A/N - Yes, I realise that those of you who have been reading this stop/start novel of mine will be asking, "Wait? Where's the rest of it?" WELL - I don't do anything in order. :) I like doing the end pretty sharpish so I know where I'm heading. Let me know what you think. It would help if you read the revised prologue to understand the parallels.
I can't think. I can't move. I can't even scream. Nothing is processing through my brain. All I can see is the black void beneath me, goading me to fall into its clutches. The same fear that I felt eleven years ago comes flooding back all at once.
The ledge beneath my feet is crumbling away by the second but my back is already pressed hard against the wall behind me.
“Piper!” I hear Elijah shout above the roar of the splitting earth. He drops down directly above me, thrusting his has hand down. “Take it!”
I turn away. Some part of me just won't accept that Elijah is real. No one came to save me before. Why would it be any different this time?
“Now Piper!” Elijah screams. I look up into his blue eyes. Blue eyes full of worry and desperation. The same eyes I saw that very first day I arrived. Ironic that they will now be the very last thing I see.
I see Elijah's lips move once more but I don't hear a word. All sound has ceased to exist. I look to see that my toes are now hanging over the edge. A strange sense of relief washes over me, knowing that I won't have much longer to wait.
I feel someone drop down beside me and then roughly shake my shoulders. Elijah. How did he get down here? Why is he down here? He's gesturing up above him. I frown at him, not understanding what he's trying to tell me. His hands grab me at my waist and he heaves me up, scraping my back against the wall. I'm pushed back over the precipice. I roll over and find myself staring at the low Shadowdale ceiling. How did I get here? I'm supposed to be dead.
The roaring, screaming and crashing comes back to me with a start when I realise what he's done. I scramble back to the ledge and look down. Elijah is now in the position I was....before he saved me. He has traded places. Sacrificed his life for mine.
I dangle my hand down, stretching my fingers to reach him. They brush against his as my tears begin to fall down my cheeks.
“Elijah!” I cry. “Please! You can get back up. You have to get back up!”
He says nothing. He just takes my hand in his own and presses his lips to it. I close my eyes, feeling the warmth of them on my skin. The feeling reminds me of the beam of golden light in the tunnels. My own little slice of heaven. Our own little slice of heaven.
Elijah's touch is wrenched away. My eyes snap open as my hand desperately grabs at the empty air. Sobbing, I watch Elijah drop into the oblivion.
Falling...
Falling...
Falling...
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
So I'll just focus on the writing itself.
Honestly, I think it's smart to do this, that is, write the end before you've gotten to the end. Not only does it establish the direction you want to go in, as you've stated, but it also can act as a sort of Prologue to get the story kicked into hyperspace.
Because of the nature and the short length of this piece, it's hard to review as part of a story, especially because I haven't read any of the rest of it
Using a word such as "void," which is very cliche, is risky, but following it up with a word like "goading," which is anything but cliche, proves that you have what it takes to be a writer. This is our life. We teeter on the edge of generic cliches and original classics. If we stray to far to one side, the scale tips, and nobody reads.
It's always good to mention the past, especially if the reader understands what you're talking about. Unfortunately, far too many people cannot resist the urge to then explain what that past is. You haven't done that, and I applaud you. If you've done your job as a writer, then the reader will know what you mean, and it will help tie the story together.
Beyond this, there isn't much to say, because there isn't much to say anything about.
So far, I've liked what I've read. Your writing style seems to be clean and fresh, balanced well, flowing freely, and that's what I like to read. And, of course, this sort of thing is always intriguing because so little is actually revealed.
Thank you OliveDreams!
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Okay, so I did say I would make a review! I'm trying to stay on top of things, obviously fate won't allow it u.u Neither will my strange sleep pattern XD
It was just the flow of your sentences, nothing major, but major enough for me to mention it. Normally I like short sentences in scenes like this, but in a way your sentences seem almost too short. Sometimes I felt like you were listing things they were so short. I guess all I can say is more detail (might help elongate sentences) and more commas 
This is just my opinion however, other people probably like it like this, this is just my opinion.
Let me first say that overall this was great! It's interesting how you make these scenes out of order, and honestly I gotta say I like that part too. This scene was captivating, well begun and well ended! You did a terrific job at creating the mood and it was all just wonderful! But...
There was one thing that didn't quite agree with me
Sorry I wasn't much of a help, but obviously, even Messenger loves it, there's practically nothing I can do XD
Sushi
the ending was good! it had that sharpness in the end,like the writer decribed there would be. hats off to the writer! you should start writing more and more stories like this!
I don't know what to say. This is so good! It is really making me want to read the rest of the story!!