Tired

I enjoyed reading this, although it made me feel a little tired, because I can definitely relate to it. I am either at school, or work, or studying and the only time I can do anything I want to do, like writing, is really late at night. Which of course means even less sleep! I think your poem really speaks to me in that way. A lot of other students will probably relate to this as well. I think you have definitely gotten your message across, aside from just talking about being physically tired, your poem also talks about being emotionally tired which is something we all feel from time to time, so that was awesome! I like the structure, the way it just flows down the page in a tired way, but I think you should review the bulk of the writing, just see if you can make it sound more flowy. That's not a word, but you know what I'm saying. I think all poetry should sound as good as it looks, so maybe try read it aloud?

I really hope this helps and I really like the message being portrayed!

Hi.

First of all, I think a lot of people can relate to this. I don't know why, but it seems like a lot more people are tired these days; whether it's because they're tired OF something or just physically exhausted. It just feels like everyone wants to find a way to complain to somebody else about their fatigue, as if they need other people to know how painful it is. And it is painful; I've been through it too, where I'm just tired of life in general. The relatability in this poem was wonderful.

Second. I'm aware that I basically have nothing to dislike about this poem. It's short, mistake-less, and the repeating of the word "tired" really went to symbolize how routine is exhausting, and even that sometimes people just use the phrase, "I'm tired" to fill a silence, and it's so overused, but nobody actually notes the cliché of it, so it's never "actually cliché". I know I'm not making sense, but you get the general idea.

The only suggestion I may have is to add a little more description. I was going to say to possibly add commas at the end of each of the longer phrases, but I like the fact that it just keeps going on and on, sort of like a broken record (in a good way, I promise!), which kind of makes the monotone of the tiredness so much more real. So great job. Just a little more description would be better; when you say, "the haze that I've been living in", what does the haze look like? Is it foggy? Is it like a gaseous poison that puts you to sleep? Or, when you talk about "these tears that I've been swimming in", is it a pool of tears that stings your eyes like chlorine? A boisterous ocean of waves that crashes over your head, and the salt stings your eyes? Tell me more. You have room to expand a little bit, and show me more of the exhaustion you're experiencing instead of just writing it. Make me feel like I'm inside this poem.

Otherwise, I think this was very interesting. Good job! I look forward to reading more.

-Savvy

Being a first year college student, I understand your tiredness. This poem really speaks to me and what I've gone through this past year. There have been many days where I just can't find the strength to get up. I would like to say that things do get better and you'll get less and less tired of things. I've found that just believing that one day I'll see what it all was for will get me to the end.