Dark Magick

Hi there! I'm here to make a review on a work of yours just like you asked me to.

First of all, I think this should be called a plot rather than a prologue xD. Prologues are like introductions. Plots are like summaries. Anyway, the plot is pretty nice. Only the beginning was, for me, common. The 'finding out about the magic in their blood' part thingy. But, never mind that. The rest of the plot won't happen without that kind of beginning, would it? About the poll, I'll vote for 'yes'. You should continue writing it. Make it awesome!

xD I guess I have nothing else to say now. Keep writing!
- Whisperer -

Hi! I'm Regan, your reviewer for this peice. The way I do this is I highlight the thing that is wrong or needs editing in RED and the correction/what it should really be in GREEN. If there's anything particular I like, I'll make it BLUE! Let's start, shall we?

Writer97 wrote:This is just a prolouge.

Spoiler

Rae ant Taylre are best friends. AAat Atsleepovers they do normal girl stuff: like You had : so the like isn't needed.makeovers, talk about boys, and make fun of the other girls. Oh, and they cast spells. When the girls were thirteen, they discovered that therthere is magickIs that spelled wrong on purpose? Hmmm the correct spelling is magic, so I'll highlight anyother magick, and let me know if thats really how it should be in there blood. Their ancestors were witches who eventuallyI don't like that there, it doesn't flow very well, make it "Their anscestors were witches who were eventually burned at the stake." Or just get rid of it completely! were burned at the stake.

But as Rae cleans out her attic she makes an amazing discovery, or so it seems. The dairydiary of her ancestorof one of her anscestors is hidden under a loose floor board. It is a detailed description of the last months of her life. As the girls relive the pain and torture of a woman before their time, they unearth something thst was ment to stay buried.

Thier ancestors had discovered and weilded a great power. A Witches dont have just one power, normally they have many, right?power that eventually lead to their demise[color=#FF0000]. [/color]Make a comma, the next sentince isn't complete, it needs to be attatched to something!Though it never said why. It was written that the two witches had trapped thetheir power in a sacred tree. One that was not at all far. Just through Witches forest, which no one entered. It was written that the two witches had trapped the power in a sacred tree, a tree that wasn't that far away. It was just through witches forrest, a forrest that no one dare enter.

When the girls unleash itsince this is a new paragraph and you haven't mentioned the power in the tree, we don't know what you're talking about when you say 'it'. be more specific! they are more powerful that ever. They can do things they thought were just for movies. But then things start to go wrong. Spells don't work right, people get hurt, people die. Rae was like another person, like someone else possessing her body. As Taylre soon realizesI'm not the best speller but that doesn't look quite right. Check it?, there was a reason their ancestors destroyed the power. Because slowly but surely, it is turning Rae evil.hmmm doesn't flow very well.

As the days pass Taylre has to discover how to stop the evil growing inside Rae, or the whole town might be in danger. But it might come down to choosing between Rae and town. Because when this is over, Taylre might not have to worry over aboutthe evil in Rae, but her funeral arrangements.

Hi! I'm Regan, your reviewer for this peice. The way I do this is I highlight the thing that is wrong or needs editing in RED and the correction/what it should really be in GREEN. If there's anything particular I like, I'll make it BLUE! Let's start, shall we?

Writer97 wrote:This is just a prolouge.

Spoiler

Rae ant Taylre are best friends. AAat Atsleepovers they do normal girl stuff: like You had : so the like isn't needed.makeovers, talk about boys, and make fun of the other girls. Oh, and they cast spells. When the girls were thirteen, they discovered that therthere is magickIs that spelled wrong on purpose? Hmmm the correct spelling is magic, so I'll highlight anyother magick, and let me know if thats really how it should be in there blood. Their ancestors were witches who eventuallyI don't like that there, it doesn't flow very well, make it "Their anscestors were witches who were eventually burned at the stake." Or just get rid of it completely! were burned at the stake.

But as Rae cleans out her attic she makes an amazing discovery, or so it seems. The dairydiary of her ancestorof one of her anscestors is hidden under a loose floor board. It is a detailed description of the last months of her life. As the girls relive the pain and torture of a woman before their time, they unearth something thst was ment to stay buried.

Thier ancestors had discovered and weilded a great power. A Witches dont have just one power, normally they have many, right?power that eventually lead to their demise[color=#FF0000]. [/color]Make a comma, the next sentince isn't complete, it needs to be attatched to something!Though it never said why. It was written that the two witches had trapped thetheir power in a sacred tree. One that was not at all far. Just through Witches forest, which no one entered. It was written that the two witches had trapped the power in a sacred tree, a tree that wasn't that far away. It was just through witches forrest, a forrest that no one dare enter.

When the girls unleash itsince this is a new paragraph and you haven't mentioned the power in the tree, we don't know what you're talking about when you say 'it'. be more specific! they are more powerful that ever. They can do things they thought were just for movies. But then things start to go wrong. Spells don't work right, people get hurt, people die. Rae was like another person, like someone else possessing her body. As Taylre soon realizesI'm not the best speller but that doesn't look quite right. Check it?, there was a reason their ancestors destroyed the power. Because slowly but surely, it is turning Rae evil.hmmm doesn't flow very well.

As the days pass Taylre has to discover how to stop the evil growing inside Rae, or the whole town might be in danger. But it might come down to choosing between Rae and town. Because when this is over, Taylre might not have to worry over aboutthe evil in Rae, but her funeral arrangements.

It's really good but like people have said before me, it's not much of a prologue. You should make the prologue more like the first chapter of the book.

This book seems like it has a lot of potential! You should definitely write it. Watch out for the little things though. Things like spelling mistakes are easily looked over.

Hi Writer97!

I found you have some good ideas, but also they seem to be already used and/or are cliches. And I must agree with the others who reviewed before me: This doesn't seem like a prologue. To me, a prologue slightly introduces the story, by way of mystery. To me, when I read this piece, I felt like I was reading a prolonged summary on the back of a book.

You also need to do a quick look-over before you post. I noticed quite a few errors of spelling and grammar that are quite simple to spot and fix.

I hope I helped!

Lavvi

Heya,

This is a really great idea, but like Kiwi said before me it isn't much of a prologue. It would be good if you did the prologue about the ancestors and start the first chapter on the sleep over.
Also, you do have quite a few spelling errors. If you haven't checked through (or just don't want to, becasue we can all get like that) then just add a note saying that you haven't checked your spellings. This way people will back of about the speelings and just review your work.

Hope I was helpful and PM me if you need anything. Keep up the good work!

X BlackRose X

Hey!

This sounds like a really cool plot for a story, but I don't think it's really a prologue. It's much more like a blurb that describes in brief what happens than a beginning. So, if that's what you were going for then it works really well, but if you're planning to use this as the opening I think it could do with being different.

Perhaps you could begin with Rae discovering the diary, or her and her best friend having a sleepover, but either way in a prologue you need some kind of starting point to go from, that draws people in and hints a little at what's to come. As it is it seems more like an overview than an actual beginning, if you know what I mean.

Also, you might want to do a read through and check for spelling mistakes, because I noticed a few - "dairy" instead of "diary", "thst" instead of "that", that kind of thing.

Anyway, I hope you post more of this story because from what you've got here, it sounds like it could be really awesome. Keep writing!