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Mindfulness Poem

by Paracosm

Emotions are an ocean,

Your mind is just a boat,

So when the waves are crashing,

Remember how to float.

Your breath can be your compass,

To show you your true north,

Accept and love your feelings,

Accept and love their source.

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8 Reviews

Points: 38
Reviews: 8

Sat Oct 17, 2020 8:50 pm
Wallflower23 wrote a review...

Wow. Goodness gracious I love this so much. I like to say that I am highly susceptible to feeling a lot and I feel like this poem really expresses how overwhelming it can be to feel so much and how easy it can be to loose control.

I really love the metaphor of the emotions being a sea and the mind being the boat. It reminds me that it is possible to navigate those emotions.

I also love the metaphor of the breath being a compass. It really can be a grounding force that can help you clear your mind and find your way.

Finally I love the last two lines of loving your feelings. I find it very easy to begrudge my emotions when I have a hard time navigating them but this just reminds me that it's not healthy to do that because at the end of the day they are a part of me and who I am.

Overall well done my dear! This really brought me some peace!

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Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Thu Oct 01, 2020 1:39 pm
Mia2 says...

I like this poem
But is short

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43 Reviews

Points: 1926
Reviews: 43

Tue Sep 29, 2020 3:19 pm
fleuralplants wrote a review...

Hi! This is going to be a rather short review, but here we go.
I absolutely loved this poem, it was very calming to read.
I love the way that the phrase "emotions are an ocean" sounds when you say it aloud.
I really appreciated the idea of comparing a mind to a boat and the emotions as the waves. That metaphor is really nice, and I didn't find it to be cliche or overdone.
I appreciated the slight rhyme between "north" and "source", but I felt as if the last two lines didn't really fit into the poem. I liked the messages of those two lines, but I don't think they flowed very well.
Thank you for sharing!

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40 Reviews

Points: 82
Reviews: 40

Sun Sep 27, 2020 10:14 pm
Buranko wrote a review...

Buranko here, short review just for you.
I love the metaphorical exprimation you used. The idea of emotions being an ocean is not new but I like how you adapted it to your style. This poem acts like a life advice in a way and also as a nice way for some people to find and know themselves better.
The contradiction you used is interesting. Most of the times people say that emotions are separated from mind, yet you say that mind is what gets you from a shore to another. Maybe this poem is an analogy to stop overthinking and take a deep breath while calmly asessing the situation.
The ending is also contradicting what I think of the poem. By using your mind you can get through the emotions but in the last two lines you imply that the boat should not be controlled.
Interesting approach. Glad to have found this

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200 Reviews

Points: 14056
Reviews: 200

Sun Sep 27, 2020 11:27 am
LittleLee wrote a review...

Greetings, Paracosm!
I'm Lee, and here to review your work!

So, my first impression is that it's a very well thought and well executed poem. Your metaphors are very effective in conveying what you want to, and they fit with each other really nicely. I also enjoy the simplicity - there are no deep meanings here as far as I can see - because it's refreshing and not poorly done, as is often the case.
There are just a couple of suggestions I have. Please feel free to disregard anything you find unhelpful!

The syllable count is a 7-6-7-6 as far as I can make out; I really like how you stuck with this meter throughout, but here,

Your mind is just a boat,
instead of "just" how about you put an "and" at the beginning of the line? "Just" signifies something very plain and simple, and doesn't work well here. Besides, if you use "and," there's a better connection with the following lines.

Your breath can be your compass,

To show you your true north,

Accept and love your feelings,

Accept and love their source.

Love this, but you didn't stick with a rhyme. And why did you select breath to be the object of your metaphor?

Honestly, I would have liked to see more. You have quite a lot of talent, and your style of writing is enjoyable. I hope you keep it up!

- Lee

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5 Reviews

Points: 151
Reviews: 5

Sun Sep 27, 2020 8:09 am
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CyberGenji wrote a review...

Hi there, I'm CyberGenji and i'll be reviewing your poetry today.

First of all, it's very simple and short but it's very well done.

"Emotions are an ocean"- this single line carries so much truth and feeling, because emotions are indeed as vast as an ocean, and as fluid as it too. humans can switch through anger,happiness,jealousy in a matter of seconds.

"Remember how to float."- Another very beautiful line that can be interpreted in many ways.
In the chaotic life that nearly everyone lives, just for the sake of survival we forget how to take a step back, how to take a second to care for ourselves, we forget how to keep afloat.

"Accept and love your feelings,

Accept and love their source."- i think this is the most beautiful part of the poem, and how it tells everyone, feelings are a part of you and they are normal. that we should learn to love them instead of pushing them away in fear of getting hurt. and that we should learn to love their source whether it is us or someone else.

All in all, absolutely well done, I hope to see more of your work.

"For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein