Do you ever feel
that you’re just a little bit
lost.
That you’re just
wandering.
Not even there
Not even living
just sort of
going
through
the
motions
And then you wonder
What
what exactly are we her for?
What are we trying to
achieve?
We.
Us.
Humans.
Fools.
Scrambling,
like ants
in the end,
wont we just be a pile of
rotting flesh
or
dust?
Will you even make
a difference?
Do you ever just wonder?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Questions Questions Questions! But where are the answers for all of them? Could life just be a game for an omnipotent fool? Or a powerful genius? An everpresent universe or a lost god?
Why will no one answer these questions? Because we have no natural philosophers! We need people to question life because then life questions ourselves. The reason we were put on this planet is still yet to be found. I can't say how much I'd love to answer that myself, but who'll listen? Definitely not my pillow...
This poem feels... Increasingly... What's the word? I can't think of it. I get enthusiastic the more I read, almost to the point of insanity! I love it! I love it!
Take all of my yes!
Hi PeaceLuvPoems. I love your username!
I'm Solvy and I'm here to review for you. I think this is a neat poem, but I also think there's room for improvement. I seriously like the image at the end of the poem -"Scrambling, like ants in the end, wont we just be a pile of rotting flesh or dust?"- because it doesn't tell the message you're trying to share, it shows it. I think this liberty to describe is what makes creative writing so special; it allows readers to share their experiences and the way the see the world in different ways. However, I didn't feel the same way about the entire piece. With the exception of that one line I quoted, you're just writing words, and I think it could be much more creative. Let's take a couple lines, for example, to show you what I would do to try and improve this piece.
If I were you, I would try to think of what being "lost" feels like. I would describe the feeling to replace it by the plain old word, and give this poem more imagery. I think it would be really interesting if you could show us how you feel about what you're sharing and how you see the world. Looking at the last word of this quote, I think you sort of could describe the feeling, for you mentioned the word "wander", which is walking without the intention of getting to a specific place. Remember that the first few lines of a piece are very important, for they give the very first impression. Also, if the first sentence is a question, it should have a question mark instead of a period.
This is my only recommendation. Hopefully, this isn't one messy review and you were able to understand my point. xD However, if you have any questions, feel free to PM me. Keep writing!
Your friendly neighbor,
GeeLyria
My answer is YES! This poem couldn't be said any better. Honestly. It makes you think and wonder about everything, which is what I do on occasion. There is so many questions that people have about life. Is there a God? What happens to us when we pass away? Will we be remembered? Or are we just passing on, a movement of life. I love this poem. You have some talent my friend.
Keep up the good work, and thank you for making think that I'm not totally crazy!
-Emily Lemke