Deep down, I love you.
Deep down, I cry your name.
Deep down, I am yours.
I will wait, wait for my love,
my darling. Deep down, I love you.
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140,400 Literary Works • 673,156 Reviews
Hey CesareBorgia
Here for a review.
Although the poem was short, it was a very good poem. Because of it's brevity, I will review line by line.
Basically I see that it is a love note, and that the repetiton of how much you love this person, makes it sound realistic.
I liked the heart at the end as well c:
CesareBorgia signing out.
Thank you<3 i really appreciate it!
Hello, this was pretty good! I'm going to start with the good stuff before I make a couple suggestions. I think it's such a sweet poem and the repetition is used well to really emphasise the emotions of the poetic voice. The ambiguity of "wait" is interesting and leaves the reader wondering about why they can't be together, what is she waiting for?
There are a few problems that can be resolved super quickly with a proof read- "Down" in the first line should not have a capital 'd', ditto "deep" in the final line. Personally I don't like to start new lines with a captial unless the previous line was the end of a sentence, however that's just a suggestion and my preference. 'i' should definitely be a capital throughout.
I liked the simplicitly of this, but I think you could make your message a bit clearer if you used more variety of punctuation. Often in poetry punctuation can be used to emphasise certain lines, for example by isolating one idea in one sentence. Right now your poem reads as a single sentence that doesn't actually end at all (you forgot the full stop at the end). I would've structured it more like this:
Deep down, I love you.
Deep down, I cry your name.
Deep down, I am yours.
I will wait, wait for my love,
my darling. Deep down, I love you.
You can mess around with where different sentences end and how you split of clauses though. I think the depth of you feelings might be expressed better if there was some imagery or emotive vocabulary. Simple sentiments expressed in simple terms can be great, but you should try to avoid sounding cliche because then you could start to sound a bit disingenuine.
Keep writing! I hope this was helpful, I really did like the poem.
Thank you <3
Hey, nice start!
Here are a few suggestions for improvement:
-make sure you proof-read. All your "i"s are lower-case.
-maybe write more elaborate lines about how long or desperately you will "wait for my love" and how much you love you.
But I like the stillness in the poem and how it got me to read it over and over again. Nice work!
Thank you<3