“I can teach you.”
“You?” I scoffed. “Why would you want to do that?”
“Because I’m the only one that can handle your mood swings, that’s why.”
I glance at Bugs and Alys with an incredulous look on my face. Alys shrugs with a hint of a smile on her lips. I could hit her.
“Fine,” I snap. “But I call the shots.”
Elijah laughs, “That’ll be interesting, when you’ll be the one drowning if you don’t do as you’re told.”
I scowl in his direction and march towards the water’s edge. I’ll show him that I’m more than capable of looking after myself. I strip my clothes off until I’m left staring down at the cascading waterfall in just my underwear. I can feel three pairs of eyes boring into my back but I’m not embarrassed. Let them look!
I take a deep breath, bend my knees and launch myself off the edge. Eyes screwed shut, I listen to the wind whistling past my ears, waiting for the entry into the foaming water. My stomach rolls at the sensation of falling, I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable with it again.
Icy daggers stab me as I plunge into the depths. With my head submerged, I struggle hard to kick for the surface. Why doesn’t it feel like anything is happening? My dark hair sways in front of my eyes as streams of air bubbles escape my lips. I hate to give in to it, but I start to panic.
My arms ache with the effort of trying to propel myself forwards. My legs are starting to give up from the over exertion. The surface of white, foaming bubbles is just within my reach but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t make it. I gasp in a huge intake of water and my lungs burn in protest. My vision falters, for just a second. I’m tired and cold.
So cold.
Just when I think it’s all over, two strong hands grip me around my waist and push me through the surface. I instantly start coughing and hold on tightly to the arms that are holding me above water. One of the hands leaves my waist and gently, pushes my sopping hair away from my eyes.
Elijah. Of course, it is.
I sigh and realise, that I now know what embarrassed feels like. Why did I think I could master the art of swimming first time?
“Are you ok?” he asks, frowning with what, strangely, looks like concern. I hear a chorus of giggles above me. I look up and give Alys and Bug’s a look that could savagely murder them in a second. Bug’s turns his giggle to a tactical choking but Alys just winks and waves.
“I’m fine. I was fine,” I lie, struggling from his grip, causing me to instantly bob under the water once more.
“You’re welcome,” Elijah smirks, whilst taking hold of my waist again. There he is, returned to his usual smug self. He is still fully clothed which means he jumped in after me on a quick decision.
Aren’t you supposed to be grateful when someone has saved your life? I couldn’t think of anything more annoying at this moment in time.
“So, we’ve just gone through lesson one,” he says. “Don’t run before you can walk. Or in your case, don’t jump.”
I glare at him but don’t disagree. Who can disagree with what a disaster that was?
“Lesson number two. Getting used to the water.”
“I think I’m pretty used to it by now, thanks,” I spit, shivering.
“You need to get used to how your body feels in the water. The weight is completely different. Try.” Elijah motions away from him.
I gingerly allow his hands to fall away. I kick my legs hard to keep myself afloat but the current delights in being able to drag me under. I’m not strong enough! Something that has never happened to me before and I hate losing even an inch control.
I reach out for something to hold and Elijah’s there instantly, pulling me into his side.
End of chapter
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So you told me about this a long time ago, and now that it's review day I can finally get to it
Well, I think this is what you told me about... So here I go ^^

So this was really good! You did a great job giving off that romantic vibe between the MC and Elijah even though I've never met Elijah (the character :p) before. Good job on that ^^ You had a pretty good flow here. There were some parts that were worded a little strangely, but it wasn't all that drastic so that it was easy to notice.
At the very beginning I didn't realize that they were going through a swim lesson, you did that on purpose right? Ir certainly helped add humor to the story once I realized just what they were doing XD The way that you brought out the MC's personality through this chapter, it was really well done and I thought that this chapter is certainly very valuable to the story. Despite the fact that what happens is only a swim lesson, it does wonders for the character's development. Wonderful job there since I love characters especially.
Overall this was a well written chapter! I wish there had been a little more to it plot wise, but other than that great job! Just try and add more imagery so that it draws me in more. That way I can actually feel like I'm failing as swimming ^^ In a good way of course XD Keep writing!
Sushi
Hello, this is DP giving you a review. The negative stuff first, OK?
You use the word look two times in the same sentence. That's a no-no. Just switch the first "look" to glance, or gaze. Probably glare would be the best, actually, because the other two seem to more of just quick glances. Not giving them "the look."
I couldn't really find anything that was bad in this chapter. In fact it was quite an enjoyable read. I think you portrayed the water, Piper, Elijah, and all the other characters well. Although this is the first of your Shadowdale I've read, I can already see the type of personalities these people have. Also, there was a slight bit of humor in this. Bug's and Alys both make me laugh, although Piper does the most, because she is so stubborn and un-wanting to give in to being thankful. Now I don't mean that she is necessarily selfish, she doesn't seem like that. I guess what I am trying to say is that ALL of your characters seem real. Very real.
I liked Elijah too, and the way he acted. He handled himself calmly and like a good teacher. And is there just a little bit of romance? Overall a nice preview of what's to come. This seems like quite an interesting story. Kudos!
Piper sounds just as clueless as some of my characters. I love her already!
So, I haven't read the other parts of Shadowdale, but the characters and their relationships are already well-formed and easily readable from just this one part. Awesome job!
There's a little bit of clean-up to do, but it's only minor things. Re-reading this or reading it aloud will be more than enough to fix them.
Also, some of Piper's thoughts seem-I don't know-out of place? Sometimes the thoughts come on one-after-another and they don't quite flow together. But like I said, reading stuff aloud always helps with that.
That just about wraps it up. Maybe a little more detail on their surroundings, but I already see most of the character relationships, and Piper is well-done in terms of indirect characterization.
Keep it up!
This was really enjoyable to read! I want to see more... please.
Thanks Holysocks! Glad you enjoyed it. You should read the prologue to this novel, and chapter one!

Revised Prologue - Shadowdale
Shadowdale - Chapter 1
There you go!
Thanks! I think that I will.