I want to rage, I want to shout
Whenever I loose your blue ribbon out of my sight
I know I am just a heart abuser
I know I put a dent in yours
But as messed up as it was, my love is true
The day is ending, and again, no proper goodbye
I shut my eyes, another restless night
And the same old fears crawl back out
They come closer, and I hear them say
That today you will call me a disease
Tomorrow is the day you will find a cure
The days you loved me, you will call a fever dream
They gather around me and they scream
"Killer! Killer!" who took a loving heart,
Toyed with it, called it love, then ripped it out
But it is not true, I did and I still love you
Do not look for a cure, listen to my whisper soft
I am free of my chains, come back to me
They will no longer suffocate us
Our past sins no longer can claim us
No more secrets, no more lies
With no need to pretend or act strong
Let us be as vulnerable as can be
In eachother's arms and company
Let me fix the dent, with a careful hand
Touch your face and look down your eyes
Make it all right, and again find,
You resting by my shoulder at night
All that is left of me is yours to keep
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140,890 Literary Works • 673,702 Reviews
Loved it, whisper screamed it for fun.
This is a very powerful heartfelt piece. I love the shift in the end. It is nice to see the change and the admittances of guilt. Sometimes it is hard to see the pain we cause others but this person knows they did wrong and they are admitting it and changing that. They are making up for their actions. That takes bravery.
This is a very powerful heartfelt piece. I love the shift in the end. It is nice to see the change and the admittances of guilt. Sometimes it is hard to see the pain we cause others but this person knows they did wrong and they are admitting it and changing that. They are making up for their actions. That takes bravery.
Can I just say as I was delving into the title on my feed ,yours is the one that got me to Click faster than I can say WOW !
Great on details and the flow of your poem .
Looking forward to seeing and reading more from you !
Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I saw your piece in the green room and was intrigued, so I thought I'd give it a review!
I thought this was a very interesting poem! I went into this poem expecting it to be about a broken heart, and it was, just not in the way that I expected. It was very interesting to see a poem written from the perspective of the so-called abuser. I feel like most times it's about the person who got their heart broken, not the heart breaker. The feelings captured in this were very unique and interesting.
I think what's so powerful about this is that it presents a very two-sided narrative so the poem can be read two ways. I think that at first, the instinct is to trust the narrator, since they're the narrator, so everything they're saying must be true, right? The fact that they're almost confessing to causing the "dent" in the other's heart also makes the reader think that the narrator has some accountability. But there's also the fact that the reader doesn't know exactly what transpired, and maybe the narrator is actually in the wrong and is refusing to take accountability. I feel that it's always tricky to form an opinion without having the full picture, but the omission of that information in the poem really makes it super unique and interesting. Nice work!
I think you word choice added a lot to the tone and mood of the narrative within the poem. Lines like "Toyed with it, called it love, then ripped it out" and "you will call me a disease" provided very negative connotations that created this cloud of animosity around the abuser. It shows how much pain the narrator is going through, both with the pining for their lost love and facing backlash for whatever they did. But again, the reader has to decide for themselves whether that backlash was deserved. I also think that there was a certain vibe to this poem that was almost begging for forgiveness, and I thought that was another cool layer.
One thing I wondered about was this line in particular:
First off, tiny thing: loose should be lose, I think. (Not to worry; I make that mistake quite a lot too lol.) But the blue ribbon was something that caught my eye. It's very specific, especially for a poem that tends to lean towards the vaguer side of things. My first thought was a hair ribbon, maybe one that the abused person used to wear. It could also just be some sort of other accessory. The symbolism surrounding it is interesting, too. They're used for first place a lot of the time, so it could be tying into the fact the abuser loved the person a lot, and that they were their "number one." I also did some more digging and apparently they're used for child abuse awareness, too, which adds a slightly weirder and more troubling air to the poem. I'm just curious what you originally meant by that line.
Overall: nice work! I think this is a very interesting poem written from an interesting POV. The layers presented in this were very compelling and I enjoyed reading it and dissecting it very much. I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!
Love it. Really emotional, honest, intimite. Keep it up. And stay strong, love-and-around-love stuff can be really messed up.
Thanks a lot ^^