Oblivious

I love the ending of this poem! I also like the rhyme scheme a lot because it gives the work a lighter tone. The way you split the lines up allows the poem to flow quite well.
Keep up the good work!

Hey there, aqua!
I thought this poem was really well written.

I liked the fourth and eighth line, how you added mental thoughts and feeling as well as physical ones.

No spelling or Grammatical errors That I can see. Good job, and keep writing!


~Swiftfurthewarrior

Aqua, what a wonderful poem!
I actually thought you conveyed the implied theme of this poem quite nicely, and the way you tied the last line to the poem was flawless.
When analyzing this poem, you can find quite a lot that hints at the purpose. I enjoyed the parallel between "my heart...my head....my hands".
I just keep repeating this poem in my head, and your structure is immaculate, and the flow-so smooth!
The only thing I would tweak, would be the "oh no". Seems a little bit too cliche. Try replacing it with a more thought-provoking phrase. But keep the shortness of it, to portray the subconcious slight gasp that derives from it (Well that's what I got from it anyway).
I enjoy bittersweet things immensely. I give this a 9/10.
Keep Writing!
-Sbitonti

Hi aqua, Dream with review on your poem.
You poem is easy to understand and shows a direct meaning in narrative form. You also use some imagery( word pictures ) to make your poem more interesting to read.
~Sense of touch and sight ( which is actually abstract word but you make it become something the reader can touch/ can be seen.

my heart shut down to shield the blow,

My heart stopped
when I let it slip.

they had turned white.
And I had collapsed breathlessly inside.

I liked the simplicity and brevity of this poem. I think it captures a lot of the same feelings in unrequited love. You captured this in the brilliant juxtaposition of "irritatingly, wonderfully oblivious" - I've never thought of the angst of it all captured quite that way, but the word choice is perfect.

While the length was just fine, I feel like the poem could be expanded upon for sure. You've got the beginnings of a great "awkward moment," but we never got to see what the awkward moment was exactly. I think if you included more details about it the reader might be able to relate on a deeper level.

The pacing and rhythm of the poem made me feel like I was in the moment with you, honestly. Halting at times, a little awkward, but the last line really just resolves the whole poem very well

This poem is thoroughly amazing. It has something I like to call the 3 S': SHORT, SWEET and SIMPLE.
The poem is slightly ambiguous which means the reader can have their own type of interpretations to it.
"I’m glad you’re so irritatingly, wonderfully oblivious."
There is juxtaposition between the words, wonderfully and irritatingly. I love the effect of the two words, that tells us, the fact that the one you are speaking of is oblivious is an advantage and disadvantage.
For me this poem seems to be about you trying to tell someone how you feel by accident and being thankful that they have no idea what you are talking about.
Well done, I really enjoyed this poem.

Hey!

This is an interesting poem.
Is it about abuse?? Because I feel that it is. But if it's not that's cool.

Anyway, this is a good poem. It has a good pace and tone to it.
While it isn't extremely confronting it still hits a cord and has an effect on the reader.

I like the way you don't focus on the action instead on the thoughts of the persona and in doing so the actions speak for themselves.

I don't really have much to say except well done.
Keep writing
Nargles xx