Haiku

Good job! The irony of this text made me snicker.

One thing: I'm not sure this is a haiku, since haiku have to be about some subject, like a season or something. But it's cute anyway!

Keep it up!

Mysticalxx

Hey Shin!

So I'm going to review this and get it out of our wonderful Green Room, you're taking up space! It's hard to review what is a silly, very short poem, but I'm going to anyway. It might be an appallingly short review but we'll do what we can.

Firstly, Karzkin's link is amazing so I'm going to link you again here (we're not going to discuss how really egotistical it was of Karzkin to link his own article about haiku!) viewtopic.php?f=8&t=82269. This is in full link form just in case you thought you could miss the hyperlink!

I DO think this is a senryu though, but I'm going to be juggling with the justification of that quite a bit. While this conforms to the 5-7-5 structure of the haiku in general we all know it isn't digging down into those nature elements which a traditional haiku of this form does. So we instead move to the much more flexible senryu. You do have a somewhat complex idea which one can contemplate on, which is to say - does naming something make it so? A rose by any other name, if you like. You could have just called this a poem though we could have giggled at the suggestion of the haiku inside the poem. What is a good haiku? The irony of this actually being a bad haiku hits the reader who is aware of the definitions, and then we are troubled again. Does the author know that this is a bad haiku or is the narrator oblivious to the traditional constraints of Japanese poetry?

I think you do well to delve into these particularly contemplative topics. So tops on a good senryu. If you just changed the title of the piece, you'd have a good poem all round.

Thanks for the read, as always you can hit me up if you want to chat the poetry game.

~Pen.

I loved this! I don't understand all of the negative reviews :/
This made me laugh!


A good haiku has
five syllables, then seven,
and then five again.

Its a haiku, about a haiku! What's not to love?!

"a form of Japanese poetry with 17 syllables in three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, often describing nature or a season" This is what defines a haiku according to Bing Dictionary so I don't understand why Karzkin says this is not a haiku.

~mari

hm..... lazy?

First of all, Shino, as Karzkin pointed out, this is not a haiku. It does not meet the technical criteria. A haiku must be about nature, particularly a season. It must also contain keriji, something that makes you contemplate two different ideas presented in the poem.

However, this does technically count as Senryu, but only sort of. It only presents an idea, and it does not leave much room for contemplation on the idea.

Although it is pretty cute, it's not a haiku.

A bad haiku has
five syllables, then seven,
and then five again.

Haha, this made me giggle, well done!

Although it seems Karzkin just went all technical on your ass, so I'm off to view her/his linked forum post!

Cute.

Only tenro haiku
are in this pattern

zenshi ichimi haiku
can do whatever they like

Also, not a haiku.