So I wrote a poem first and then the prolouge to go with it.
When love an hate
awaken the dead
the world will be silent.
The birds will not sing,
the wind will not whisper,
and life's breath will halt.
The judgement they will pass.
The verdict will decide,
if love will prevail, or if it shall die.
Two families...
The Crow and Fade families live in a world where magic exists, creatures of fiction come to life, and emotions run stronger than ever. Especially love and hate.
An eternal hate...
As the two families feud over ruling the land of Alia, their hate festers. The ever-peaceful land is on the brink of war.
One forbidden love...
Hannah Fade and Jesse Crow meet. Oblivious to each other's identity, in their short encounters, the two begin to fall in love.
But once the truth comes out, you can't put it back in. And the sparks that fly, both of love and hate, might be loud enough to awaken the dead.
End of chapter
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Goodevening jay here to give you a quick review
so lets get in to it
First off a poem like this was pretty Incredible poem and what i read on was So I wrote a poem first and then the prolouge to go with it.
When love an hate
awaken the dead
the world will be silent.
The birds will not sing,
the wind will not whisper,
and life's breath will halt. but yeah what i read on was what i really like in your poem and you did a good job on it
Second my compliment to your work is you should be proud of yourself for what your poem had give you some good tips to be a better with good poems and some good thoughts
third how you would inprove is good thoughts and what you think that would be good with that poem and write it and express your feelings and its what you feel
have a nice day and keep up the good work!!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I'm not the person you should be going to when getting feedback on a poem, but I will tell ya what it felt like to read that and so...I get this very death like from vibe. All the imagery seems to be focused on silence and stillness and just general death related things that give the whole piece a decidedly morbid flavor. Its a very interesting choice for a poem that comes along with a prologue especially with that kind of title.
Hmm, not quite prologue like here I do have to see. This has a distinctly blurb like feel to it for me personally. I think it'd work much better as one of those rather than calling this a prologue. You could just pretty much leave the poem as a prologue or a preface.
So yeah the distinctly blurb like quality continues throughout, you should look into that. Other than that, the premise here is lovely. It certainly sounds intriguing enough that find myself wanting to know more about what happens here. Overall, I'd say you've done a good job here, its just that little issue of this not quite being a prologue.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Whoa! This is deep. I agree with Torigirl15!You should edit ehat she mentioned. This is great, I hope you write more
Keep Writing!
Nike:)
This prologue reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. It doesn't sound very original, to be frank, and i don't think this is a story i would particularly want to read because i've read so many others like it. You should add an interesting flair, maybe have a third family, and have a girl in that family also fall in love with the guy, or something original. I'm not very good with writing love stories, so i couldn't really give you any suggestions, but i hope you can figure it out! good luck! hope this helps. =)