those around us for not being what we consider to be "normal."

Your poem is truly inspiring and intriguing, and even as I sit here at 2:45AM on a Monday, my mind still ponders about society and the world that we live in today because of the ways this poem has opened my mind.

Moreover, as this is supposed to be a review(I'm getting caught up in the meaning of this piece), there are a few things, not many, that could be done to enhance this poem, which include:
>Change line one: "Kissing his boyfriend got him waiting in the office." into "Kissing his boyfriend landed him waiting in the office"(Personally, I prefer to avoid using the word "got" in my works, as I believe there is always a better word in place of it that could enhance my writing.)
>Change line eight: "To cover his marks from his fights" into "To cover his scars from his fights"(Changing marks to scars gives the word in reference a connotation that makes the meaning stick out more.)
>Change line eleven: "Whose words of hate are a threat to humans everywhere" into "Whose hateful words threaten those everywhere"(Personally, I believe making this line more concise helps the flow of the piece.)

Evidently, I've not found many errors throughout this inspiring piece. I truly enjoyed reading and analyzing it in order to generate a response/review, and I encourage you to keep writing. Also, the changes I have suggested are neither the only ways that the mentioned lines could be changed nor are the mentioned lines in need of change. I simply suggested ways that could help the poem flow better. The poem in its original form was astonishing, and I was truly moved by the underlying message you have conveyed through this piece.

What's the point of being a grown-up if you can't be a bit childish sometimes?
— 4th Doctor